Finding a way
by Milamy
Summary: Christian and Ana are trying to find their way through their relationship. It may not me easy for them, as they expect different things.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello,_  
 _I'm posting a first chapter of a new story. Obviously, the original story is not mine, I'm just playing with the characters and possible courses of action. It takes place in November 2011 so around six months after they first met. It didn't follow the canon too much. There are a few differences in that world. It starts in the middle of the action. We can see them trying to define what their relationship really is and if it's satisfying for them. I had fun writing it and hopefully you're going to enjoy it. Anastasia has a bit different background and a few minor changes. This story won't be too long, so I won't leave you hanging for long time. It'll be rather slow, but it's on purpose._

 _Anyway, have a nice time reading and, as always, all the feedback totally appreciated. _

_Cheers_  
 _~M_

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Chapter 1

APOV

I've spent the last few months in the maze. I've recently graduated from University and moved to Seattle. I started working as an interpreter in French and I felt lucky that I found the job I've always wanted. The beginning wasn't so simple. I lived with my best friend Kate, and our friendship had its ups and downs. I felt odd in my own company and I felt like somebody was watching me. But the weirdest of all was my relationship with Christian Grey that has been my biggest secret from everyone. I tried adjusting to my friends lives. I've tried to keep in touch with my sister, but I felt like I was failing everyone around me. I didn't have a land to stand on. I was lost and I felt like I was on my own. It was hard, but I couldn't neglect the last friends I had left. I felt guilty and weak and only few people could remind me about the beauty of simple things in life. Kate was one of those people.

"You know you should socialise a bit more?" Kate was nagging me for a hundredth time this month. Truth be told, I didn't have much time for socialising. My schedule was almost always full. I looked at Kate and I saw she was worried about me. I didn't want her to worry there was no reason to. I could do that for her today. I had some time and we could use some time as just roomies.

"It's just not my style, Katie. You know I don't like pubs or bars." I felt like I hurt her a bit. She also should've known better than to constantly ask me to go out with them. Clubbing wasn't my thing. I always felt endangered when I was in crowded spaces. Besides, he didn't approve it.

"You don't have to drink any alcohol."

"I'm not going to. I'm your driver, remember?" I waved with my keys and she quickly palmed herself.

"Congratulations. I love how much you tend to forget about things." I jeered at her. There was no way I was going to miss the opportunity to spend time with her, but I wished she wanted to spend some time my way. My introversion was boring for the majority of people and I was really trying to fit in, to some extent at least… However, it might've been a paranoia, but I had a feeling that I was being watched.

"Come on, let's have some fun together. José and Claire are coming, and Ethan will be there as well/". I smiled at the thought of Ethan. It was rare that he was staying in the city. He's worked as a psychologist for almost two years now and I knew it was very important for him. His parents hoped he would take over the family business, but it turned out that Kate was more willing to do that, therefore she graduated journalism. "I even asked Alex if she could come." I heard Kate add quickly. My eyes shot to hers. I haven't seen her for more than a month and I felt extremely guilty about that.

"I'll do my best, okay?" She noticed I gave in and stopped annoying me for about half an hour.

I liked my friends, but I felt like I didn't totally belong with them. They were so positive, full of joy and energy and I couldn't find the reason why I couldn't get on with them for the longer period of time. I worked hard over shyness and it's safe to say that I've overcome it to a great extent. I'm a strong person and I'm competent in my job and I know what I'm doing. I was telling this to myself for years and I knew that I wasn't that frightened student who was sent last-minute to do an interview with one of the richest people in the States. I would deal with that better now. I knew it. He taught me a lot of things.

I quickly changed into comfortable hoody and jeans and remembered to brush my hair into a ponytail.

"I'll be ready in five!" I glanced at my watch. There was no fucking way she'd be able to get herself ready in such a short notice.

The pub was near our apartment. It was only a thirty-minute ride, so I knew that driving at night wouldn't be much of a problem. The pub was relatively quiet because it was around seven. It was too early for most of the people. It was going to get louder in an hour or so.

"Can't believe you made it today. Great to see you" I gave him a short hug and exchanged a few kind words.

"Same here, look after Kate, she's in the mood today." I gave him meaningful look. He knew his sister very well and he was well aware that there were moments when she only wanted to get drunk.

I was joking that because I wasn't drinking I was making sure they had anything to drink. I was collecting their orders because I knew I would be able to help them and that I wouldn't have to listen to their drunken chat. Alex was also there but I wasn't talking much to her. I knew she didn't blame me for not calling, her life was always busy. It was just… it felt wrong of me that I hid things from her. She was my family and she had right to know what was going on in my life.

"I'm glad Kate called me. She finally gave me an excuse to leave my apartment." She referred to her job. She was an IT specialist and she was working from home from time to time.

"Yeah, me too. Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you, I was just busy with stuff…" I felt horrible while lying to her. I knew I had no other choice.

I took another round of shots for my friends and returned to our table. I knew that Kate and Ethan had no idea what was going on in my head. I quickly checked if there were no messages waiting for me from Mr. Grey. Luckily, none.

He was the reason I became quieter lately. I couldn't break the rules. I had to be more careful and vigilant in my everyday life. I let him know I was going out with my friends. It was my Friday evening off. That meant I was going to sleep at Grey's on Monday to make up for today. That was how we set it. I read the message. _Have fun and be careful Ms. Steele._

It was nice of him. At first, I didn't think it could work between the two of us, but we've found our way, or I thought so. He was good to me and he really cared. We were trying things he and I enjoyed for the proper balance in our relationship. I was looking at José's fiancée and I couldn't stop smiling at their sight.

"Have you set the date?" I asked to start a conversation. I was expecting some excitement and optimism, but I was taken differently.

"We're not in a hurry. Time will tell." Claire huffed at me and I simply brushed it off. I had more important things on my mind than Claire's period and mood swings.

After each shot Kate was becoming more and more straightforward and open. She wanted to dance, and she suggested changing the place.

"Kate, you're barely in condition to walk. If you like you can stay here, but I think we should call it a night soon." She pouted, and I knew that an argument was about to arise.

"Don't you dare, Steele! It's too early to head home. Bring me another shot!" Claire and Ethan immediately agreed. Kate was going to regret that in the morning but that wasn't my position to parent her. She was an adult woman who could care of herself, as she was constantly trying to prove to everyone.

"Are you sure? I'll bring some water as well and you're going to drink that first." She agreed without complaints. It took me a few minutes because there were many people at that time and moving around wasn't the most comfortable thing to do. I was almost at the table when I lost my balance and the water spilled all over the man in front of me. What was odd, the bottle for the group was intact. I felt so ashamed and even more when I saw it was Grey. I didn't show I knew him, I knew he wouldn't be pleased with that, but I understood why he was there. He was keeping an eye on me and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. I was with friends all the time, I didn't have a single shot. I was only a company to them. Responsible and calm as always. I knew he liked that about me, one lesson was enough for excessive drinking. I wasn't going to repeat that ever again. It was the first time he came to a pub after me. It felt nice in some way, but odd in another. He provoked that situation. I acted the best I could.

"I'm so sorry. I'll get this clean right now." I moved to a counter and asked for a cloth or something and another water. He led me out of their side and made me look at him. Then, he kissed me and let me go.

"Why are you here, Mr. Grey?" I knew he wouldn't lie to me. We both wanted to be told the truth and only the truth.

"I wanted to see you. I missed you, Anastasia." He placed another kiss on my lips. I looked around and we were from people. Nobody cared about us. We looked just like many other people casually talking to one another. The thing was that we weren't like others. There were days I was thinking if we were a couple at all. We had fun from time to time, but for the majority of our time together I was his submissive, not his girlfriend. I wasn't sure where I was standing. He agreed to give me 'more' and I saw that he was really trying, despite being his controlling self.

"I missed you too, but that was my day off as we set this month." I said quietly. He simply agreed.

"I thought I'd find you drunk after you spilled that water over me, but I didn't sense any alcohol on you."

"Maybe because I didn't drink any. I'm driving tonight. I know you're checking me, sir." He brushed my hair and I saw he was examining me. He didn't like the way I spoke to him, but I felt like he didn't trust me, but it passed before I held onto that.

"I was thinking. Would you come tonight to sleep with me after you take everybody home?" I nodded. I was going to see him at nine but coming earlier was a nice perspective.

"Sure, Sir, I'm really sorry about the shirt. Seriously, did you only come here because you missed me?"

"Yes, and I had some fun time with my brother who's right now talking to your BFF." He glanced over my shoulder and I turned to look at him. He didn't look like Christian at all and I could see he was having a good time talking with Kate. Knowing Kate, I'll have one passenger less on the way back.

"Cool. I should go back to my people. See you later, and sorry again." As I expected, nobody noticed I was gone for a few seconds and Kate was full of new energy. As fucking always. José has already left, and I wanted to head out as well.

"Alex, are you staying with us tonight?" I asked my sister when she came back from the restroom.

"I don't think so, Ana. I have a lot of work to do and I'm on my own. You can drop by someday you know. I've missed you." I knew she was genuinely worried. Whenever she was trying to reach me, I was brushing her off and when I should call her, I was pushing that aside on my priority list. She was very important to me, but it didn't feel right to bother her with my presence. I was always the worse sister. She was the one smart, with good grades and bright future ahead. I wasn't jealous, I was only lost. I didn't think I should be a part of her life.

"I'll surely come. Thanks a lot for coming, sis." She hugged me goodbye and left leaving me with Ethan and Kate who wasn't paying much attention to either of us.

"I asked if she wanted to go home and she said she's staying with the guy she met. I'll order a cab when we'd be leaving. You're exhausted so just take the car and go home. Is that okay with you Ana?" I nodded. I left the pub and I quickly returned home. I quickly washed off my basic make-up and headed to Escala. I entered the foyer and found Mr. Grey waiting for me. I wasn't expecting him to wait at that time.

"How was your evening?"

"Tiring very much, and yours?" Christian faked a smile and joked.

"The best I had in years. Seriously, it was just like all the others with Elliot. Each time he tells me to get laid and each time he's too busy talking to some girl that talk to his brother." I felt a mocking tone in his voice. That was clear, he was close with him and he was important to him.

"I have the same thing with Kate. This time she even called my sister to come. That was very thoughtful of her."

"Yes, it was. You miss her. Now shower and bed. My bed this time, pet." I smiled and waited for him to follow me. As always, I wasn't in control of what was going on with my body. He was nice to me and I knew he felt relieved he could trust me about going to places like these. Thanks to that I was building up his trust in me and I was grateful he seemed to enjoy our arrangement. There were moments I had no doubt I was his sub, but there were also moments when I was speaking up, when we were arguing on petty things as cooking, so it seemed balanced to me. I felt safe when I was around Mr. Grey.

I took a quick shower and washed my hair, so it took longer than I expected. Mr. Grey was waiting for me and I knew it was late, so he just wanted to get some sleep. I texted Kate to remind her about being careful.

"That was a great day. Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?" I asked him casually. Whenever he was allowing me to sleep with him that meant just being us, a regular people who were friends and enjoyed spending time in one's company, or at least I thought so.

"You'll see little one. For now, just rest." I took his hand in mine and quickly drifted away.

As always, he woke up before me. I quickly took care of my morning routine and after fifteen minutes I realised I overslept. It was almost ten in the morning and I didn't wake up in time. I had to make breakfast for us and to check up on my friend. Based on her texts, Kate was fine and happy. I needed nothing else. I only hoped I wouldn't see fluffy pink pyjamas anytime soon.

I didn't find Christian in the kitchen. That meant he was either in his study, or he went running. It was the latter. After a few minutes I saw him entering home and I saw he had a good time in the morning.

"I'm sorry I didn't get up earlier. I didn't set the alarm, sir."

"Don't worry, I've just come home after the run. I woke up about an hour before you. Could you make me something to eat?" I quickly prepared a sub for him like he always liked and I knew he was satisfied by my doing. I ate on my own. He joined me when he finished and we were sitting in the kitchen together and we laughed like the good old friends.

Unfortunately, nothing can be too good. We noticed Taylor entering the room and announcing to us.

"Ms. Lincoln is on her way up." I wasn't happy to hear that. We were trying to make the weekends ours, or maybe rather Christian was trying to make them his. Not that I minded. There was something about that woman that made me feel uncomfortable, but I never said it out loud. She was a dominant as well and I felt it in her presence. I stood up to take our plates and put them in a sink. She was in her fifties, but she was taking good care of herself. She was wearing plain black suit and she had some rings on her fingers. I looked like a total opposite of her.

She came to greet us, and she quickly took a place where I was sat. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to sound rude to her, or rather I didn't want to disappoint Christian. He wanted me to always be polite and I was trying to respect that wish.

"What a surprise, Elena. You didn't inform me you were going to come over." Christian said in a friendly tone although I could see he was irritated. He didn't like his plans disrupted whatever he had in mind. I was up to anything just to be around him.

"I think that the circumstances are too important to discuss it on the phone." I knew he was intrigued.

"Would you like anything to drink?" He looked at me and I knew I had to serve it.

"Black coffee, please." I hurried to make it and I was wondering what was so important that she came without an invitation. She must've known he was with someone at that time and she wouldn't be shocked in any way. She knew about Christian's lifestyle and she was his friend. She didn't mind me running around. It was okay for her and she was always reminding me that I was only a sub. Christian didn't answer to that but he was reassuring me that I was more than that to him. I knew he cared for me. I felt it. We've been together for over six months. Christian was thinking about extending our contract indefinitely. He asked me about it one day after a scene and I didn't give him a straight answer. I still had some time to give him an answer.

"Here you are, Mrs. Lincoln" and I stepped aside. I wanted to leave but I heard Christian's voice behind me.

"I don't recall giving you permission to leave, Ms. Steele." I quickly composed myself and stood behind Christian. He didn't give me any instruction, so I was just waiting.

"I think you're being too soft on her. You've had her for too long to have situations like these. Maybe you should remind her about her place." I hated when she was doing that. I felt like an intruder then, but I felt like I needed to be out of there.

"May I speak freely?" Grey nodded. "I thought it would be a private meeting and I didn't mean to interrupt it. If it was something you disapproved, sir, then I'm sorry for that." I waited for the answer, but nothing came. Christian didn't have any response and I knew it was because he was actually thinking about letting me stay. These moments were hard for us because that was when he was lost about who I was to him.

"It's okay Anastasia. You're right, I overreacted. I'll come to you when we're finished. I moved out of her sight and went upstairs. I wanted to go straight to my room, but something stopped me. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on them, it just happened.

"I don't like her." I heard Mrs. Lincoln's voice. Not that I was surprised. The feeling was very much mutual. She seemed like a predator for me and I wanted to hide somewhere whenever possible.

"You know you don't have to. Ms. Steele is one of my best choices, Elena. You could be nicer to her, you know."

"I don't think she's right for you… You need someone more compliant. I can see she's too straightforward I could say, or rather cheeky. I think I taught you better than that… For crying out loud, she's just a sub." I rolled my eyes, but I didn't like that Grey didn't have any answer to that. I knew that in her opinion I shouldn't be able to speak at all, and live only to serve, but I wasn't like that and Grey knew about it. I didn't hear his answer and I didn't want to risk coming closer.

"Why did you come here, Elena?"

"I came to you with the reports and some numbers don't add up." I moved away from them and left them on their own. It was their business not mine. I was thinking about what she said, and I felt like everything I believed in was a lie. I was thinking that Grey was also my friend. I thought he enjoyed spending time with me, and yet I was just a sub for him.

I went to my room and went through the books on the shelf. The majority of them were my favourites. He took them from his library to make me feel more comfortable whenever I wanted to read. I skimmed through the covers and found a small dark blue notebook. There was nothing written on it except for roman "I" on it written in navy ink. I haven't seen that before. It was small, so it was easy to miss. I opened it and understood it was a journal of sorts. It was dated back to 2009 and it was written in a neat delicate handwriting. I wasn't sure if I should read it. I knew it wasn't Grey's handwriting. It was written by a woman. Probably one of his subs. But why would he leave it in here? I put it back and lay on the bed waiting for him to come. I checked my texts and Kate confirmed she was safe and sound and the night was cool. I was wondering what I was going to do.

I heard a knock and jumped on the bed. He came in and sat beside me. I could see when he was asking me as a friend and when he was checking up on me as a Dom. He knew I didn't like her visits. I felt like she wanted to hurt me and on more than one occasion he confirmed that my feelings were correct.

"Is something bothering you Ms. Steele?"

"I'm still a bit tired about yesterday and I'm somewhat confused. I was sure you didn't want me there, sir."

"You were right. I was irritated that she came, and I made you feel uncomfortable. What I don't understand was why you didn't do as you were told?" I gulped. It was obvious he'd know.

"I don't know. It probably doesn't matter anyway." I was looking down the entire time and I was feeling worse with every second. I turned so he could see my back, but he didn't comment on my behaviour. I felt his hand on my back and I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I closed my eyes and focused on every breath. Even if he was going to punish me, I knew it wasn't going to be serious. I've handled worse. Like for example when I was walking home past midnight, on my own and didn't call anyone to take me home. That one was pretty bad one.

"Okay, we're leaving in ten minutes, so get dressed. We're going out" With that he was gone. I quickly put on my sweater and jeans. He didn't mention anything specific so I figured that would be fine. I found him waiting in the foyer and I knew he wasn't entirely pleased with me, but I wasn't going to mess up today. I wanted to be okay for him.

In the car, I was silent. I didn't know what to say exactly. I wanted to apologise for eavesdropping, but I knew that wouldn't do much. I wanted to know what was going on his head. We stopped roughly ten miles form the city. I liked that we escaped from all the buzz. I was waiting for whatever was going to come.

"Thank you for coming today earlier. Yet, if I'd known, I would've told you to come later." He turned to me and took the hair off my cheek. I wasn't looking at him. I was buried in my own thoughts.

"Am I enough for you, Mr. Grey?" I blurted out unable to stop myself. I felt his eyes on me and he took his time to speak.

"You're more than enough." He left the car and opened the door on my side. I joined him, and we went for a walk. We weren't in a hurry but there were moments when it was hard for me to keep up. We were walking for several miles. It was late when we were returning to Escala. I didn't understand that field trip. It was odd and I didn't know what to think about it. I was genuinely lost and there were moments when I totally couldn't read him.

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 _Okay, let me know if you enjoyed it, and see you guys next time._  
 _~M :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone,  
Thanks to all the people who spent their time on reading the first chapter. It was cool. Thanks for all the feedback and words of encouragement.  
On with the chapter...

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Chapter 2

APOV  
I hated waking up alone. On the weekdays I was living on autopilot. I was always waiting until the end of the day and gladly went back to my bed. It was what I was used to. Grey didn't text or call me this week and I was expecting a message in the evening. He was always contacting me around the middle of the week to check how I feel. I was rather schematic. I was telling I was fine, for most of the time.

I told him I was a bit overwhelmed at work and that I haven't been sleeping properly. I was really doing my best with managing my time. I was preparing dinner for me and Kate when she said out of the blue that we were going to have a guest. I was glad I was prepared for that occasion. I was actually thinking about making more to have something ready for tomorrow, but it was better to have a bit too much than too little. I was in the middle of cooking when a tall handsome guy went through the door. I've seen him before; it was Elliot - Grey's brother. That was going to be an interesting evening.

"You must be Ana! Elliot, Elliot Grey. Kate told me so much about you." He shook my hand and I gave him his plate of spaghetti. No one ever regretted trying my tomato sauce. Not that Kate was picky, she was only not the best cook. I knew she appreciated my help.

"That was good, thanks a lot."

"This is how it looks when Kate invites someone home for dinner." I laughed a bit. I didn't mind it. It was actually fun to have somebody over from time to time. I had a chance to have a closer look on him. He wasn't related with Christian, so their appearance had nothing in common. Their personality couldn't be more different though. He was so relaxed and easy-going that I wanted to smile all the time. I felt at ease and I hoped I wouldn't see Kate's famous pink fluffy pyjamas. Kate and Elliot hit it off immediately and it seemed like it was on the road to something possibly interesting. They were seeing each other regularly so there was something going on between them.

"We're going to pick something to watch together, want to join?" I was exhausted; besides I knew it was just a courtesy on their behalf. I knew three was a crowd. I wanted them to enjoy their time together as much as possible.

"I'll join you next time. Today, I'm barely standing." I headed to my room and immediately fell on my bed. I knew I had to shower and change but I noticed a text from Grey.

 _Hopefully you're having a nice week. Can't wait to see you on Friday at 7. ~C_

I read it again. As I expected, just an info when to come. Nothing else. I decided to let him know about Elliot here. It would be better if he found out from me than if he matched the dots on his own.

 _Thank you. I'll be there. My week's been nice so far. Your brother is here with Kate today. They look like they're enjoying themselves. ~A_

I sent the message and had a quick shower. I couldn't remove Lincoln's voice out of my head. It was so fucking annoying. It was always coming back to me when I was thinking about Grey. I couldn't separate him and that vile woman. She was on stronger position than me. She's known him for years. I felt like she was right. It was the only way he could be with me and I had to see that clearly. I moved to check my latest text to translate and I checked all the information I received from the client. I needed to learn as much as I could before I could translate the text. I had everything prepared when I heard Kate's laugh. She was obviously having fun. She wasn't in some arrangement that stopped her from living her life. She didn't have to constantly remind herself about the other person's needs. On the other hand, I couldn't say that I didn't like what I had with Grey. For the majority of time, I was okay. There were only some moments when I wasn't sure about what I was doing. There were moments when I felt like I was worthless and there were moments when I felt priceless. I felt safe with him, that was for sure. I knew that he would never hurt me. I liked spending time with him despite the fact it was hard. There were moments I couldn't imagine my life without him. The thing was that I understood that our arrangement wasn't enough. I knew he was trying, but I couldn't lie to myself forever. I couldn't be with him the way I wanted to. I agreed to his terms. He tried to work with mine. I wasn't sure if I was going to sign the next contract if I had it in front of me right now.

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CPOV

I was thinking about Anastasia in recent days. I wish it was already Friday evening to have her around. I was surprised to know that Elliot was seeing Ms. Kavanagh. I thought she would be a one-night stand, but to my shock, he's actually spent more time with her than with most of his previous women. I loved my brother very much. He had no problem with meeting people and I kind of liked that about him. He was my first and I would say my closest friend. I knew Elliot for a while and I was expecting he'd get bored with Katherine in two weeks max. I was wrong, but at the same time, I knew it was just a mild inconvenience. Ana didn't interact with him too much. She didn't want to invade their privacy as she put it. I didn't expect to become so interested about her. I thought we'd be done after a month. Not that I wanted that, but that was what I thought would happen. I was scared I was going to let her down and yet; here I was considering a third contract between Ms. Steele and me. I didn't want to set the expiration date. I wanted something permanent. I was thinking about asking her to come for the night, but I was risking that I would interrupt her at work. She needed time on her own as well and she didn't have a lot of it for herself. I mentioned the contract a while ago, and still got no answer. I should remember that she doesn't make decisions easily and give her as much time as she wanted, but I was becoming more and more impatient. I didn't want to lose her now. I thought, what the hell and decided to call her. She could always tell me to fuck off. It happened a few times. She was more polite of course, but her tone was clear when she didn't even want to talk to me. She answered after a third signal.

"Hello?"

"Am I calling too late?" I knew it probably wasn't the best time.

"It's okay. What is it?" I was surprised by her tone. It was cold and distant.

"I'm serious, Anastasia. If I'm interrupting let me know." I said calmly. She wasn't talking like herself, or maybe she had worse day. I wasn't in her head. If I were, I wouldn't have so many problems to understand her.

"You're not. How was your day?"

"It was long and I'm glad it's almost finished. I was thinking about you. Would you mind if I picked you up for the night?" I heard she was thinking it through. It was the middle of the week. I knew I shouldn't have done that.

"I can be ready in fifteen minutes. I can drive, you know?" It wasn't a problem, but I didn't want her to drive when it was so late. Sure, there were less cars on roads, but people were more reckless.

"I'll pick you up and I'll take you to work in the morning." I wasn't discussing this. It wasn't like we've never had that sort of situation before.

"Only if it isn't a problem for you. I'll be ready in fifteen minutes." I said goodbye and she hung up, and I wasn't sure what to think about it. Part of me felt odd because she was acting different than I was used to.

I called Taylor to take me to Ms. Steele's apartment. As she told me, she was already waiting for me. She joined me in the back seat and I couldn't express how happy I was to see her.

"Missed you, little one." I stroke her hair, but she didn't react to that. The ride was short and I saw her laptop bag.

"Thanks for calling. I felt I could use some company." I didn't understand what was going on in her head. We were home in a few minutes.

"Are you hungry or anything?"

"I'll just get some water." She took her bag to her room and returned downstairs later. At first I thought about having good time, but we had to get up in the morning. I went to my study and I took the file I was working on. I headed to my bedroom when I reminded myself she wasn't there.

I found her focused on her laptop, but she closed it when I came. At the beginning of our arrangement I thought that keeping distance would be good for us. After some time, I wouldn't say so. The line was very thick, and instead of becoming finer, it was becoming even thicker. I knew it wasn't a good sign. I had that feeling that she wasn't going to stay with me much longer. I couldn't lose her, not now.

I lay next to her and she followed me. She turned so she wouldn't touch me. I thought about the way she was acting with me when I met her. I didn't let myself to stay in my head for too long. That wasn't the best place to stay for too long. I had too many horrid memories and I had to let them go someday.

"I'd like to see you." She turned to look at me and I felt like I was drowning in those blue eyes.

"I thought it would be good time to talk. I was thinking a lot about us and I was thinking about extending our contract. I'd like to introduce a few changes and I'd like to know how you feel about them." She was intrigued but I wasn't sure if that was a good sign.

"I'll have look on your draft and we can discuss it over the weekend. Is that okay with you?" It was fine. I moved to kiss her, and it was one of the moments when I felt something I couldn't understand.

As always, whenever I slept with Anastasia, I didn't suffer from nightmares. She had a very positive effect on me. I didn't mind hugging her in my sleep. I was wrapped around her like a vine. I had enough to prepare myself to leave. I didn't want to wake her but I had to do that anyway. She was so small and yet she was stronger than many people would give her credit.

"I'll be right up." I was amused by the way she was today. Like she didn't give a fuck about the world around her.

"You'd better be if you want to be at work on time." That did the trick. She stormed out of bed and I started to put herself together.

"Relax. It's not that bad." I put an envelope into her bag and left downstairs to have something to eat.

* * *

APOV

I was glancing at the envelope in my bag from time to time. I had no idea why I was worried about what I'd find this time. I had to process it alone. I had to weigh pros and cons before making a decision. I was tired with that situation, but at the same time I knew I didn't want to leave. I had to check it out on my own.

Grey sent Taylor to take me home and I was honestly grateful for that. It was November and it was cold and dark outside. Winter was coming in big steps. I wasn't sure If I wasn't about to freeze.

I called Alex to come over if she had time. I thought I needed someone to talk to.

"It's either feast or famine with you, I'm in Montesano. I can see you on Sunday evening if you like."

"Sure, say hi to Ray from me." We could never get around to going to see Dad together. I was closer to him, but for her it was easier. She was more often working remotely. I had to have better contact with my family. Since my Mum died, I had almost no one to talk to.

"Are you okay, Ana? I'll come earlier if you need me." She offered, but I didn't want to be a burden.

"Sunday evening is good. Just let me know when. I'll make us some dinner." I was stopping myself from telling her anything. I didn't care that Taylor was in the car.

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too." I was sad, but I also had other things to consider, like the contract.

"Is everything alright Ms. Steele?" It was odd to hear Taylor asking me a question. He wasn't the most talkative man, but I didn't especially care.

"I'm fine. Called my sister, but apparently, she's at my Dad's. Thanks for taking me home." I knew how it must've sound, but I had nothing to hide.

I reached my apartment. I found a note from Kate that she'll be later. I made myself a comforting kit and dug in my blanket with a hot cup of chocolate. I opened the envelope and started reading. At first, I was lost, and I thought I had wrong paper with me. It just couldn't be. We really needed to talk.

 _He's got to be fucking kidding me…_

* * *

 _Okay,  
That's it for today, let me know if you enjoyed it and see you next time.  
~M_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hello,_  
 _Thank you for the positive reception of the story. I was genuinely surprised and grateful._  
 _Enjoy the next chapter_

 _~M_

* * *

Chapter 3

APOV

I was unsure what to do. At first, I was shocked. It couldn't be real. I knew that it wasn't for me in the long run. I've really tried to be like he wanted, but I was never going to be enough. I wanted to confide in someone, but no one was there. Alex was at Dad's. Kate was constantly with or talking about Elliot. I was alone. I was thinking about getting myself drunk but dismissed it a few second after it popped in my head. There was no expiration date and that worried me most. I wanted to know the frames I was allowed to move within. I had to know all the limits, even about time.

The days were passing quickly. I was crazy with latest project and it took longer than my team initially expected. That was good because I was capable of distancing myself from what had to be done. I didn't want to leave, but I knew that if I told him about my feelings, it'd all be over in less than a second.

It was our last weekend. I was to make a decision about our future. I knew what he wanted but I had to have clarification before I make final conclusions. I put on jeans and shirt. I wanted to feel comfortable. Secondly, I didn't have much time to change after work. I had to stay longer anyway. I was ten minutes early. I had the envelope in my hand. I was tired and stressed. I really hoped he'd understand my doubts and be willing to explain everything to me and negotiate. He knew a thing or two about it. Just as I reached his apartment I felt the smell of Mrs. Jones' cooking. That was odd because normally she'd have Friday evening off. It was my job to prepare something to eat. Not that I minded. It was one of the things I felt good at.

She noticed me and sent a warm smile.

"Nice to see you again, Ms. Steele." She was very nice, and I felt close to her, in a way.

"Yeah, you too. Where's Mr. Grey?" She pointed his study and I went there. I knocked and waited for the answer. He was on the phone and I didn't want to interrupt. All I heard was laugh. He was probably talking to someone from the family.

I went back to help Gail.

"I just want to feel useful." I said in small voice, but Mr. Jones told me to just sit and wait. She made me a cup of tea which was a blessing. I almost drifted away when I felt his hand on my shoulder. I didn't react. I didn't open my eyes. I was just sitting and enjoying the evening before it was ruined.

"I asked Mrs. Jones to make something for us. Come." We went to the table and it felt a bit. We didn't eat together too often. I was fighting with my thoughts all the time. He was acting like his usual self. We weren't talking much.

"I felt like I've neglected you lately, just relax." He waited until I finished and then moved closer to me.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I knew not to lie, but I didn't quite know how to put it in words. I wanted to tell him how I feel but I was afraid. The risk was high, and I was afraid I'd lose him.

"I'm confused, Mr. Grey. I've been thinking a lot lately. Even before you brought it up again."

"About that…"

"I'm not sure that's what I want in the long run." I looked at him, but I couldn't read a thing of his face. It was his mask he was putting on for most of the time.

"Do you want to talk about it in my study or in your room?" I shook my head. It wasn't important. We had to talk.

"Don't care. I've been off lately and… I don't know how to put it. It doesn't matter." I saw concern on Christian's face when he heard it. We went to my room which was more comforting that his cold office. I had a blanket to bury in, and I could hug a pillow if I needed. I didn't know what to say for the proper start.

"It's our last weekend, isn't it?" I didn't nod, nor shook my head.

"I don't know. I haven't made the decision yet. Believe me, I wish it was that easy." He took the contract out and opened it to negotiate. "Put it away, please. I've been reading it far too many times." He listened to me and I felt relieved.

"Okay. Talk to me, Anastasia."

"I've changed in a way I didn't want since I met you. I don't like it."

* * *

CPOV

I was almost on the edge. I was waiting impatiently for her to come, but the good mood evaporated the moment I saw her in my apartment. I knew what was coming and I wanted to play it cool to convince her to stay. We could make it work. We've managed to do that for months, why not more? I didn't want her to leave and move on like nothing happened. I knew she was tired. She's had a tough week, but still tried to be brave. Of course, I noticed she changed. I didn't know she didn't like it though.

"Did something happen? Taylor mentioned you regretted you didn't go to see your Dad." She sighed. No, not this time.

"I just wish I had time off at the same time as Alex, so we could go together. It isn't about my family. It's about me. I think it'll be for the best if I leave now, so I could avoid… further changes I might not like. I know you've been trying to give me more. Believe me, I saw it. I really did. But at the same time, I saw it wasn't what you wanted. I can't spend any more time with you as a sub. It's too much for me and you want to extend it and I saw no expiration date. I don't like it. I need distance and clear frames, so I could be my own self." I haven't thought about it that way. She was extremely careful in her choice of words. I should've been more careful. Why didn't I notice she wasn't coping well? Well, she was always good at hiding her emotions, but that isn't a justification. She wasn't my first sub.

"All in all, you can't give me what I want, and I can't do that to you." I felt her pain when she was saying those words.

"We can work this out. I'll try harder. I really care for you." I wasn't used to talking about my emotions to somebody else than Flynn.

"Do you? Do you mean it?" I immediately nodded. I wanted to hold her but at the same time I had to see her clearly, so I waited. That evening went nothing as I planned.

"What's bothering you? I don't want to play games. I want you to tell me exactly what's going in your head. I mean it." Her eyes went immediately down, and I was absolutely petrified when I heard her saying those words out loud.

"I've fallen in love with you. Now that you know, I can finally leave, on my own terms. Everything is clear now, isn't it?" I saw relief on her face and tears that came with it. She stood up but before she took a step I took her by her hand.

"Stay." She froze, and I stood up as well. Before I could understand what I was doing, she was in my arms. It wasn't painful as I was always thinking. We were both shaking now. It was the first time I held her like that. For the past months I wanted to try it, but I didn't want to cross the lines I've put myself in order to protect both of us. I didn't want to hurt her. The distance was helpful to keep feelings at bay.

I couldn't say a word. We were just standing until she relaxed and stopped crying. I suspected that, but I wasn't sure. I needed confirmation and I had it in front of me. I let her go and I knew she didn't want to even look at me. I told every woman the same thing. Feelings meant immediate termination. She knew what she was doing. She was struggling with being honest or lying. But she wasn't just like any other woman. I've never chased anyone like her. I always felt excited whenever she was around. I felt alive when she was around. That was why I wanted more of her. It turned out she's already given me all she could, and she decided to take a step back before I take too much.

"How long?"

"Long enough." I let her go and sat. I brushed my hair with my fingers. I needed to sort everything out. I looked at the contract and threw it to a bin. Anastasia was still standing in the same spot. She saw what I did but didn't comment. I told her to stay and she stayed.

"I don't want you to leave. Not now, not ever." She finally lay down and I could stroke her beautiful hair. "I can give you what you need. It's not what I'm used to, but that doesn't mean we're done." I was quiet, but I knew she was listening to every word.

"I was afraid. I know that you're a man of your word." I smirked, that was far more than fear. She was on the edge. If I told her to leave, I would've destroyed her and that would haunt me forever. I remembered that day when she asked me if she was enough. Of course, she was. She was never like any other woman.

"I'm so sorry. I really didn't want to hurt you."

"I know. I'd be fine." I was hugging her and I was totally unsure of the future.

"I know it might seem odd what I'm going to say. Always tell me what's on your mind. I'm serious."

"I will. I heard you talking on the phone when I came." I was talking to Mia. She was inviting me for dinner tomorrow. She could always persuade me to come. That gave me an idea.

"My sister. She's really adorable." I laughed at the memory.

"I like that sound." She admitted shyly.

"That's really nice, you know?"

.

In the morning I was unsure if the events of yesterday had actually happened. We needed to talk some more. When I returned from my morning run I realised she wasn't in the bedroom. I called but the phone was in her room. I quickly scolded myself when I heard the sound of water stream.

I was sat and waiting for her. That situation was very new to me, and to make things worse I was informed that my mother was coming at ten. I promised to eat with her in the morning if I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the dinner. It hit me that I couldn't leave Anastasia just like that. In the past it happened, but we were about to discuss our future. Three words can change everything, and she was more important than some dinner.

She left the bathroom and got dressed in comfortable trousers and loose blouse. Her eyes looked better than yesterday. I was just staring at her for a few seconds taking in all the details.

"How are you feeling, Ana?" It was a nickname most people used. I wanted to break the distance gradually.

"It did happen? It wasn't a dream, was it?" I saw concern on her face and nodded. I led her on the bed and told her about that night.

"I couldn't sleep very well, and I was thinking about us. I want just as much as you, but you've already given that to me. Would you like to be my girlfriend, like regular people?" Her eyes widened in shock and surprise. I could run an empire why couldn't I date a woman?

"I would, Christian." I liked the sound of my name, the way she spoke it.

"Good, because you're going to meet my Mum in about fifteen minutes."

"Wait, what?" I saw hesitation. Yeah, maybe that was a bit too fast.

"I promised her, and I don't want to leave you here on your own. Or, if you need some time to adjust to that, then okay, I'll contact her to cancel."

"No, it's just super-fast."

"We have time for ourselves later, she's going to love you the moment she sees you." I kissed her forehead and let my Mum know, I wasn't going to show up alone.

"Before we leave, there's only one rule: do not mention anything concerning the nature of our relationship. I'll do the talking. Clear?" When she nodded, I felt like I was given a second chance to right my wrongs.

* * *

 _Okay: thanks for today, hopefully you enjoyed it and see you guys next time,_  
 _all the feedback appreciated :)_  
 _~M_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello,_ _Nice to be back to post another chapter ;)  
The right version this time_

 _Enjoy ;)  
_

* * *

Chapter 4  
APOV  
As always, I chose to stay alone and count to ten to calm myself down. This turn of events was absolutely unexpected, but I've been in many stressful situations by now. Dealing with stress was part of my everyday life. It seemed so odd that Grey wanted me to stay. I was almost dealt with the fact I was coming to see him for the last time.  
Then, he hugged me. For the very first time he let me touch him.  
On the one hand I didn't expect him to include me in his social life in such a short notice, but on the other hand I knew Christian wasn't doing this only for me, he made a choice and wanted to stick to it.  
I knew I could handle Mrs. Grey. I wasn't alone. I didn't look too formal, I thought I was dressed properly for the occasion, creamy sweater and comfortable jeans. I heard the knock on the door and Mr Grey walked in.  
"Ready, Anastasia?" I heard he was a bit nervous. I felt it as well.

"Don't be nervous. It'll be alright." I comforted him. It was something he had clearly no idea about.

"Easier said than done. You have no idea. I've never done that before." We were both equally inexperienced in "the dating thing".

"I'll be nice, Sir." His frown made me understand my mistake. "Force of habit." I immediately looked down.

"I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about myself. No offence."

"Well, you didn't lock me in here, so it's not that bad." I wanted to treat it as a joke, but I wasn't entirely sure if I should make joke of it. He was keeping me hidden for months.

"If nothing happened yesterday, I would've gone to see her and left you here for an hour or so. It happened before. A lot of things might've gone in a different way. Anastasia… I want to tell you that you're really important to me and I promise I won't do that ever again. I really want to have you in my life." His tone was very gentle. It happened again I was in his arms.

"Christian, we shouldn't keep your mother waiting. Let's do it." I put on my usual mask. I took his hand and we went to the great room. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. She was Mrs. Lincoln's friend so I wanted to be careful.  
Luckily, I saw an elderly woman with a very kind smile. Totally not like I expected, but that was good.

"Mum, meet Anastasia, my girlfriend. Ana, this is Grace Trevelyan-Grey." We shook hands and all my fears were gone. She was a nice person. First impression is formed after ten seconds. Mine was very positive.

"I'm delighted to meet you, Anastasia. Call me Grace." I saw that her warm reception absolutely surprised Christian.

"Call me Ana, please." She hugged me as if to check if I was real. I liked her very much, but that outburst of emotions was very very kind.

"It's cold outside, maybe we should stay. I'll make us some coffee and Mrs Jones left us something to eat. Mum?" She was looking at me and I could only smile.

"That's a wonderful idea." We went to the kitchen and I took out of the fridge some lasagne. I put into the oven and Christian prepared coffee for Grace and himself and I had tea.

"How did the two of you meet?" I was told to let him speak about these topic and I honestly I was curious what he was going to say about me.

"Anastasia interviewed me for a students' paper a few months ago. It was the worst interview I've ever had." He said and kissed me on the cheek.

"That interview was a total disaster because I found out about it four hours before the meeting." I answered back.

"Ana's roommate was ill and Ana came as a replacement. I think that was a very fortunate day."

"And for me it was one of the most embarrassing days in my life, especially when I fell into his office, literally."

"I thought that was sweet." It was already November. Time passed like crazy. I could barely believe that.

"So, you're a student?"

"Graduated this year. I work as an interpreter." I told her about consecutive interpreting on different sort of conferences. We immediately hit it off.

"You're one interesting individual." We enjoyed lasagne and talked a bit more about the Grey family. I didn't say I knew Elliot but it was fun to hear about him from his mother. Grace was that person who could calm everyone down.

"She's too modest, Mum. She's young but I know that she's learning a lot, but she's very dedicated and ambitious " I loved the fact that he was speaking so fondly of me. I felt a bit uncomfortable, not really used to hearing compliments. I knew Christian wanted to be nice.  
We got an official invitation for next week and we thanked for it. She gave me her card.

"If you'd like to go out for coffee, just call me." She winked at me. "You can always surprise me like this Christian."

"I'll walk you, Mum." I waved her goodbye and put the dishes in dishwasher. I felt very good after meeting her. My fear was unwarranted. Christian has always said she was one of the best people he'd known. I felt Christian's arms around me and felt his warmth.

"Grace already adores you. How are you feeling?"

"Great. Loved every minute of it." I turned to see him better and to look him straight in the eye.

"I've missed you like this. And you're still mine for the rest of the day."

"Yes I am. Tomorrow I'm seeing my sister."

"Right. You mentioned her. Sorry." He pushed me to the wall and kissed passionately. It felt similarly to our first kiss. It was very possessive and spontaneous. Probably because we had no idea what was happening to us at that point. We needed to talk about what happened between us yesterday. We needed to communicate with one another to avoid misunderstandings whenever possible. "I'll drive you there tomorrow evening, so don't worry about time."

* * *

"I think we should talk." We went to the great room and sat on the sofa. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to say.

"Ana, I'm really happy you told me about your feelings. I really appreciate your honesty and the fact you made up your mind. I want you to know I'm grateful you made that decision. These past months with you were the best. I really loved spending time with you. That was why I wanted no expiration date. I wanted to keep you forever, for the lack of better way to put it. I didn't want to let you go. I knew I'd have to though. You gave me more than I hoped. I saw you were really trying to be what I wanted." I wasn't saying anything. I was waiting, lost in my own thoughts  
"You gave me all of you. I want you to know that I appreciate and admire all of it."

"I did that before it was too late. Christian, I did it for you. I wanted to be the person you wanted. The thing is that there were moments when I was beginning to lose myself."

" I know. I understand how you feel. I should've…" I immediately had to stop him.

"Just stop. What's done is done. I don't think it's a bad thing in the end. You know that the events of yesterday changed everything, don't you? We won't be the same people, neither of us. I know one thing that concludes both of us. We both want more, just in two absolutely different ways." That was when I got it. I saw his hesitation.

"Oh, please it's obvious you wanted to have more and more power over me. I get it. I've known you for a while. You had moments of doubts as well. The moment when Mrs. Lincoln was here was a reminder for you. You were harsh to me although I did nothing really wrong. You wanted to prove the point you had no feelings to me. I was really conflicted inside that day."

"Anastasia, you were always more than enough. I want you to know that." He took my hands and held them firmly. I knew what was coming. He was struggling to remain in control and he wanted to be sure I didn't touch him.

"I know. You're worried about tearing up the contract, aren't you?" I asked in a low voice.

"Partly, yes." He stifled laugh. "It's been a while since I was so much out of control." I wanted to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere.

"How about we make one including all the necessary adjustments if that's to make you feel better. We have enough time to negotiate it." He let my hands go and asked me to follow him to his study.  
I curled in his lap and I was thinking why weren't we so open before. Maybe because I wasn't intimidated by him anymore. I knew I could trust him with everything and that was exactly what I was going to do.

"No dates, no contact limits. I want to see you as often as possible " These were mostly weekends.

"You know that will mean that I'm going to call you more often?" He nodded.

"That's exactly the point. I want to hear more often from you. I want to include you in all relevant events. Time for me to be seen with a woman. We'll start with my family, but I'm going to take you elsewhere. I want everyone to know that you're mine."

"You do know that sounds possessive?" but not in a bad way.

"I do. All the rules stand." I immediately stood up.

"No fucking way." I turned to look at him and noticed he was mocking me.

"Only the majority. Because of the social element, you're released from the NDA, however you are to remain about certain aspects of it. I want to give you the comfort that you don't have to lie about with whom you spend your time. Besides, I'd like to meet them as well. I want you to always speak up your mind. Unless of course we're in the scene. Then, you know how it is."

I nodded. I was still standing. I wasn't sure what to do with myself.

"I'm so happy you chose to give us one more chance. I won't let you down, Ana" We both wanted more and we were both going to give more and get even more than that in return.

"I have something for you, if you'd like to accept it, I would be really grateful." I was curious what was it now. " I wanted to give it to you if you signed the revised contract as my sub. But now I want you to have it even more. He took out a box and I was really curious at what was inside.

"Come." I sat and he put a delicate necklace on me. It felt odd but I liked the fact that it wasn't anything big. "Do you like it?" I nodded.

"I'm happy I can have all of you to myself this evening. But how about staying in my room today?"

"Sure, not that not going to playroom has ever stopped you." I loved Christian, but at the same time I knew he was right. Some things were very difficult to change. He gave me one look and I understood what was coming.

"Actually, you're right. Why should I stop myself?"

* * *

 _Thank you for your time, all feedback appreciated and see you next week ;)_ _M_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello, time for another chapter._

 _Have a nice day :)_

* * *

Chapter 5  
CPOV

This week has been one of the longest weeks in my life. At the same time it was one of the happiests. I missed Anastasia and I couldn't wait to see her again. I felt like she was mine more than ever. I wasn't exactly sure why.  
I went to see John because I needed to consult someone about that situation. It was something I didn't understand.

"It looks like the weekend went as you planned. You look very happy, Christian."I smiled. He couldn't be further from the truth.

"Not quite as planned, I would say it went even better than I expected." John was waiting for more information.

"Anastasia and I are still seeing each other but our negotiations had been eventful to say the least."

"You're very positive today. I'm not quite sure when I saw you last time like this. So Anastasia agreed to extend your contract indefinitely?" It wasn't that easy. Our relationship dynamics has totally changed.

"Yes and no. I asked Ana to stay with me as my girlfriend and she agreed."

"That's a wonderful news. Congratulations. What made you do that? It's a very big step! Nonetheless, I thought it was a matter of time." John's statement smocked me. Did he know? How? I didn't know that! I came here today to sort out my feelings as much as possible. I wanted to understand what was going on with me.

"This weekend was about to be our last. She refused to sign the contract. She came to Escala knowing that could be the last time. She told me about her feelings." John was deeply focused.

"How did you feel when she told you she was leaving?"

"I didn't know. Like I lost everything. She told me she understood she shouldn't have fallen for me and she wanted to leave on her own terms."

"Did she tell you this, or this is your assumption?" John inquired.

"Told me."

"She was brave, don't you think? She decided to take the risk and accept all the consequences. She has deep feelings towards you." I knew it. I felt bad I didn't notice her struggle earlier.

"I know. I couldn't let her go. I asked to stay and hugged her. I let her touch me on the chest for the first time. I couldn't lose her at that point." I was never going to let her down like this. I couldn't leave one of the very few people who saw good in me and had genuine feelings.

"The more I hear, the more I'd like to meet her. She must be someone special. And how do you feel about her?" That was the problem, I wasn't sure exactly. She was very important to me.

"I love her." John nodded with appreciation.

"I'm proud to hear you saying it out loud. It's a great emotion, isn't it?"

"Absolutely. We talked a lot over the weekend. We reached common ground. We're both going to give more of us, but discuss everything. There was a moment when I felt absolutely powerless. Ana didn't let me feel that way for long. She knows me better than anyone. John, I'm afraid I'll hurt her somehow. I don't know what it's like to be with somebody, like really involved."

"Don't overthink that. It'll be fine in the end. I left Flynn's office reassured. I knew that our decision was right. I had Anastasia and I got both, a submissive and a girlfriend. I had to keep in mind that she was mostly a girlfriend now. I wanted to learn about her everything possible. I knew her body, but mind was a totally different story.

Unfortunately, information network was very well developed in my family. I got a complaint from Mia, that I didn't tell her about my girlfriend and form Elliot congratulations for finally getting laid. I loved my family very much. It was great to have them in my life. They were irreplaceable.

"We'll be at our parents' on Saturday evening if you want to meet her so badly."

"I can't miss that show. I was waiting for being introduced to your male partner and it turned out there's a woman. Little brother is growing up." I rolled my eyes at Elliot's stupid comments.

"Big brother is still equally childish." I ended the call and went to my study.

My family wasn't the only party interested in my life. I got a text from Elena as well. Grace told me. Have you lost your mind? I didn't answer to that. I decided not to care too much about her. She didn't like Anastasia. These two women couldn't be more different. Ana's just a natural beauty, Elena has nothing natural in her. Ana is sweet and somewhat innocent. Elena is a predator. I would keep in touch with her only in the business affairs.

She promised I could pick her up at Thursday. I was waiting to that impatiently. I knew I was recognised at places like these. All that matter was to see my girlfriend. There were people observing us, but the majority minded their own business. I was going to have her from tonight through Sunday.

I was happy when she finally came to me. We were going back home and we could spend at least some time alone.

"Missed my little Ana." I took her by the hand and we left the building to head home. It didn't happen too often for Ana to leave earlier because of the family reasons. She was hardly ever complaining.

"Missed you too Mr Grey."I was holding her hand all the way home.

We had dinner prepared my Mrs. Jones. Ana loved pasta with broccoli sauce. It was fun to eat together but I didn't want to make it too easy to her. I always wanted to tease her a bit whenever I had the chance. I went to the playroom to take a pair of cuffs. Mrs Jones wasn't going to interrupt us. Besides, nothing wrong was happening in here.

"Anastasia. Hands on your back."she agreed without complain. Momentarily reacted to me with full trust. I put cuffs on her so she couldn't use her hands. I braided her hair. She looked amazing like this. I loved braiding her hair. It was one of my day-to-day rituals. She was mine she felt absolutely fine with that. I fed her and I saw she was peacefully enjoying the food she was getting. I licked the sauce out of her mouth.

"Thank you for feeding me, Sir." She said in a low voice. She looked helpless and I was always enjoying myself. I couldn't do too much. I took the cuffs off. These weren't over for today.

"Did you miss this?"She nodded.

"This weekend is going to be nice. I can't wait to meet Mia." She turned to kiss me and I complied.

"She can be overwhelming but she's very kind as well." I knew I couldn't abuse my authority over her. I released her.

"Upstairs." I ordered. She wanted to go to the playroom but I made sure I locked it. We went to the sub's room. I had other plans for her. "Undress". There was something about that… She looked so calm and composed.

She kneeled as she finished and formed a waiting position. I could never get bored with her looking like this, ready to willingly submit to my wishes. She understood what had been expected from her and now she seemed like she was really enjoying herself.

"You look amazing. " I stroked her hair behind the ears and her reaction was as always priceless. At moment like these she was really asking if I should call her my Kitten. She was very much like it.

"Hands on your back, kitten." I cuffed them on the back as she was still in the waiting position.

"I'm going to spend some time with you on a small chat. I want you to be very attentive because each failure will be appropriately treated. Is that clear Kitten?"

"Yes, Sir."She said without looking at me.I wasn't going to keep her in that position for a very long time, I wanted to make her feel only a bit uncomfortable. I wanted to look at that pretty body and examine it. I was rubbing her gently and I felt she was becoming more and more relaxed. I asked about general things like this week, her family time and everything I could think off. She was in the right mode.

"What do you expect from Saturday?" I asked and she opened up a bit.

"A group of people who care about you." She said but I knew she didn't tell me everything. I smacked her behind twice. She didn't make a sound.

"What are you afraid of?" My tone was calm. I was really enjoying this. Ana was so vulnerable but I knew she trusted me.

"That they won't like me or that I won't like them." I rubbed her again. The conversation was going better when she was paying attention. When she was starting to drift away she was brought back by a proper reminder.

"Just let it all out and stop worrying. You've already won the half of my family, Kitten. They're all absolutely may stand up." She did it nicely. I taught her a few lessons of keeping balance. She was able to stay in line if she wanted to. "How are you feeling?"

"I want you in me, please." I reached down and felt how much she wanted it. I didn't want to release her. I pushed her on the bed so she could have some support.

It was lovely. She was wide open waiting for me to fuck her.

"Ask nicely, Kitten."

"Could you make love to me please?" Her question reminded me of her first stay in here.

"Yes, Kitten." I went into that small creature who gave herself to me. I was happy to share that moment with her, to feel her like this. She was close to cumming and I wanted to work for it a bit longer. We finally both got our release. It took me a moment or two to get some rest. She was exhausted and we had to work in the morning. I released her wrists and took her to the shower. Ana was tired but I could see she enjoyed it. At the beginning she was hesitant to admit it but she loves being spanked. She's more up to new things when she learned to trust me.

"Thank you, Sir. It was very nice." I got kissed.

"You're welcome." I washed her and put her to bed. I liked sleeping with her. I had no nightmares then. Sometimes some massage can work wonders and can be a good opportunity to talk. Playroom would be too much for today. All that mattered was fun. 

* * *

As always, I felt very bad to wake her up in the morning, but we both had a lot on our plates. I knew Ana needed more time than me to prepare herself for the day.

"Ana, up." That one sentence has always done the trick. I used it mostly when I was displeased and she knew she had no other choice. She quickly prepared herself and had enough time to have breakfast at home. Mrs. Jones packed her lunch and she was ready to leave.

"Again, I'll be pick you up at five and You're not leaving my sight until Sunday, is that clear?"

"Absolutely, Sir." She left the car and I couldn't stop smiling. I didn't know exactly what the difference was, but I was even more eager to see her again.

This week had been busy. The end of the month was approaching and the number of BM was increasing. The only thing that kept me focused was the knowledge that in just a few hours I could be focus on some more interesting and important task. Being with my good girlfriend.  
I texted her during the day, but she told me we would see each other soon.

I was waiting for her and kissed her for hello.  
"That day was absolutely too long. I was thinking about this evening a lot.".

"Me too. I've missed my sweet girlfriend." I missed her small nose.

"Not your sub this time?" She asked challenging me, but her voice was very soft. I wanted all of her but I was willing to take whatever she was willing to give.

"It depends on what you'd like to do, Ana." 

* * *

Anastasia was right when saying I was possessive. I was thinking about something and I wasn't sure if Ana would like that Idea. I confirmed our tomorrow visit. I knew Mother was super excited.

"Even your grandparents wanted to come, but I told them we would invite them next time."

"Thanks, Mother."

Ana was busy with work in the library, so I decided to catch up with the latest messages. Elena has been really annoying. I changed the passwords and told her not to come without notice. I loved the woman in my home. The one who trusted me with everything.

I came to the library and saw she was busy on working on a glossary for her next assignment. I didn't interrupt her. She was totally focused. I knew it was very important to me. I knew she would be successful one day. I really believed in her.

"Hey, I didn't see you. How long have you been standing here?" I only came few seconds ago.

"Not too long. I wanted to make sure you were breathing."

"I stopped checking the time after the first hour. We should get going soon, right?" I nodded and she left the room.

"Give me half an hour and I'll be ready to leave." She disappeared in her room. I needed to move her things to my room. It was too annoying for me to have her in the other room. There were moments when she needed to be alone, but they weren't too often.

I took my time to prepare as well. I had showered and got dressed. I went to see what was Ana's status and it wasn't that bad. She was complaining about her hair. I decided not to listen to that, it was just a mild inconvenience.

"Just come." I braided her hair, however I did it more neatly than usual.

"It looks fine I guess, thanks." She looked so young and so innocent. It was hard to think she was Mia's age. Especially when wearing simple clothes and minimal makeup. I was pleased to see that she put a necklace I gave her.

"Let's have fun." I knew it was something very new to her, but I wanted her to enjoy the evening, as much as I was going to. We were about to be regular people and I really liked the idea. I thought normalcy couldn't be that bad.

"I wish, I was just as relaxed as you."

"I'm far from being relaxed right now. I'm not going anywhere." We were welcomed by my Mother.

"I'm so happy you could come. I couldn't wait to see you again, Ana." I saw Ana was doing her best not to show she's stressed.

"You too, Grace." I heard a move and I knew what was about to happen. I warned Ana about my sister, but Mia can be hard to handle at times.

"I'm so happy to meet you."She took Ana inside and literally dragged her to the rest. My mum only shook her head.

"Why is Mia like this?" I asked myself not really knowing if any answer exists.

"She's just happy, as am I." It was when my brother showed up with a date, my favourite Miss Kavanagh. She didn't make a good impression on me, but I she impressed me with her persistency.

"I thought I was going to meet a mysterious girlfriend. I'm absolutely disappointed." Elliot joked. I assumed that he couldn't believe Mum.

"She's been already taken over by Mia. I guess I should release her as soon as possible."

We joined the family and I didn't have to wait very long for reaction.

"Hey, nice to… Ana?!" I just couldn't stifle laughter. Neither did Ana. Elliot looked absolutely stunned and I liked to see him so confused.

"Hey, how are you? Did you do the shopping?"

"When I was away Elliot ate everything I left in the fridge for the two of us. I told him to do shopping next time." I knew that Elliot was better at cooking than me, but Kate was helpless, so Ana was doing most of the work in the kitchen.

"That sounds very familiar to me." I noticed that Kate wasn't the happiest with the fact that Ana didn't tell her about me. The dinner was nice in general, maybe besides the interrogation conducted by my father. He's known Kate for a while and knew her family. It was annoying to listen all the questions concerning family especially that he wasn't especially subtle.

"I think we should just enjoy the evening, Dad." He got the message and dropped the subject. He should've learnt to trust my judgement about her. I had her checked before I started seeing. Just as a safety measure. There was nothing out of normal.

"Sorry kids. Sometimes there are days when I forget that I'm off." I could relate to that. However, he said that only to be somewhat polite.

"Don't worry, Mr Grey." Ana replied with a kind smile. I could see she was fine. If it wasn't so cold, I would show her the grounds around the house. She would love them.

It was late when we decided to head back home. I wanted to put Ana to bed and have her next to me in my sleep.

"This evening was amazing. Thank you so much for this." She kissed me on the cheek and then her phone buzzed.

"Kate is offended at me. I'll make it up to her when I get home. I thought she was okay, clearly I was wrong. "

"Don't worry. It was quite innocent actually." I wanted to reassure her that everything was alright. She wasn't allowed to talk about anything. I understood what that meant to her. Only a few people knew my secret.

"I guess you're right. All I want now is a hot bath and nice warm bed."

"bath and bed it is. I asked Mrs. Jones to move your things to my room, I want to have you closer whenever possible."

* * *

 _Okay, that'll be it for today. Thank you for giving your time, hopefully you enjoyed it. All the feedback appreciated and see you guys next time:)_

~M


	6. Chapter 6

Hello, time to post another chapter. Thank you for all the feedback and enjoy :)  
~M 

* * *

Chapter 6

APOV  
I was trying to catch up with everything in life, but I was absolutely overwhelmed. My body started to process in the worst possible way.  
I got a cold. My Thanksgiving was in pyjamas and blanket with Ray and Alex. The worst possible time for being ill. I was planning to go to the Greys on Saturday, but I was in no condition to drive. I had to stay here. Not that it was bad.  
Montesano was my home and I've always been welcome here. I thought that life was going too fast.  
It's been over ten years since my mother died. She was hit by the car on her way home from work. She died instantly. I remember her very well. She was an amazing woman, and a good mother. I know Dad misses her every day. Luckily, he's got us.

"I brought you tea. Ray added a bit of elder." Alex said passing me the mug.

"Thanks. Thanks, Dad" I said louder to him.

"Do you need anything?" I shook my head, I only wanted her to stay with me for a while.

"Not really. I'm just happy we both could make it." She probably thought the same thing.

"Yeah, me too. I'm really thankful for you." She hugged me and I was at loss of words. It was the second situation when I felt so loved.

"You hardly ever say that." I didn't want to accuse her, but she hardly ever spoke about her emotions. She was like a closed book all the time.

"I know. I'll stay here till tomorrow. I won't leave you here alone with Dad in that condition." It wasn't that bad. I was only tired and wanted to sleep. I felt a bit guilty that I didn't help them with cleaning, but Ray sent me to bed.

My bed was so inviting. I made sure I had my socks on and just lay down.  
I texted Christian to let him know I'm alive. I waited only five minutes when the phone started ringing.

"Hey, can you talk?" My voice was weak and tired, but I was extremely happy to hear from him.

"Yeah, how are you? How's the family? Say hi to all of them from me."

"I will. They wish you were here, especially Grace and Mia." I giggled.

"And what about you?"

"I didn't want to state the obvious, baby. Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow." It wasn't the best idea.

"I'm not sure if I'll be back until tomorrow. I got a cold and I'm already in bed, with a tea, pills and lots of blankets." I knew he wasn't going to like it, but there was nothing more I could do.

"Oh, I understand. Rest as much as you can, but if you want I can pick you up." I wanted that very much, but I didn't want to introduce him to my family yet. I only told them a few hours ago that I was seeing someone. I knew that it was hard for Ray. However, Alex only said, "about time".

"There's no need. I want you to meet them when I'm in better condition. Not just yet." I didn't have to see him to know he was smirking.

"I get it. Just let your family take care of you, okay.  
And if you need anything, just call me, clear?" I smiled. It was adorable for him to care or more to show it.

"Absolutely, I love you."

* * *

The way back home to Seattle was exhausting. Alex was driving so I could sleep for the majority of the ride.

I was still ill. I took a few days off because I wasn't able to work like that. The only thing I tolerated was by bed.

Kate was very supportive and she was trying to cook for me. She was really trying to give her best, and I really appreciated that.

Elliot was our main visitor and I got used to his presence. He was so different from his brother.

"Maybe somebody's visit would cheer you up?"

"He's coming tomorrow. I can wait a day you know?"

"That's good. I still don't get why you didn't tell us?" I shrugged. I couldn't tell them the real reason.

"Christian didn't want me to tell you. It's nothing, but you have to admit your faces were priceless."  
I helped myself with pancakes and joined them at the table.

"He's different when he's with you." Was he?

"That's good, right?" I should talk about it with him. It didn't feel right.

Even if you're trying to get rest, you simply can't do that when you're ill. I didn't want to fall behind with work. Unfortunately, I felt too weak to do anything productive.

* * *

CPOV

"Elena, you know why I acted like this, so let it all go." I said to her. We were having dinner together, just like every month. I denied her access unless on my own terms.

"I don't recognise you. You seem distracted and emotional. Is something bothering you?" Anastasia wasn't her business. She had to accept the fact she was present in my life. She was my more.

"Just the company. December is always chaotic. I'm trying to close everything up before the 20th." I wanted to spend Christmas with Anastasia. Our first Christmas together. I couldn't wait to that.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But knowing you, I'm sure you'll manage."

"I'll try to. My family is on cloud nine since I told him I'd take some time off to be with them." She frowned and I knew what she was going to ask.

"Grace told me you'd be bringing Anastasia to your parents' Christmas party. Hard to say I'm surprised by that turn of events." I saw clear disapproval on her face. They never got along with Ana.

"I would. They all adore her."

"Woman like any other. Nothing special." I was becoming a little irritated with her remarks.

"For me she is. Please be nice to her." At that moment Elena's eyes have me the answer why Ana was sometimes afraid of me. They were dark and mad. For Elena, she was nothing.  
There were moments when I might've acted similarly.

"I'll be nice to your little pet. Don't worry." She said to appease me. I was right to keep the two of them separately. Elena has been my oldest friend, but she wasn't the only important person in my life. I owed her a lot.

I made sure Ana was fine and picked her up from work. I asked to take her to Escala for the entire week and she agreed. I didn't want to lose her out of my sight to the greatest extent possible. I needed to have her around. Although we lived together, we didn't have much time for each other. She was locked up in the library and I was stuck in my study.  
It was late and I wanted to make sure she was going to get enough sleep.

"Ana, time to bed." She stood up, but didn't follow me. "I'd everything okay, baby?" She nodded but there was something bothering her.

"It is." I wasn't sure if she was being honest with me. After a while she took my hand and I took her to bed. I covered her and hugged her. I was still adjusting to that situation.

"What are you thinking about?" I exhaled deeply.

"About us. Everything's fine." It was something I hated. She knew all too well not to lie. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were amazing. I wanted to look at the forever, but then she looked down.

"I love you." She said in low voice. It felt like confession. I wish it was dark so she wouldn't see me.

"I love you too. I'll always look after you." Then I got punched which was a bit of surprise.

"I think I can manage on my own." She said cheekily. I was curious how far she was going to go.

"Are you sure?" I had advantage over her. She wasn't capable of defending herself.

"Yes, I am. Always." She kissed me and tried to get up. I wasn't sure what she was going to do, so I followed her, and stopped her at the door.

I stood close to her. She wasn't moving at all. She was just waiting.

"Where are you going?"

"I was sure you wouldn't let me go anywhere until I tell you what's on my mind." Fuck, she really knew me well. "I only wanted some water. I'll talk to you, I promise." She returned after two minutes, but she wasn't holding only a glass. She was also holding a tiny book.

She put the glass on the table and gave me the book. I opened it and it looked like some sorts of a journal.

"Do you know what this is?" It was the first time I saw it.

"I found it over a month ago. It was written two years ago, by some of your subs, I guess." She paused and I knew I didn't react the way she expected.

"I thought you knew about it. Anyway, it got me interested." I didn't like the fact someone wrote about me about my relationships. I had to check which one was that. I had to make sure there were no other surprises.

"Did you read it?" She nodded.

"Yes. I know, I should've told you earlier about it. It was written two years ago. You're different with me than you were with her." She said sadly. I had to read it myself before I judge this woman's approach.

"I am different with you. I told you from the very beginning."

"I know. Just don't be that cold with me." I understood her moments of doubts at that moment. She didn't realise how much she changed me.

"Don't worry. You're the only pet that matters to me." I embraced her in a hug and belt her body relaxing. I was mad at first, but I really appreciated her effort to communicate with me.

"I thought I would be preparing to punishing you. I don't like to do that very much." I can't say I don't enjoy inflicting pain on her, but not when she's in no condition to handle it.

"Thank you for listening."

"It's really late." I said while putting her to bed again.

"I really don't care." It was cute to see her so trusting, but she needed rest and I needed to learn more about the journal. As I expected, Ana needed less than a minute to fall asleep.

However, I needed to learn as much as I could about that book. Why did anyone leave it? Why nobody noticed it earlier? What made Ana so uncomfortable? I needed answers fast. 

* * *

In the morning Ana was her playful self. She was joking, she dancing while cooking. It felt as if nothing happened. I was really appreciating the moments when she was acting like this. It actually reminded me she was still very young, and still innocent, at least in some ways. In others, she was far from innocent, I made sure of that.

I decided to take care of the journal issue when Ana would be home. I wasn't sure what I was going to find there and I didn't want to lose control if something really bothered me.  
I had to focus on the present not the past. I knew my secret was safe. I made sure of that. None of my subs were stupid enough to violate the NDA. Either way, I had to contact one of them to learn more. I wasn't sure which one that was.

I had the best woman and I wasn't going to let her go. She was mine and mine only.

"Ana, what did you learn from that journal?" She didn't answer at first.

"Nothing I want to remember about. What can I do for you?" She asked in her usual manner. She seemed okay.

"I want to have at least one day without a problem, so something a bit unrealistic, baby."

"Well, you won't have any problems with me. That's a start."

"I think that from both of us, I'm the one fucked-up." I stroke her beautiful hair. What did I do to deserve her?

"Don't say that. We both know it's not true."

* * *

Time for someone bad to come  
Okay, that's it for this week, I hope you enjoyed it. See you next week.  
~m


	7. Chapter 7

Hello, I'm posting another chapter. Thanks for all the favs and follows. It's nice. Am I the only person who can't get away from hearing Last Christmas wherever I go?  
Enjoy :)  
m

* * *

Chapter 7

APOV  
I believed that we could make it possible. I felt closer to him than ever. Sometimes changes are good, although making the first step is extremely hard.

I have him the journal, but I wasn't sure if that was the right decision. I wasn't sure if he was going to tell me what's going on. I didn't want him to keep things from me. These days were hard to me. I barely got back to work, when suddenly almost everyone got ill and I was almost alone for the entire week. Other than that I lost a client and my prospects for extending my contract are decreasing. I still had time to make up for it, but I couldn't make more mistakes. Apparently, being more cultural than the speaker isn't always the right way. It's a shame he gave me wrong instructions. It was too late to change that. I was translating abstracts for forthcoming conference on publishing and I was so mad at myself that I lost control.

I saw Christian was trying to reach me, but I wasn't in a mood to talk. I needed some time alone. Besides I didn't want to leash out on him. I was planning on having something to eat and going to bed earlier.

"Ana, it's okay you messed up. It happens. You didn't lose your job, so it's not tragic." She tried to cheer me up but it didn't work out very well. She knew my death stare.

"Thank you, Katie, for optimistic comment." I said ironically.

"I know you have a lot on your mind, but you can't let that bother you too much. Sometimes shit happens. I'll make you a cocoa and you'll go to bed." I couldn't be angry with her for long.

"Since when did you become so collected?" I mocked.

"Maybe, when I saw how much you're doing everyday. You need rest. Try to survive until Christmas."

"I'll try." I hated that day.

I heard the ringing again.

"Christian, now it's not the best time." I started rudely.

"Okay, should I call later?"I wasn't sure if I wanted to see anyone today.

"I'll call you when I feel better with myself." I knew I was going to call him later, I needed him.

"Is everything okay, baby?"

"I had a terrible day. Don't want to talk about it. Laters." I ended the call without waiting for an answer. I really wanted to sleep, but my head didn't allow that. I was a mess.

I heard the knock on my door.  
"I'm here as promised. Here you are."She gave me the mug and I felt a bit better. Small things are also cool.

"Thanks a lot. If you like you can stay." Unfortunately, she had other plans. I understood that. Still it was a mystery, they had no problems with seeing each other over the week. In my case, I've always had to have everything planned in advance to even consider somebody's company on a working day.

"Elliot is coming soon." I was happy they were happy. This time truly.

"Right, have fun." I said when she way leaving the room.

I couldn't stop thinking no matter how hard I was trying. Christmas was coming and I had absolutely no idea what to get for Christian. I had other problems, but I wanted to think about something somewhat nice. For my family it was obvious, but not to Grey. I wanted to give him something special to show him how I feel. I needed to think, a lot.  
Elliot only came for a sec to say hi and left me alone.

I was having bad feelings about the journal, but I couldn't say what was wrong exactly. I had to wait for Christian.

* * *

I spent my days cocooned at my desc to get as much as possible done by Christmas. Kate was beginning to worry. My communication with Christian was almost minimal. He respected my need for space.

When I was finally going to see him, my nerves began to relax. I knew I was safe when I was around him. Every day I had to be brave and strong and I liked that. I liked the fact I was developing and I could see some future ahead of me. I needed to work hard for it, but it wasn't impossible.  
We were planning to spend this evening together and next day to Alex. She said she would enjoy some company and that she wanted to meet Christian. I didn't tell them the details of who he is. That was all they needed to know. My dad was happy for me, for Alex it was rather neutral.

"How are you today?"

"How do I look?" I answered back. I knew I wasn't in control of anything.

"I'm not going to answer to that." I immediately hid in his arms. It felt good to be small in situations like this one.

"Ana, we're not alone." I moved away. Christian rarely had people over. Luckily this time it was only Grace.

"I waited only to see you again, Dear." He kissed me on the cheek. That made me feel better as well. There was something in her that soothed everyone down.

"That's nice. I wish I had better mood." I noticed Mrs. Jones and asked her for strong coffee.

"What? I don't want to fall asleep in here." I said in a calmer voice, but still a bit impolitely.

"Mother came here to make sure you were coming with me for our small Christmas Party." Grace nodded.

"Of course I am. Although I was surprised when Christian told me you invited some of family friends as well. I'm not used to being among many people." I offered an explanation.

"Don't worry. Everything is going to be very nice. You have my word." I wasn't sure of that. I had a bad feeling. I chose to smile and pretend everything was fine.

"I can't wait to our first Christmas together." He embraced me and I whispered I love You into his ear. He could be really adorable at times.

"Yeah, me too." It sounded so unrealistic to me. Was it just my head? Or everything was happening so fast?

"Anastasia… are you even listening to me?" I shook my head. I had no fucking idea. Thoughts were spinning in my head like crazy. I was thinking about past month and I was a bit lost.

"I'm not. I'm sorry."

"I was asking what would you like to get?" Not particularly. There was nothing I especially needed.

"I don't really care this year. I only want to spend it with you and the family."

"I want that too. You've changed a lot of things for the better." I wasn't sure of that. Not everything I did was good.

"Good. Do you have any info about the sub journal?" I asked because I found that very important. I needed to know if the info there is true or not.

"I have a lead on who is the author, but not much more. Taylor is still going through it." So there wasn't much he could share with me.

"Did you read it?" He shook his head.

"Not all of it. I still have several pages left."

"I was sure you knew about it."

"We've talked about this, Anastasia. I want to think about something more pleasant than problems with my past." His tone was light, but I felt he really didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

"If you need to talk about anything, you know you can, right? I might not understand, but I'll listen if you need." I guessed it was something he wanted. I didn't want to push him too much. I trusted him to open up in his own pace.

"I know. I'm really trying to be what you need, Ana." I nodded. I knew it. I felt it.

"I know, baby, but I don't want you to deal with problems alone. About Christmas present. I have no clue, I haven't thought about anything I need. What about you?" I had an idea, but I needed to make sure, I had enough material to prepare it.

"You're accompanying me to my parents again, that's enough. This time you'll get the chance to meet my grandparents."

"I have an idea, and I really hope you'll like it." I placed a kiss and wanted to read for a while.

"I know I will. I think it's time to bed." I changed my direction and went to our bedroom. I took pyjamas and had a quick shower. I washed my hair mostly because I wasn't planning on wearing them loose. I could always ask Christian to braid it.

When I got back, we joked a bit. Christian showed me a dress he bought me for next week and it was stunning. It was light blue with lace sleeves. I loved it. I thanked him for it and he disappeared in the bathroom. I noticed the journal on the table and couldn't stop myself from picking it up.

I knew I shouldn't be thinking about it too much. It was in the past. Their situation was different than ours. Really? My head began to have doubts. If he could be so cold to her, how could I be sure, he wouldn't be the same with me? Maybe because he loves you? Maybe…

What made me feel alerted mostly is that he claimed to me he wasn't a sadist. After reading that I got an opposite impression. He likes pain and he isn't really really trying to hide it. I knew there was more to the story.

I opened the last page hoping I could get some answers, but there were none. I wanted to put it back where it was when he grabbed my hand. I jumped in surprise. He was very close.

"I didn't mean to. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I didn't hear you that's all." He let it out and put his hand on my shoulder. Suddenly I felt so small and vulnerable. I knew I could trust him. He didn't want to hurt me. I wanted to lighten up mood a bit and I took my phone and took selfie of us, both in pyjamas. I pushed bad thoughts aside.

In bed I was pressed to his chest. It was nice that he was looking for my touch. It wasn't always easy, but when he knew what exactly I was going to do, he was fine with it.

…  
I was right my hair was a mess. I texted Alex if we needed to bring anything for the evening and she asked me to bring 5 seconds if possible.

"Before we go to Alex, we need to stop by my place for the game."

"Why don't you two live together?" Christian asked me puzzled.

"Mostly, because her flat is very small. But also, she's very private. It's way easier with Kate." I concluded. Kate was a good roommate. If only she helped more at times, but I've never had major reason to complain, besides her eating my food before asking first. Luckily it was happening occasionally. "My family is not like yours."

"They love you, so that's all that matters." I put on a shirt and Christian braided my hair and we spent the day on just being us, and getting to know each other. It felt so… normal.

"The more you talk about them, the cuter you look. I must tell that to Elliot." His expression suddenly changed into serious. He wasn't going to frighten me.

"Don't you dare." He was trying to be serious but his eyes were betraying him.

"We should get going." I got dressed. I noticed Christian took wine. It was nice of him. We went to my flat for a second, I thought it would be empty, but no, and Kate wasn't alone. They were watching Home Alone together. I've seen that film only once.

"Look who's this! Want to join?"

"Sorry, I came only for five seconds." I took the box and we left them alone. Christian was observing me carefully.

"What?" He was thinking intensely about something.

"I have an idea. We'll talk about it later." The second part was very positive. We were trying to listen something on the radio, but there was nothing.  
We went up to the third floor and I noticed the right door. The weather outside was typical for winter. Wind, cold and terrible conditions on the road. Being inside the building again was great.  
I knocked the door and after a while the door opened.

"Hey, come in." She let us in. It took us a second to get out of scarves and jackets. Alex looked as always in domestic conditions, a giant creamy sweater and a cup of tea. Her hair was in a messy bun. It was just a family meeting.

He gave me a hug and finally looked at Christian.  
"Hi. I'm Christian Grey. Ana has talked about you only in superlatives." He said with a smile.

"Alexandra Steele or rather Alex." She looked at me "Do you guys want anything to drink? The kettle is on."

"I'll have some tea, Christian?"

"Yeah, me too."  
"I thought you'd prefer coffee, but that's even better." She made us Twinings Lady Grey which was something like a joke, but the tea was tasty. We were talking, eating. We drank a bit of wine. I should be forbidden to drink red wine at all.

I cleared the table and put the dishes into the dishwasher and we were ready to play.

"How did you two meet?" This question was becoming boring. I answered almost automatically.

"I'm a really private person, and that's what took so long to make it a public knowledge, besides I didn't want to put her in danger by the fact she was seeing me." That was Christian's answer to what took us so long. "My family loves her already."

"You've met the Greys?" Her voice was a bit off.

"Well, Kate is dating Christian's brother, so it wasn't that hard. Honestly I can say I see Elliot more often than my boyfriend." I joked. I didn't complain about the amount of time we were spending together. I was happy we had any time and possible future.

"I heard about Kate. Well, that's a nice change from the last guy. Tell her I'm happy, she found someone normal." I rolled my eyes which wasn't missed by Grey.

"He's far from normal. All the Greys are like this." Christian pulled my braid playfully.  
We started playing. It was fun.  
Name three countries in Europe, Christian nailed it. Name three three deceased actresses. That was for Alex.  
I got three things I would never tell my family. And I said, addiction, drugs and I didn't have enough time to say the last one. I felt embarrassed, because there were some things I would never tell my family. I knew they would be worried. Christian looked a bit off, but he was hiding it as best as possible. I knew he had a lot on his plate at that time. I wish I could help him somehow.

"Guys, I'm happy you two came. You look so happy, Ana." probably it was the wine in my head.

"I feel happy as well. Tell Ray, I'll come a bit later this year."

"I will. Love you, little sis." She shook hands with Christian and we went back to Escala. Taylor drove us, so it wasn't that bad. I went through the photos of today and I was excited to make my present for Christian.

Christian told me he had to work a bit, so I shouldn't wait for him. I didn't want to sleep alone.  
I put on a blanket and went downstairs. I sat by his study because I wasn't sure if I should come in or not. He was talking with Taylor, but I couldn't hear the words. I was sitting there until the door opened and Taylor pulled me off limbo between sleeping and being awake.

"Miss Steele?" Christian came to see what was going on.

"Ana? What are you doing here?" I was sleepy. I didn't want to talk.

"I didn't want to interrupt." Christian took me to his study and put me in the armchair in the corner. He made sure I was covered.

"I didn't want to sleep alone."

"Baby, give me five more minutes, okay?" I thought I nodded. "That's my girl."

I saw he was trying to remain in control, but it was affecting him. I saw a file on the desk but it was unclear to me. I decided to ask him the next day.

"Welch, I want you to find her. I need to talk to her." He stood by a drawer and I saw his hesitation. He closed the drawer and helped me to go back to our bedroom.

* * *

That would be it for today. You can expect more to post one more soon. All the feedback appreciated, and Happy Holidays


	8. Chapter 8

_Hello, I couldn't resist to post this one. Thanks for reading, in break from holiday preparation. This chapter is quite long, but I hope you're going to enjoy it as much as I do._

 _If you enjoyed it, let me know :)_  
 _Cheers_  
 _~m_

* * *

Chapter 8

APOV

"I guess you promised me an explanation." I was sitting nervously in his study. It felt odd to be on the other side. I wanted to be calm. I didn't know what to do with my hands but then Christian gave me a file.

"It's all we know so far about the case." I opened it and saw scans with some excerpts marked, timeline and I felt lost when I saw a photo of a young woman just like me. I didn't have to ask who she was. I knew it. She was one of them. No. One of us. I corrected myself quickly. I had to face it, I wasn't the first woman in Christian Grey's life.  
Unfortunately, there were blanks, she wasn't responsible for the entire journal. For a moment I forgot I was with Christian. I was thinking about that person who wanted to be hurt and how much my boyfriend enjoyed it.

"It's not too much. Have you talked to her yet?" Christian shook his head.

"I have to find her first. I don't know what's going on, but she went missing two months ago. Not that it was reported. She hasn't used her phone, credit card. She just vanished." I looked at the woman with sympathy. Hopefully, she was okay.

"I look like her." I stated. There was more to it, wasn't it?

"You do. You're all similar." He said after a while. I didn't like it. He had a type.

"Why?" I asked in a low voice. Christian was immediately in front of me. I looked up to see him.

"It's always been like that. I had enough of blondes after Elena."He said playfully. I couldn't express how much I hated that woman.

"You're joking?"

"Of course I'm joking."

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" I closed my eyes wanting to be somewhere else.

"Not yet. You need to know the full story to understand. But I want you to know that you only look similar. You're two totally different people. She enjoyed pain, as do I." He raised my chin and he was looking into my eyes.

"I don't want to do anything that could really hurt you. I'll never cross the line."

"I know. It must be hard knowing that it's possible I'll never be able to totally give myself to you."

"You've already given me everything."

"I have a file on every submissive, including you. Would you like to see it?" I refused. I knew about it. He mentioned about it when we were negotiating our contract for the first time.

"Anastasia, I understand how you feel…" I know it was rude, but it wasn't important.

"You have no fucking idea how I feel, Grey!" I had no idea how I felt. How could he? "I want to know what's going on." I wanted to stand up and leave but he stopped me. I was standing for a few seconds in silence. I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

"This way we're not going to solve anything." His tone was gentle as was his touch. "I don't want you to worry too much. It's just some piece of paper that made you doubt in yourself."

"I'm afraid one day you'll get bored of me." I confessed. I wasn't even sure if I was talking to him or to myself.

"If I hear that one more time, I will punish you. You're smarter than that and you know it. I'm not letting go of you. I don't give a fuck what Elena says, about doubts. I made a decision. It's you." It's amazing how important is that woman in his life. He took me to his bedroom and we lay down next to each other.

"Elena… She's very important to you." I started slowly. It was thin ice. I had to be really careful about that one.

"She's my business partner."I sighed. That wasn't the only thing.

"She knows. You let her touch you in some areas. You care about her opinion. I don't understand it." Christian's hand was in my hair. It was relaxing, but I wanted to have a clear mind.

"She introduced me to it." I understood, although it seemed a bit weird. That woman was dominant, but in a way that scared me. I would never want to submit to someone like her.

"May I know more?" I asked politely. It was part of his history. I wanted to understand why she was so important.

"She seduced me when I was younger. I was her submissive for six years." I couldn't believe that. When I looked at him, I knew he was telling the truth.

"You, a sub?" It surprised me when he smirked.

"À long time ago, it was good to keep me in line. Now, not so much." To prove his right he turned to me and pressed me to the mattress.

"How old were you?"

"Fifteen. Before you say anything… it was okay. I wanted that." He was a minor. I couldn't think straight.

"She abused a fifteen year-old boy, a minor and you're saying you wanted that? Fuck!" I pushed him away with all my strength. I needed to process what I've just heard.

"I'll explain that someday else. I was a terrible kid, and nothing was working. She helped me." He stated so calmly, like he was informing me the water was always wet.

"How can't you see that?" I asked. I was mad to hear that. I wasn't sure why I was still here.

"She's the only friend I have." I decided to play it cool and try to convince him he was wrong. There were people who cared about him. Probably more than he could imagine.

"And still your family doesn't know about you two. The people who actually care. You decided to keep them in the dark!"

"It's for the best. I don't want to hurt them."

"When it comes out, and believe me, one day it will. They'll feel hurt they didn't learn it from you." I took his hand and looked at him. There were so many things I didn't know.

"I know."

"Was she your first sub as well?" He nodded.

"I'm afraid of her. I don't want her around. There was always something that paralysed me inside when she was around."

"I made sure you won't be seeing her very often. I want you to be happy with me. Always."

"Do you remember other subs?"

"Some of them more than others, some are just vague memories. Don't think about them. You're the only one that matters to me, because you're my more." He was on me again and this time my body stopped listening to me.

"I've been thinking a lot about what to give you but I'll go with my first idea." I had no idea what he planned. I needed to go home to prepare my gift for him.

"You know you don't have to. Christian, how did you manage six years as a sub?" I asked because it was something that really intrigued me?

"Why? Thinking about switching?" I laughed at that but no. I wouldn't be able to do that. "It was hard at first, mostly because my hormones were crazy. It gave me a peace of mind I needed at that time and sometimes a lot of frustration. In the end I was satisfied."

"I was curious. Six years is a lot of time." We've been together for seven months or so, and I felt okay. Would I be the same person after five more years? I knew I wouldn't. It was impossible.

"It is."

* * *

CPOV

Christmas Eve was there, and I was thinking about all other things that just having good time. There were three people I needed to contact. I needed to find Leila Williams, one of my exes. It felt as if she vanished. I had bad feelings about this. The second person was Elena. I wanted to make sure she wouldn't do anything rude to Anastasia while at my parents'. The last person was the least of a problem. That one could wait. I've never cared about too many people, I wanted them to be happy, but I preferred staying back. Ana's words hurt me more than I cared to admit. She didn't understand. She didn't know the whole story. I saw how much she cared. I wanted her to know I acknowledged it, but I didn't know how.

It was a long shot but I decided to ask her to move in with me. I wanted to have her close. I didn't want to worry that much about her safety. I needed her with me. I also wanted ask her to marry me, but I wasn't sure if she would say yes. I wanted her in my life. I wanted to share it all with her.

I was alone in my study with Ana's file in hand. She was far more than I expected her to be at first. She managed to turn everything upside down. She gave me hope for better.

I was getting ready to leave when I saw Anastasia. She looked stunning. She had a low bun and wore the necklace from me. I saw she was smiling. I put on my shirt and turned to her.

"I know it's still early but I wanted to give you this." She gave it to me. That was a book. What else could Ana give me? I laughed to myself. I knew she put a lot of thought into choosing something I'd like.

"Thank you. What is it?"

"Just open it." Ana said with excitement. I looked at her and I saw she was becoming impatient. I opened it and saw a photo of us and a note.

Hopefully we can fill it in together. Merry Christmas.

I went through the pages and saw photos of us, and descriptions to them. When it happened, what were we doing. Ana also wrote down some of her thoughts and memories, I didn't realise. It started from our photo from her graduation and ended on selfie wearing pyjamas. I loved it.

"Say something." She said in a shy voice. I could only simile and kiss her. It was one of the most thoughtful presents I got.

"It's great. I love it." I gave her a hug and I felt so amazingly normal.

"Glad to hear it. Okay, how do I look?" I took another look at my adorable girlfriend and nodded with approval.

"Time to go, or else we're not leaving at all."

Mom invited us to stay for the night, but I wanted to be alone with Anastasia. We would come back in the morning.

"I know it's a weird question, but what did you get for Kate?"

"A cookbook. Maybe she'll have motivation to start." She said grinning. "Christian, stop worrying. Your people are doing what they can. Do not overthink that."

"I'll try." My parents always threw a small party on Christmas, but that was the first one I was intending to enjoy to the fullest.

I was attacked my a blur that turned out to be my sister and Ana and I were crashed by her hug.

"Guys, great to see you that early." Mia's always been full of energy. I didn't know how she was doing it. She could cheer up everyone.

"Hey, where are you taking her?" I said when she took Ana by the hand and started to move away from me.

"Don't worry. You'll get her back soon." She shouted back. I went to say hello to my parents and grandparents.  
It looked as if everyone was happy. My Mom was radiating with joy. My grandparents despite old age, laughed like a couple of teenagers. I couldn't see Elliot anywhere, but he couldn't be gone for long.

"Christian, you're finally there." My mum came to greet me. For a second she seemed concerned. "Where's Anastasia?"

"Mia kidnapped her." I explained and noticed relief on her face. "I wanted to bring her here first, but she was quicker than me." I greeted my grandparents but didn't sit down yet. I wanted to get my girl back. I saw a glimpse of her dress and followed her. Unfortunately, all the people were in a mood to chat, and I didn't spend too much time talking to them.

"Mia. I need my girlfriend for a second. Later she can be yours if you want." I knew Mia adored Ana, and wanted to spend as much time with as possible, but she came here with me. I followed my sister to see Ana hugging Kate and then joking with her and Elliot. They've already adopted her as another member of the family.

"Ms. Steele, could you join me, please?" She came to me with a bright smile.

"Elliot was wishing me to keep that charm on you. Apparently, you had some anger issues." She said winking at my brother.

"I've already told you, I wasn't an easy kid."

"But you haven't told me, you were expelled on a few occasions." She was stroking my cheek gently and I knew she was only putting the missing puzzles together.

"Now you know it. Have you learned anything else?" I put a finger on her neck.

"Nothing worth mentioning. I'd like to see Grace now." I knew she had kind feelings toward my mother.

"She asked me why you weren't with me." I heard a giggle. We came to the family seniors and Ana was officially met by the majority of the family.

"Grace, thank you so much for your invitation." She said while hugging her. My Dad also stood up and greeted her. I knew he had some initial doubts, but he let that go. Ana was making everyone happy around her. First we ate, and then I could finally have her to myself and dance.

"You know I can't, right?" She said unsure of herself.

"You know that I taught you a bit? It'll be fine, I promise. Just be a good little girl let me take care of you." Over the past few years I've learnt one important lesson about dancing. It all depends on who leads.

"I'll try." she managed to survive through waltz, but the beginning was terrible. She was counting steps and constantly stared at her feet.

"Relax and let it go." It was slightly better. I knew Ana wasn't much of a dancer, but some basics were worth knowing. "I don't know why are you so tense." Ana blushed red.

"Cause your ex is staring at me like she wanted to kill me." She said in a low voice. I looked there and also noticed that. It was disturbing to see her face. She was never like that to me. She was always very demanding and harsh, but she was never looking at me like she was looking at Ana.

"Forget about her. Focus on me." We managed another song and she was taken over by my brother. I knew he had a soft spot on Ana, but I knew it was very family like. I got the pleasure of dancing with Kate.

"The biggest jerk I've met." She said friendly.

"The most woman I've met." I answered back.

"I judged you wrong, Christian. You're not that bad. I love seeing Ana with you." It was the last thing I expected to hear from her. I was really lost at words.

"Well… Thank you. It means a lot and I was right about you, for the record. Congratulations on making Elliot somewhat normal. I wish you two all the best." She squeezed her hand a bit in appreciation and for the very first time we had honest conversation without a death state. She wasn't that bad. I turned to look for Anastasia but she was with my father now. I had to spend more time on teaching her a few moves.

"Maybe you'll get her back soon." Kate joked. Family Christmas together and we were both separately for most of the time. I was glad I didn't tell Mum we'd stay over.

"Well, we'll manage." Kate and I went for a drink and had it together.

"Wait for us guys." We heard Elliot coming with Mia.

"You owe me a dance, Christian." I rolled my eyes. As always.

"I know, don't worry."I looked to check if Ana was anywhere near. "Merry Christmas." We drank, joked for a while. Mia was proud of her latest achievements in organisation. She was working as an event planner. I had to say she was in the right position.

"I'm proud of you, sis." I hugged her and took her to the floor. Mia was one of those people who saw the best in everyone, even me. I couldn't be happier than to see her development and positive energy.

"Aww, that's sweet." I finally got my girlfriend back and I knew she needed a break. She had a delicate smile and she was relaxed. She didn't drink much, but I made sure she had enough water.

"I've had only a bit. I'll be fine in a second." She put her head on my shoulder and took my hand. I knew that she wasn't used to groups of people, but the atmosphere of today was special.  
Ana was confident, happy, she was perfect. I couldn't ask for more.  
I took her for a walk to the house. I wanted her for myself for a few moments before someone takes her again.

I pressed her hard to the door, unable to resist myself. I wanted to feel her. I liked her response and her good mood.

"Christian…" She said when I let her go. "I guess I feel a bit better."

We enjoyed the evening very much. I didn't know Christmas could be such fun.

* * *

APOV

"I'm so happy you're here Anastasia." I heard Christian's father.

"I'm happy too, Mr. Grey. Everyone's been so nice." We started dancing together and I felt again the increase in embarrassment level. Carrick seemed to understand me.

"I only want you to know you're always welcome in our house." I thanked him for that. I wasn't sure if he was saying this on his own, or Grace told him to. He didn't seem to like me, when I recalled our first meeting, but at this point I didn't see anything false about him. It was his way of being nice. Everyone in the Grey family is absolutely different and that was beautiful.

I was talking to many people, I drank a bit, but not too much. I didn't want to be punished later. I knew how Christian felt about me drinking.  
I went to restroom but when I was leaving I was stopped by the last person I wanted to see.

"Do you have a moment, Anastasia?" Her tone was suggesting that it wasn't a question. "You look like you're having a good time. Enjoy it, while you can." Everything in me wanted to run, but I just stood there, frozen.

"What do you want from me?" I wanted that woman gone from my life. I felt sick when I was looking at her.

"I was just curious. I have to admit there's something about you… I'd love to spend more time with you." She raised her hand to touch me, but I pushed it away.

"Don't. Why do you hate me so much?" I knew she wasn't going to answer me, but it was worth to try.

"I don't like you, but I don't hate you. That's too strong. He'll get tired of you, eventually."

"Leave me alone. Leave him alone, you've hurt him enough." That was when she slapped me.

"You're not very tamed pet. I think you should leave. You'll never be enough." She left me alone and I instantly looked at myself in the mirror. I knew the mark wouldn't last for long. I had to process what had happened. I had to take care of it, fast, before anyone could notice. I covered it a bit, so I wouldn't look like something happened.

I had one more glass but I knew that was my limit. I needed to tell Christian, but I didn't know how. I went to see Grace. I needed dive in the Grey cheer and I needed Grace.

"Is everything alright, Dear?" She said with concern. I nodded.

"I'm just very happy to be here." I talked to her about my recent problems and hopes it would get better soon. "I should go back to Christian. I'd like to finally spend some time with him." I plastered a smile and joined my beloved boyfriend. I couldn't stop thinking about what that monster did to him. I loved him and I wasn't going to leave him to her vines.  
Christian let his guard down. I saw how he was interacting with his family. I love how he was with me. I wanted to tell him what happened, but I didn't want to burst that bubble.

"I'm exhausted, please let's go home soon." I asked after another dance.

"You're sure you don't want to stay for the night?"

"Absolutely. I don't want to stay anymore." We weren't the first to leave, but we knew we would see the majority tomorrow.

I didn't want to say anything in the car but the air was becoming thicker between us. He got a text, but I wasn't sure if he even checked it. I didn't want to let go off his hand. It was holding me from crying.

At home, Christian instantly knew something was wrong and I wasn't sure if that was because of me. I felt ashamed that I didn't tell him right away.  
So, that was his that lovely evening was about to end.

"Anastasia, I want you to go to the library now." I didn't dare do anything else. The thing that drew my attention was a vase of flowers. I sat on the sofa and waited. I didn't have any specific instructions.

I cleared my head. I had to trust Christian. I knew he would always take care of me. When he entered the room, I was kneeling. I was going to tell him what happened earlier today.

"Stand, Ana." He took my hand and helped me up.

"Christian, I…" He put a finger on my lips to shut me up.

"I'd like to say this first, if you don't mind. He said firmly. "I'd like to thank you for today, Ana. You made me a very happy man, and I hope I made you happy too. I know that everything is still very new to us, but I have two serious questions for you, my love." What was happening? Why did I feel something big was coming? We were standing straight as equals and that felt so good.

"Will you move in with me?" I instantly nodded.

"Answer me, please." He said gently. I looked him straight in the eye.

"I will." And before I could move or anything else I saw Christian falling to one knee. It couldn't be…

"Anastasia, will you become my wife?" I was standing there speechless. I wasn't able to vocalise my answer. It was something absolutely unexpected. I heard Elena's voice in my head.  
I knew I could be what he needs, and he could be what I need.

"Yes." I finally managed to say. He put the ring on my finger. It was so delicate, I loved it. He embraced me and I felt so happy, I almost forgot what I wanted to say to him. "I love you Mr. Grey."

"I love you too" We shared a long loving kiss and I felt like the happiest person on Earth. He was serious about me, just as I was about him. I wasn't disposable. We hugged, we joked, we took some photos of us laughing together. It was great.

Unfortunately my good mood evaporated in less than five minutes.

"What was what you wanted to tell me?" He asked absolutely relieved. I shrugged, but I saw he wasn't buying it.

"It's nothing. It can wait till tomorrow."

"It can't. It seemed urgent. What is it, baby?"

"Elena came to me at the party. We talked, or actually she talked. She told me to stay away from you and she slapped me." I didn't want to look at him. It wasn't my fault, but I should've told him right away. Not wait until later.

"She did what?" I heard shock in his voice. I didn't want to say that again. "You will never keep anything from me, is that clear? All your fears, come straight to me." I was only nodding my head.

"I'm so sorry. I wanted this day to be our happiest. I didn't want to see you like this, not today. Christian, please…" His hand was caressing my cheek, that one which was hurt.

"It's not your fault. We'll take care of her tomorrow. But I can't tolerate the fact you choose to hide things from me." Please, not today.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising. We'll have a shower and I'll think what to do to my lovely fiancée." He said it a bit sadly. "I have to admit I had different plans." I followed him mechanically. I didn't react when he was undressing me. I knew he was right at that point. I was too scared to tell him when I left restroom.

Before I went under the stream, Christian washed off my make up which revealed a mark. I wanted to cry at my weakness.

"It's alright." He washed me carefully, but he didn't let me touch him. He wasn't talking to me. I wanted it all to stop. He saw I was in bad condition.

"Are you okay?" I nodded relieved he was talking to me again. He took me straight to bed, which wasn't what I expected.

"Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm more mad at myself and at Elena than at you. I'm conflicted now. I'm so happy you're going to marry me. It was worth to take the risk.  
She'll have to suck it up when he learns about it. If I have to choose between you two, the choice is obvious. I love you." He said and kissed my forehead.

"I was sure you were going to punish me."

"As was I. The person who's going to pay is Elena. I promise. You should know you should always come to me first. Never wait."

* * *

 _Okay, hopefully you enjoyed and had a good time. I thought that writing something happy for Christmas was in order :) We met one villain and our main couple still has some deep issues._

 _Let me know if you enjoyed. All the feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you share your thoughts with me with this one as well._

 _Cheers_  
 _~m_


	9. Chapter 9

_Hello, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas._  
 _Thank you for your time to read it. Enjoy the chapter :)_  
 _~m_

* * *

Chapter 9

APOV  
Christmas morning was better than I could expect. Yesterday's party was the formal part and today was meant for family cheer. I put on a shirt and plain sweater. I looked at my hand and touched the ring. It really happened and I really said yes.

The atmosphere between Christian and I was better than before we went to bed. I felt sorry, but I knew he was ashamed as well. It wasn't his fault. I only hoped he would understand how I feel.

"It's the best present I've ever got." He said and kissed my forehead.

Almost everyone from the family was exhausted. The party was a lovely affair, but everyone wanted to sleep. Especially Kate, Elliot, and Mia.

"Have you been sleeping at all?" She asked her children. Her tone felt like she wanted to tell them off, but no one cared. Grace wasn't in the best condition either.

"An hour or so. Only Wonder boy doesn't know how to have fun." Elliot pointed at Christian jokingly.

"I had fun yesterday, right Ana?" I only giggled. The finale was sad, but the rest was amazing.

"i don't know how about you, but I think our evening was quite eventful." It was fun that we only ate together and later we were divided into groups. Elliot and Mia went to play board games. Kate joined them and I stayed with Grace. I enjoyed her company, we talked about the party.

"It's great to be here with you. I think that was what I needed." I hugged her. I didn't want to go back to work at this point. I didn't want to look at that mess, but it was inevitable.

"You may not know that, but a lot of things changed for better since you're with us." I understood. That bitch was keeping him away from his family. She was manipulating him.

"That's nice to hear. Tomorrow we'll be going to see my family. Christian's already met my sister, but he hasn't met my dad yet." I was curious how that would go.

"That's great. Wish you have fun together." I knew I shouldn't be asking her this but I wanted to learn something about Mrs Lincoln from someone else than Christian.

"How long have you known Elena Lincoln?" I asked her. Christian wouldn't approve but I didn't give a fuck.

"Oh, you met her. For about thirty years. She's one of my closest friends. She might be a bit overwhelming, but that's just a façade." You have no idea.

"She works with Christian and I have an odd feeling about her." I confided in her, but Grace didn't understand what I meant to say.

"Carrick is also a bit reserved when it comes to new people, but he warms up after some time." She reassured me. If only she knew. I saw Christian talking to his father. The conversation concerned Elena and I didn't like that.

To make it worse that was the moment she came in. Dressed in her usual black, with heavy make up. She was surprised to see me in such a good mood.

"Sorry for coming late." She apologised and went to Grace. I went closer to Christian. I saw that nobody cared about her being here. Christian explained to me that Grace invites her every year because she has no family of her own.

"I thought I'd show you my old room." Christian took my hand and led me there. I knew he was having a good time.

"You were talking about Elena to your father." I stated when we left the living area.

"Yes, I'm going to terminate our partnership and I wanted his advice. Just in case something went wrong."

"I see." He opened the door and let me in first. It reminded me of when he showed me the playroom for the first time. Luckily I didn't see anything shocking this time. His room was quite big, but it seemed cosy. He had posters on the walls and concert tickets pinned to a board. It seemed so normal. Then I saw a photo in the corner that made me shiver. It was a beautiful woman but there was something disturbing in her.

"Who is that?" I pointed at the photo.

"My birth mother. She died when I was four." He explained briefly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I remember you were adopted by the Greys."

"It's okay. She was a terrible mother." He said coldly and that made me feel very uncomfortable, but I knew I'd like to continue that conversation in private.

"It's cute you brought me here."

"I've never brought a girl home so it seems fair that way." His hands were on me, but I pushed him away.

"Not now. Are you sure you're coming with me tomorrow?" He turned his head to look at me and had sarcastic smile.

"No, I think I'll hang out with my family and leave you alone." I wanted to punch him, but he caught me in time. "Of course we're going together. We have to make an announcement."

"We have one more to make. Were you waiting for Elena to show up?" I didn't have to ask. It was obvious. It was his way of slapping her in face. He made her look how the family interacts with me.

"Christian, why didn't you tell me that earlier? I don't like that kind of surprises."

"I'm sorry, Ana."He took my hand" Let's do it."We went back to the family and gave them warm smiles.  
I went to help Grace and Mia with the food.

It was nearly time for lunch and when everyone was seated at the table.

"I'd like to make some announcements. First, it was one of the Best Christmas I've ever had. Credit goes to Mia. She's getting better every year. Second, Mom thanks for gathering us all in here. And third, yesterday I asked Ana to marry me and she said yes." I felt their eyes on me but I didn't react. There was a moment of silence, but then a usual cheer returned.

"The best news ever, bro." Christian gave his brother a bored look.

"Don't even start, Lelliot." Kate, who was sitting next to me, squeezed my hand and Mia raised her glass. I felt that our announcement made almost everyone happy, even Carrick. Elena however, well… she didn't seem fine, but tried her best to hide it.

"Show me the ring!" Mia asked immediately and I showed her my hand.

* * *

CPOV

I didn't know what pushed me to that reaction. When Ana told me what happened yesterday, I saw red. I should never let that happen. For the past months Elena has been always complaining about her and she was simply mean to Ana. I knew she didn't like her, but she had no right to touch her.  
She was one of my oldest friends but I decided it was high time for parting ways. I decided to give her the salons and leave her alone. I couldn't have her in my life anymore.

I was thinking a lot about what Ana's reaction when I told her truth about Elena. I was a crazy teenager. I wanted everything I got. She didn't force me to anything, but the more I was thinking about her, the more spoke against her.

"I'm so happy for you, my boy." My mother came to me when Mia took Ana away from me. Again…  
I was proud of my sister. She was ambitious and determined. On the outside she might appear a bit distracted, but when it's needed she's always super organised. I thought about asking her to organise our wedding, but I needed to consult this first with Ana. I wanted her to enjoy this day most.

"Thanks, Mum. She's all I want and she said Yes." I wasn't trying to hide my excitement. I was really happy, and I could share it with my close ones.

"Why so fast though? Is she…?" I shook my head right away.

"She isn't pregnant. You may not know her very long, but I'm sure she's the right person." I said to calm her down. I knew she accepted Ana and she's already loved her like her another child but that was a serious decision on my part.

"I know she is. She's good for you. I've waited so long to hold you like this." She reassured me. I nodded. Ana was very good. Probably way better than I deserved.

"I know. I'm sorry it took me so long."

"So when do you want to get married?" I rolled my eyes. I've just proposed. We didn't have time to think about it very much. I wasn't ever so sure if she would accept me. I didn't want to be disappointed if she said no.

"We haven't had much time to talk about it. Believe me Mum, when we set the date, you'll be the first person to be informed."

"I certainly hope so." Ana and Grace were two most important women in my life. Both of them saved me from myself.

"I'd like to speak with you. In private." Elena came to me when I was enjoying the day with my older brother. I was expecting that to happen sooner or later. I knew she was barely holding back.

We went to one of the guest rooms. I let her know I was leaving for a moment. She immediately understood my message. I wouldn't mind if she join me or eavesdrop at that time. I wanted to be honest with Ana and myself.  
Her eyes were full of anger. She dropped the poor act.

"Please tell me you were only joking about engagement with that girl." I saw disgust and contempt. I didn't want to lose control. I had to control my emotions as well as possible.

"Please tell me you didn't raise hand on Anastasia." I said as calmly as I could. I knew that hurt her, but that also confirmed she did it. She wasn't trying to deny it. She wasn't trying to say Ana was making this up. I knew she wasn't, but I remembered some of Elena's games. "That's what I thought. Elena, you've crossed the line this time. I've been trying to ignore your actions, but I can't do that anymore." Part of me felt sorry a bit, but it stopped when Ana came in to join us.

"Hey, is everything okay?" She came closer to me and muttered 'sorry for that'. I didn't mind that to be honest. I kissed her on the cheek and put a hand on her shoulder.

"We're talking." Ana didn't react. She didn't move. She acted like she didn't give a fuck. "Can't you see she isn't right for you? Just look at her, she's cheeky, weak, and pathetic. You should stop wasting your time on this." I let her finish, but my patience was slowly running out.

"And can you tell me who's right, please? You, maybe?" She was breathing heavily. I wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do, but I could push Ana out of her way if necessary.

"Christian… Please…" I ran my fingers through my hair. I needed to think.

"I love her. If you can't accept that that I want to have nothing to do with you." I moved to leave but I stopped. Her eyes were wide open with disbelief.

"This is how you repay me after all these years? I helped you when you needed me. I let you become the person you're now. I helped you more you can understand. You can't love anyone. Love is for fools. She's just another toy you broke." I looked at Ana to check up if she was fine, but her face showed nothing.

"I know you didn't care about me. I only wish I could see sooner what you've done." I saw that clear now. Anastasia was right and I was blind. I let her hurt me.

"I'm sorry for you, Elena. I only wish you knew what it's like to love someone." Ana said quietly. Surprisingly, she was being honest.

"Who cares what it's like? I taught you everything you need!" She lost it. If it wasn't for Ana, I would let all my masks go.

"You only taught me how to fuck. Nothing else. We're done, Elena." She only stood there, absolutely shocked with the turn of events. I took Ana and left the room, but on the outside there were my parents and Elliot. Fuck. Ana was holding my hand. It was her doing. She chose to put it out in the open, but when I looked at her I knew it had to be done.

"Let's leave it. She's still in there." Ana took me from there without a second glance. Elliot followed me, but my parents stayed. I needed a drink. Elliot was awfully quiet. I never expected to see him like this. I never meant to hurt my family, and yet I did it.

Elliot took out vodka. I hated it so it was a good choice. I needed effects not taste. After second round Ana told me she was driving home. I told her not to worry. I was going to call Sawyer. I couldn't drive and I didn't want Ana to drive when she was distracted.

Kate and Mia weren't around and that was good in that case. I was happy Mia wasn't there. I wouldn't stand to see Mia if she found out. It was hard to look my brother in the eye. It was risky and I was glad that not many details leaked out. Elliot wasn't saying anything.

I noticed Elena leaving the house and my parents joining us. Elliot immediately poured him vodka.

"Why didn't you tell us, Christian?" My mother had tears in her eyes. I've never seen her so hurt and disappointed at the same time. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how.

"I didn't know how. I thought it was fine at the time. Puberty, hormones, anger. I was a disaster."

"How old were you?" At my answer my mother's sobs became louder.

"I should've done more than slap that bitch. She betrayed my trust. She abused my son and I let her be around us all these years." She found peace in her husband's arms, but I saw that the situation was also hard for him. My relationship with my father was complicated. I knew he loved me, but I've constantly felt like a disappointment to him.

"I'm sorry, Mum, Dad." Ana wasn't letting off my hand.

"It's not your fault, but your mother and I feel sad you didn't trust us enough to tell us."

"I feel guilty I didn't notice anything. I work with abused children almost every day and I wasn't there to help my child." It wasn't my mother's fault. It was mine.

"Elena fooled all of us. I only want her gone from our lives for good." Ana said firmly. I knew I had to cut all my ties with her. It was the first thing I was going to do when I get back.

"I'll make sure of it." I assured all of them.  
Ana was stubborn to take us home. I knew she wasn't happy anymore and the entire cheer was gone.

"What made them come down there?" I was sure she told them to follow her.

"I didn't. I told Grace I was going after you. Nothing else. It was bound to happen." I was surprised she still had that mask of indifference. I managed to remain in control only with Elena.  
Ana still kept her guard up.

We returned home and I sent an email to my lawyers to start working on the transmission of shares tomorrow morning. I was leaving her alone along with all the mess. I didn't want to be part of her sick game anymore.

I called my father to let him know we were back home and to apologise once more.

"We'll have a lot to catch up. No more secrets, son." If only that was possible.

Anastasia came to me the moment I finished the call.  
"Do you need anything? Christian, if you don't want to go with me, because of what happened, I'll understand. I'll stay if you need me." Ave said sincerely. I wanted to meet her father. Seeing Alexandra was a bit of surprise, but it went better that I thought it would. From what Ana told me about him, he was a decent man with kind heart. Whenever Ana talked about him, I felt he was extremely important for her. It felt almost as I talk about Grace.

"Of course we're going together. I'm not going to miss that chance." She gave me a warm smile.

"Good to hear it. I love you." I couldn't keep the promise of not keeping secrets to my parents, but I knew I had to tell Ana. If she agreed to marry me, I need to tell her everything she needs to know.

The Steeles were totally different from my family. They were all introverts but with kind nature. Ana introduced me to her father and we immediately hit it off. I saw him on graduation, but we've never talked. That was that part when all I wanted was to have this man's daughter.

"Thank you for invitation Mr Steele." We also announced our engagement and their reaction was quite enthusiastic.

"Are you pregnant?" Alex turned to look at me carefully.

"No. It just happened, but relax, we haven't set the date yet." Ana was so adorable when she was with her family. I couldn't stop looking at her. She was acting like nothing happened yesterday. She explained to me she wanted to have Christmas first and worry about that bitch later.

I knew I had to process the events of this week. Dr Flynn is going to have a interesting week.  
I didn't want to wait very long with the wedding. We needed to discuss it.

That was when I got the text from Taylor.  
 _We found Leila_  
At last some good news.

* * *

 _Thank you for today, have a good day. Thank you for the support and all the reviews, all of them are cool (both positive and negative, I appreciate them) share your thoughts and see you soon :)_  
 _~m_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello,_  
 _Time for another chapter and it's 10th chapter. It's quite cool.. Thanks for giving your time to read it and hopefully you enjoyed it. Thank you for all the feedback as well._  
 _Have fun_  
 _~m_

* * *

Chapter 10

APOV

I didn't know one could be so exhausted. I had to admit that before I met Christian my life was easier. There was no boyfriend, nobody wanted to hurt me, and now I felt like my entire life was changing.

I felt sorry for Christian, I knew it was a very hard time for him. We didn't stay over at my Dad's because we got the info that Leila was found. I hated to leave my family like this, but they didn't stop us. They understood. We promised to make it up to them whenever we get the chance.

Leila was different from what I expected. Her writing was interesting. She enjoyed her relationship, but at the same time she was conflicted if that was what she wanted from him. I knew she had feelings for him and he had none. That was one of the things that made me feel uncomfortable whenever I thought about her.

But when I saw her, I saw a kind person, although there was something wrong. She had worried expression and she was barely on her feet.

"I'm glad to see you." I heard Christian saying in relief.

"I came here on my own actually. I didn't know that anyone was looking for me." Taylor told us that that and that she posed no danger.

"You wanted to see me?" He asked her in disbelief and I sensed a bit of fear. "Why?" She waited a moment before we answered. She looked at me and I knew she wasn't sure if I should be there.

"This is my fiancée, Anastasia." Much to my surprise, she gave us a sincere smile.

"Congratulations. I wanted to check up if you're okay."

"Why?" Grey was on high alert now.

"Well, I came here for a reason. I wanted to warn you." She looked at me as well. "Or actually, I wanted to warn you."

"I don't know what you're playing at Leila, but don't threat Ana." I raised my hand to shut up. She wasn't threatening us.

"Christian, listen first, talk later." I said coldly to him. "Leila, you don't look too well. Just tell us why you're here." Christian was only looking at me and I knew I was beginning to lose control over my emotions.

"Elena Lincoln approached me a while ago. She wanted to convince me to try again with you." At the bitch's name I shivered. It wasn't going to end. I was never going to be free from her claws.

"What?" I couldn't believe my own ears.

"She introduced us to one another. She always thought I was her best choice. She hates you and wants you gone." Leila offered as an explanation. From what I've read, Leila was the type Elena would approve. I wanted to vomit.

"She sent you here?" Christian's voice was full of anger but it wasn't pointed at her.

"Nobody sent me. I left her house because she was at your parents'. It was the best option I had. I needed to do something. I decided to come to you and tell you I have nothing to do with her. She threatened me. I wanted to ask you for help to get away from her. I want to go back to my life and act like nothing happened." I saw that Christian's expression changed. He was no longer angry, he was worried. I also felt upset, but I had to think straight.

"No offence Mr Grey, but I don't want to be in your life in any way." She said quietly.

"I'm glad you came to me." Eventually, he smiled sadly and shook her hand. I wanted to show him somehow that he wasn't alone.

"Why were you looking for me?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to her about it yet.

"Later, Leila." I said to her. I took Christian out of the guest room and Mrs Jones gave me tea.

"It's too late for tea. I'll talk to Taylor and Welch. I want to know as much as possible about the situation. I'll talk to her tomorrow, but I'd like to ask you to keep her company. I didn't expect her to come to me, but I'm glad she did."

"If what she's saying is true than you owe her an apology."

"I know." He nodded. I knew that situation was bothering him more that he thought. Elena was going to great lengths to get rid of me. "Ana, thanks for being logical." I knew it was his way of a compliment.

"I'll be with Leila if you need me." Christian disappeared in his study and I went to the library to pick up the journal and went to see her.

I knocked and entered the room. Leila have me a kind smile.

"Anastasia. It was you, who wanted to talk, not Mr Grey."

"We both wanted to see you, but for two different reasons." I gulped. She look just the same as in the pictures, but I felt a bit intimidated by her. It lasted for a couple of seconds but I realised she knew him better than me in some aspects. She could give him what I couldn't.

"I didn't mean to be rude earlier. Don't take it to personally, please. I didn't want to beat around the bush." She touched my shoulder and I turned to look at her.

"Do you know why she's like that with me?"

"Mostly because you're his more." The way she spoke it rang a familiar bell in my head. She cared about him too, but she knew he wouldn't love her back. What did I have that Leila didn't?

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He loves you, and she doesn't understand it. She wanted to keep him for herself." I pulled out the journal and put it on the bed. I was curious of her reaction and she didn't disappoint me.

"Where did you get it?" She asked me quietly. She suddenly became nervous and looked carefully at the door.

"So, it is yours." she nodded once. "I found it in sub's room a few months ago. It was among other books."

"I must have forgotten about it when I was leaving." There was an awkward silence between us. I came to her for a reason. She seemed to be honest and friendly, but I wanted to get some answers.

"You didn't leave it in purpose." I said to clarify. "I wanted to ask you about a few things…"

We mostly talked about the circumstances when the journal was written. It was weird to talk to her about her relationship with Christian.  
According to Leila, he's become softer, since they were in the arrangement.

"He isn't acting like Mrs. Lincoln for instance. That woman is a sadistic bitch. I you must be careful. She won't quit before she finishes you."

"You still care about him, don't you?" She didn't have to say it out loud.

"Yes, but currently I'm seeing someone, who cares about me as well." I wanted to go to my apartment to start packing. I said goodbye and went to Christian's study. He was with Taylor, Welch and Sawyer. I had to get used to them.

"We're finished. You can start your interrogation in the morning. Luke, could you take me to my apartment, please?" I hated when I didn't have my car. I knew I could always rely on Sawyer.

"Did she upset you?"

"No, I just want to see Kate and start packing. I'm not sure if I'd be back for the night." I gave him a brief smile.

"Leave us for a minute." We were alone and I saw he was obviously worried about something.

"How was it?" I repeated him everything I was told. I needed some time alone to process everything and I couldn't think of anything else than packing. That had to be done anyway.  
Besides, I needed to go back to work and sort out the mess.

"I was talking here to give you more protection. From now on, Sawyer isn't leaving your side." I didn't want to argue, but I wasn't sure if I wanted anyone around me. On the other hand I didn't feel very much safe. I was afraid of that woman.

"Okay. Just don't be an ass to Leila." I kissed him goodbye and went to the apartment I shared with Kate. It was odd because I knew these were my last days here. We've had such a great time together. I was lucky I didn't have much stuff. The other advantage was that some of my boxes were still unpacked and the rest was folded behind a chest of drawers.

The worst box was the one with books. I tried to remember which books Christian has, and which he doesn't. It took me longer than I originally expected. Each of my books had a special history and that often determined as well, to which box the book was going to be put.

I heard the door open and I came to say hi to my friend.

"Ana. It's great to see you. Wait, you don't look to well. What happened?" I hugged and smiled. I was okay.

"I'm just packing my things and I was going through the books." I explained. Kate knew I've always been close to my books. Some of them were treated so carefully as if they were living creatures.

"Oh, so it is official, then?"

"Yup. Whenever I'm ready. Besides, I needed some time alone. Last months have been overwhelming." I didn't mean to sound sad or to show that there was something wrong with me.

"I'll miss you." She pouted and looked at me with those big blue eyes.

"I'll miss you too. Want to give me a hand?" It took us less time to pack my belongings. I was glad I didn't have much of it. Luckily, my notes from university took two big boxes, and they weren't touched since I graduated. She told me about the situation at the Greys, to put it mildly Grace wasn't fine.

"I feel sorry for them that they found out like this."

"They would find out sooner or later. There was no good way to tell them." I thought about meeting Grace for lunch. She needed a bit of normalcy after everything that happened.

"I guess you're right." I texted Christian I wasn't going home for the night. I didn't feel best with the knowledge that I left my boyfriend with one of his masochist exes, but I trusted him.

* * *

CPOV

I didn't like sleeping alone. Until I met Ana, I was sure I was incapable of sharing bed with someone. Now that I met Ana, I hate nights without her. When she's close, I feel at peace.

My day at the office was fine and totally uneventful. Almost everyone was still in the Christmas  
I had that feeling that something was still wrong. Leila was in my apartment. I planned to talk to her about the journal. I needed to be sure there were no other indications that it concerned me. If it fell into the wrong hands… I didn't even want to think about that. Ana let me know that some of her boxes are ready to be sent, yet that she still needs some time to sort everything out.

I let Leila stay just to be sure she isn't followed or that she won't flee. Leila was one of Elena's favourite pets. She would've been my favourite as well if she didn't fall for me.

"I was wondering when I'd see you. Thanks for letting me stay, I hope it wasn't a problem for Anastasia."

"Don't worry about her. I wanted to remind you about your NDA. I read it as well. I know you didn't use any names, but I want to be sure, that in others there's no sensitive information."

"You don't have to worry, Mr Grey." I took a minute to look at her and I didn't see that there was something wrong. She was smiling naturally although she felt a bit uncomfortable.

"You're happy with her." She said it more to herself than to me.

"Yes, very much. Is there any other way you can help us? What is Elena up to?"

"I don't know exactly, but she's running out of time. I left her house because it was finally empty." I was about to leave when I remembered something.

"You didn't start it, do you know who did?" Leila nodded.

"It doesn't matter. Believe me and let it go." I left her alone. I went to my study. I took out all the files of subs before Leila. One drew my immediate attention and I felt guilty again. I wasn't sure if I should tell Anastasia. I had to really think it over. I made sure Ana had someone to look out for her. I was thinking about coming to her, but she said she needed space.

* * *

"How was your day?" Ana asked me on the way home.

"I saw Flynn again. We talked about Elena a lot. We went back to the beginning." I didn't like to think about her but she couldn't leave my head. I felt so powerless.

"How are you holding up?" I was trying to hold my shit together. We heard no news from her.  
She called my mother the day after the party, but Grace didn't answer the phone.

"I'm trying to be okay." Leila was sent home, but I made sure there was someone to watch her. I had to keep an eye on her. Maybe Elena would decide to contact her again. I couldn't leave her off my sight.

"I've sent my last box yesterday. I'll spend the evening on unpacking some of it.," She told me in a distracted voice. She wasn't totally with me. I knew she wouldn't accept Mrs. Jones' help.

"That's good. I missed you in my bed." I said to bring her back to the car.

"I drew your attention. For other reasons as well." I had a crazy plan of inviting my siblings to New Year's Eve. If Ana would like, I could also invite Alexandra.

"Would you like to spend New Year's Eve with my siblings at Escala? We could play pool some other games and have fun together. It can be in pyjamas if you want. I can invite Alex." Ana was thinking about it. I knew she was undermined because of Elena. I wanted to distract her a bit. She needed to relax.

"Okay, I'll call Mia, and maybe she could teach me something. Christian, that won't distract me from thinking about that bitch. I'm sorry, baby."

* * *

 _She will return._  
 _That will be it. Let me know if you enjoyed it and see you next time :)_  
 _~m_


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello,_  
 _This is the last chapter in 2018. The next one is going to appear early in January. Here, I'd like to thank for a cool year and great readers who wanted to give a few minutes of their time for this story._  
 _Enjoy the chapter and Happy New Year :)_  
 _~m_

* * *

Chapter 11

?POV

For people on the outside I might seem uninteresting, reserved or even cold. I got used to that. My social circle has always been very small. However, I've always wanted to have few close friends. I couldn't change the fact that I was an introvert. I loved it. When I needed, for instance at work, I could pretend an extravert for the necessary period of time, but it was only to reach some goal.

My day started as usual. I woke up too early, I spent a few hours on working and I had too many coffees. Everyone has to die someday, right?  
Coffee might become my doom one day.

I didn't plan that, but I decided to go to the club. I've been a member for about three years, but it's been a while since my last visit. I had too much on my plate and I wasn't sure what I was looking for exactly. I was observing people playing but I felt nothing. It was always nice to see familiar people, but I didn't engage with anyone. It's been a long time since I've engaged with anyone. I was ready to go back, so here I was. Day before New Year's Eve. I should be doing something else, but I couldn't resist much longer. I needed to start looking for someone eventually.

Everyone knew I was just an observer. I wanted to go back to what I've known and what has always been my comfort zone.

"I haven't seen you here before." Some guy approached me. He appeared my age, but I didn't want to talk to him. I was lost in my thoughts. I didn't want to be interrupted. I looked him straight in the eye and he saw I wasn't interested.  
Apparently, everyone was good at something. I was the best at death stare.

I didn't want to be like this. I knew I needed to talk more to people. Unfortunately, they weren't a code. That would make everyone's life easier.  
Although, I had to admit people were very ritualistic creatures and that was beautiful in a way. Routine was good. That was the moment when I felt old for the first time. That sense of stability and security… That was a lot more than many people could have. I was happy with my life though. There was simply one thing lacking.

I knew I should think my decision though, but I was tired of feeling different and adjusting for the sake of others. I was trying vanilla relationships, but there was always something missing. I felt misunderstood.

"What a pleasant surprise." I heard a familiar voice of Mrs. L. behind my back. I immediately turned to look at her. I didn't cast my eyes down. I wasn't contracted with her. I only smirked at her sight.

"I needed a break, but I'm thinking about going back in." I admitted and shrugged.

"Then I might have someone you'd might be interested in." She got me interested. Over the years, she'd been helpful to me twice. I met two good Doms with whom I felt safe. I waved my hand for her to continue. She knew me enough to know I wasn't easily interested in anyone. The older I was, my demands were evolving.

"Why would I be?" I frowned.

"How about we go somewhere to speak in private?" I nodded and we left the main area. We moved away from others and moved to more quiet area.

"One of my friends is looking for a submissive and you've already met him. As far as I remember you two parted ways in friendship." I had to think who she was talking about. Almost all my relationships and arrangements peacefully. It was actually easier to remember which ended badly, but Lincoln had something to do with only two men.

"J. or C.?" If that was Jonathan, I could be interested. We got on well, and from what I've known he's been single for a few months. As for the latter… It was simply impossible. I knew he was involved with a woman. From what I remembered he never liked to share. Lincoln was surprise by my direct question, but I've learnt that she only respected those people she had reasons to be afraid of. I might have been a sub, but nobody could call me a pushover. It was my choice, not weakness. Besides, I could hurt her if I had a reason to.

"C. He's currently looking for someone and the last one I offered him was unfortunately rejected." She said smugly and I was standing there dumbfounded. That couldn't be true.

"As you said, we parted ways in friendship. If he were interested with engaging with me again, he would've reached out to me personally." I said as calmly as I could. I could preserve my harsh look for hours, but I hoped she hadn't noticed my disgust with the news I got.

"You know he's a busy man, he doesn't really think too much about conducting interviews with every submissive woman. I want to make it as easy as possible." I sensed something false in her, but chose to stay quiet.

"May I ask, which one was rejected? From what I know, he really values your opinion. " I was curious if that was someone I knew.

"Leila." I closed my eyes and remembered her. She was and artist. A painter if I remembered correctly. She was a freelancer. Her aquarelles were beautiful. If he rejected her that meant there was something wrong.

"I'm really grateful for informing me. I'll contact Mr. G. if I'd be interested to another arrangement." I stated calmly although I felt totally petrified with what I've learnt.

"I'd rather you contact me first. I want to know how you two progress together." I nodded not really knowing what to do with the knowledge I got. She left me alone. I went back to others and asked for water. I didn't want to drink my alcohol. I wasn't going to touch my drink after leaving the bar.

I joined my friends for a brief moment and I promised I would call them at least next year, which was kinda ironic, because next year was about to start in about twenty-four hours.

"You don't look very good. Do you need help?" Daniel asked me when I stopped responding to their talk.

"I'm good, but I should get going." I called a cab and I finally found myself at my apartment.  
I didn't know what to do with the knowledge. I didn't trust that woman. My relationship with Grey ended, but I was completely fine with that. It was a mutual decision that didn't hurt either of us.

I quickly opened my laptop and googled Leila Williams. I looked through her gallery on her official website and I was really impressed. It was all very suspicious to me. Everyone knew Leila at the club and I've never heard a word of complaint about her. I needed to talk to her. I remembered about my NDA, but we've talked before on some occasions. We knew the most valuable information about Grey and he allowed us to talk about it. We were in touch for time to time.

The number I had on my phone wasn't working so I tried the one I found on her website. I didn't care it was late. There was something wrong and I needed someone to talk to.

"Hey, good to hear from you." She answered the phone. Apparently, she still had my number.

"Hey, Lulu. Is this a bad time?" I knew it was late.

"No. I've been thinking about you lately." I heard she was yawning.

"I'm sorry for waking you up." I said apologetically.

"You didn't. Besides, I can't sleep too well for the past weeks. I was approached my Mrs. Elena and my last months were rough." I didn't like the sound of it.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I immediately asked. No matter how careful you were, there were many psychos at large. I could never stop being vigilant.

"I'm fine. How about you?" I wasn't exactly sure where to start, but at least I was sure I had her attention.

"She approached me today. Leila, please tell me he isn't looking for anyone." I was trying my best to control my voice.

"You saw the photo as well? Yes, he's with someone. It looks like he's settling down. She wanted to contract you with him again?"

"Yes." That was all I could say.

"I don't know what she's playing at, but she's up to something and that's nothing good." I had that feeling, but I had no idea what she wanted. What she could want from me?

"But why?"

"I don't know exactly. I left her and cut her down when I realised I was being used." I still knew close to nothing. I didn't know what to feel. "It has something to do with Grey's girlfriend. Whenever she spoke about her, she sounded as if she wanted to kill her. I think she believes Grey is her toy and she doesn't want to share him with anyone." She was one possessive bitch.

"I'm sorry I bothered you so late."

"I'm glad you did. Please contact Grey. I would like to help him more, but I don't know how. You are the last person she contacted. Besides, he might want to track you down for another reason." I didn't know what that might be. I didn't want to call him. I shouldn't do that, especially that Lincoln probably keeps an eye on me.

"I'll manage. Thanks, Lulu." I ended the call. I wasn't able to eat anything. When I was in the bathroom I was staring on all the marks on my body. I looked at the scars on my back for a moment and went under the stream of water. I wasn't sure what to do. My routine was broken and it was odd. I didn't know what to feel. Before I went to bed I took out my pen and started noting down what happened today in dark blue ink.

* * *

 _Okay, that's it for this year :) Any speculations?_  
 _Hopefully you enjoyed it. All the feedback greatly appreciated and see you in 2019_  
 _~m_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello in 2019,_  
 _Nice to welcome you in another year. Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Hopefully, you had good celebration._  
 _Enjoy the chapter._

* * *

Chapter 12

APOV

On the one hand, I was happy that I was going to spend time with Kate, Alex, Elliot, and Mia, but on the other hand I knew it was only to distract me from constant thinking about Mrs. Lincoln. All my stuff was moved to Escala and Christian assigned Sawyer to me. I didn't want to take the risk of seeing her on my own. We had lovely afternoon and I was excited for the evening. I was already tired, but it wasn't going to stop me from having fun.

Mrs. Jones was spending New Year's Eve with her family and that motivated me to cook. I didn't want to do it alone though.

"I brought cupcakes." Mia said with excitement. I was glad because I wasn't best at baking.

"Put them there." She helped me with the sauce and soon we put lasagne to the oven. I set the timer and cleaned the kitchen.

"They should be there any minute." Mia commented on me checking time every minute.

"I know. I should get changed." Cooking in comfortable and loose clothes was okay. I needed to move without limits and be able to focus. . Besides, I liked wearing Christian's t-shirts from time to time. I put on a pair of skinny jeans and dark red top. I hardly ever wore red, but it seemed good. I braided my hair again, because it looked like a mess. I didn't give a damn about make-up. I knew I wouldn't be in condition to wash it off.

I checked the oven and made sure I didn't burn our dinner. Christian was busy in his study. I knocked and entered.

"Is everyone here?" I shook my head. Not yet.

"Nope. Mia is here. Alex will be in five and Kate and Elliot… "I didn't have to finish. I've known Kate and Christian's known his brother for ages. We took that into consideration. He didn't look best. He was frowning and looking at his desk instead of me.

"I'll call him to ask if they stuck at home. Do you need anything?" He started in light tone, but I felt like I wasn't welcome. I came to him any hugged him from behind. I kissed him on the cheek and exhaled deeply.

"It was you who told me to let go of the bitch problem. I know you're worried especially now, but I know I will be fine." I kissed him again to reassure him.

"You're right I'm overreacting." He admitted quietly. I wanted to enjoy that moment of privacy when Sawyer let us know Alex was on her way up.

"Call Elliot. I'll be with the girls." I went to foyer to meet my sister.

"Hey, I was about to call you." I said when she was taking off her jacket. She had a close look at me and I could only smile back.

"But I'm not too late?" She asked and I led her to the kitchen. She was immediately taken over by Mia. I saw that Alex was totally focused on her and felt a bit uncomfortable. It was normal with Mia at first, but she'll get used to her. She had a high ponytail and she wore mint green blouse. We weren't very similar. On many occasions we were asked if we had the same parents.

I was taking food out of the oven when Kate and Elliot arrived.

"Perfect timing guys." I shouted to them from my spot. I didn't get burn so I was halfway through hard part.

"Pass me the long knife." I told Alex. and she looked around and when it wasn't anywhere in the open she quickly took it from the drawer.

"Okay. One done, five more to go." She helped me with setting everything and we could have meal together.

I looked at Kate with a hunt of disapproval. She was the only one who wore a dress and had full make up.

"Don't tell me you were late because you didn't know what to wear." I joked, although I remembered times when it was a problem for her.

"You're telling this like you didn't know me." She answered back. We had a pile of games prepared in the balls room and we weren't exactly sure what we wanted to play first.

"Ana. It's delicious, as always." Christian complimented on me. It wasn't hard to satisfy him in terms of food. If something was edible, he would eat it.

"I miss that." Kate said when she put her for down.

"I know." Mia took out Black Stories and we moved to the couch. We were full and it was a good way of relaxation. We had a few rounds of 5 seconds to concentrate and then we played a few stories. It was fun to cooperate with everyone and I've learnt that the question "is this a human?" is absolutely legitimate. We had the story that Simon was reckless and got himself killed. We were trying to solve it for almost 15 minutes when Elliot asked that question. It turned out Simon was a bee…

We went to play pool and I originally wanted to play with Christian, but one memory made me change my mind. I wasn't going to be a sore loser this time, so I tried with Elliot.  
Obviously, I lost.  
We were playing in turns and watching other people play was honestly interesting. I saw that Christian wasn't there for a few minutes.

"There's only thirty minutes left to midnight."

"That's a lot of time. Relax Mr Grey. We'll have champagne soon and we'll watch fireworks together."

"I can't wait to it." He said into my ear. I had constant feeling of being watched and I didn't mean by the CCTV. Everyone was looking at us, from time to time.

We remembered about getting dressed and we went to the balcony. Kate was counting down the seconds and Christian opened champagne.

Mia and Alex held the glasses. Christian poured champagne, and turned to kiss me.

"Happy New Year, guys." Mia exclaimed happily. We were looking at the fireworks and drinking champagne.

"Happy New Year. I love you." I turned to Christian and he said the same. We waited until the fireworks stopped and we went back inside. Nobody wanted to be ill. Elliot remembered about taking out blankets just in case. It was warm in the apartment but some of us felt cold after few minutes outside.

We went back to play and I forgot to take the cupcakes.

"I'll get them." Alex left the room. I was observing Mia and Elliot playing pool and it wasn't obvious who was going to win. Christian wasn't there either.

"I couldn't stop looking at you two. He's quite cute, I must say." Kate said to me when my mouth was full. It wasn't the best time to start conversation. I started to cough and she helped me to deal with it.

"You know it isn't the time you start talking. I could have it in my nose." My voice was hoarse after the cough.

"Yeah, I see. It's great to see you so happy. Elliot is also great, by the way." She giggled and I felt somewhat satisfied. I've known his and her reputation. It was good they both decided to calm down, but just a bit.

"That brother is yours. I'm not giving Christian away."

"No offence Kate, but I'm glad it was Ana instead of you." He mocked. I gave him an odd look.

"Honestly, me too. I was absolutely certain you were gay." That was when Alex spilled her drink.

"Seriously?" Christian said sarcastically looking at Kate.

"Nevermind."

* * *

CPOV

It was one of the best evenings in the year. Unfortunately, it wasn't as calm as I expected. I had bad feelings and I wasn't sure. I showed them to the guest rooms and finally joined Anastasia.

"We'll make pancakes in the morning. So don't worry." Ana said in a sleepy voice. I knew it was what she needed. A while without having to worry about every step.

"I've been thinking about setting the date sometime soon."

"Not until she's out of our lives for good. Plus, I need to get some answers from you. Then, we'll be able to think about it seriously." She said and turned on the other side to sleep.

I checked recent info on Elena and noticed she became more active in her club. It was a bit disturbing especially as she had a contracted sub.  
I knew she wasn't going to back down easily on me so I had to be ready to fight back. I wasn't her only victim and I knew she had a lot of material which could be used against me.

I was trying to reach it and I was close to success. I didn't want to ruin her, I was even willing to let that go, but I can't let her threaten to my family.  
Barney was doing his best to pull out everything on Elena. Not only a proof she abused children, but also all inconsistencies in her company management.

I promised Ana she would be safe and I was going to do everything in my power to keep that promise.

* * *

?POV

I was curious how long did I have before she contacts me again. I was expecting her to give me a week, but she contacted me at the beginning of February. I met her at the club again.

"I take you're not interested in what I have to offer."

"I don't know." I've been thinking a lot about it. I got specific instructions about what to do. "But, I think I am. I just want to make sure you don't want anyone hurt." Elena smiled sweetly and I knew she was being fake.

"Absolutely. I'm sure Mr G will be happy to see you." I didn't let anything show. I knew he wouldn't react as she hoped. He had eyes only for one woman.

"Come to my house next Friday." She gave me her address and left. I spent an hour or so on processing everything that happened and sent a text confirming I'm in.

It was a long shot, but I couldn't stay behind and do nothing. I finished my drink and returned home.

So many things could go wrong, but I had to at least try.

* * *

 _Okay, let me know if you enjoyed it and see you guys soon :)_  
 _Cheers_


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello, as the fun time is over the next chapter will be posted around Thursday. Here, I'd like to thank all the people who spent their time on reading and having fun with it. I'm positively shocked by the reception of the previous chapter. Thank you a lot. That was great :)_  
 _Enjoy the chapter_

* * *

Chapter 13

APOV

I was tired. For the past month I've been trying to catch up with my life and let Sawyer do his job. I've been patient and collected. However, with each day I wanted all of this to be over. I didn't lose any more clients. I was about to learn if my contract would be extended or not. At the same time, my life consisted mostly of trips to and from work. We stopped going out. We spent most of our time at home. Once we went sailing, but it was just that one occasion.

Kate knew something was wrong, but I didn't tell her details. Same thing with Alex and Mia. They knew basics and they understood I was hiding for most of the time. I had reasons to be scared. Lincoln was unpredictable. It's impossible to tell what she might do.

Christian seemed to understand me and he really made everything not to make me feel suffocated.  
He wants to keep me safe and I appreciate that. I only wish he talked to me more. He's been acting strange and I wanted to know more on the current situation.

It has become normal that we spent our evenings separately. I had tea blanket and read a book in the library or worked on my computer and Christian was in his study. I started that silence marathon. He knew I wasn't offended. I only wanted some space from all this. I read books, I translated texts. I prepared scripts for my upcoming conference on teaching English as a foreign language. It's been absolutely crazy.

"I see you only in bed or in the car lately." Christian said when I eventually came to bed. I knew it. I couldn't control my emotions as well as I hoped.

"I liked Larsson. I want to finish it this week." I saw his disapproval. I knew he saw changes in me as well." I know. I just can't get her out of my head and no, you know I can't leave town for a while. How was your day?" I asked to change the subject.

"Long and quite stressful. I'm glad it's over." He kissed me on my forehead and pulled me closer to his chest. I inhaled deeply and tried to relax in his arms which surprisingly wasn't easy.

"What's bothering you, Ana?" We were embraces and I didn't want to move even a bit.

"You know what. Is there any progress? I don't want to live like that forever." I bit my tongue. "Sorry. I know I shouldn't be complaining. You're doing your best." I knew this situation was giving him a hard time as well.

"I don't want to lock you up in here. Well, I'm trying to get proof on Elena that she's a pedophile. I mean other than my word. There were other boys who "got help" from her." I frowned appalled. "My team is doing whatever they can, but I'm becoming more desperate. I ask different people for help." I heard hesitation in his voice. Something was wrong.

"Has Elena contacted you?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"Last week. She wanted to meet and talk. I asked her to send an email. I don't want to see her." He stroked my hair, yet I was still sure he was keeping things from me.

"What does she want then?"

"She doesn't want me to leave our partnership. She's afraid to be on her own especially as, thanks to my mother and Mia, she lost clients. In beauty industry bad word can do more damage than you might expect. I told her it was over." I sighed in relief. There were no bad details.

"You said right thing."

"I know. Then she accused me of being ungrateful jerk who didn't appreciate her. I paid her off with huge interests years ago. I owe her nothing now." He said coldly. I was glad I couldn't see his eyes.

"You never told me why do you treat yourself so badly. I didn't want to ask Grace about that." I moved away and saw that I asked a tricky question. I was touching the line and I wasn't sure if I didn't cross it. I knew he'd eventually tell me. He took his time.

"My birth mother was an addict and a prostitute. Not a role model anyway. I don't know who my biological father is and honestly I don't give a fuck. If my mother couldn't care less, than who would?" I heard a lot of pain in that statement. I knew he was fighting with himself whether he should tell me or not.

"I'm sorry." I put my hand on his chest and he covered it with his.

"Don't be. She died years ago. I don't want to talk about her, but I owed you this. She was a terrible mother."

"I'm afraid I'm going to be a terrible mother." I confessed. He turned to look me straight in the eye.

"It's impossible to be worse than her. Do you want to have children?" The conversation became very tense. I knew from experience that there was no such thing as 'good time' to talk about difficult topics.

"I don't know yet, but I think I do. Not now, or for another 2 years, but before turning thirty I'd like give birth to my first one, if I make that decision." I muttered. "What about you?"

"I don't know yet. I'm really afraid of parenthood. Grace and Carrick are great. I can't imagine being as good as they are." I was glad the main light was off.

"You know you don't have to? We're not in a hurry, we can wait a few years. Bedsides, I won't exactly believe you'd make a bad dad. Grace told me you were very protective of Mia and Grace could always count on your help when she needed you." I wanted to lighten up mood and apparently it worked. I heard he laughed.

"Mia is special. She's always been and so tiny and so defenceless." It was cute to hear him say something like this. He had it in him more than he wanted to admit it.

"We don't have to be in a hurry. You have more experience with children than me. I'm the youngest in my family." I haven't seen many children around. I wasn't sure I was capable of taking care of a baby.

"Being a big brother is cool at times, but it's mostly annoying." His tone was positive and full of warmth. I knew he was close with Elliot despite the fact they couldn't be more different from each other.

"Being little sister is also frustrating." Or maybe we're just too different to be close. I've never managed to go inside her head, but I loved her very much. I knew she cared as well. She always had my back. I didn't have to ask twice.

"It can't be that bad. Mia isn't complaining." Hs fingers went through my hair and I smiled at the feeling.

"Maybe you're right. I haven't spent much time with children in my life."

The next day Christian and I went to his parents. We had lunch together and enjoyed our company. There were only us.

"Christian told me you're not making Elena's life easier." At the beginning it was hard to talk about it with Grace. I knew she blamed herself although it wasn't her fault. She couldn't predict that. Nobody could.

"It's really hard not to go against Christian's wishes, but I couldn't let her go just like that." I nodded with understanding. I didn't want anything more than to put her behind bars where she belonged.

"I haven't seen her since. I hope I won't see her again." Grace treated me as her another child and I loved that. I missed my mother. She was an amazing woman. I wish I had had more time with her.

"I feel extremely sorry you had contact with her. I should've noticed something." I knew it was more to herself than to me.

"Mom, she's the only one responsible and I'll make her pay for that." I only wished she didn't make us pay first.

* * *

CPOV

I was going through my calendar and thought about my birthday. We've never celebrated our birthdays together. In my case we had about four months. I was thinking about the possible date. I thought about 12th May. It was the closest day to when we met. That would be an amazing opportunity.

"Would you prefer to get married in May or in June?" I asked her casually even I could finally have a chance to enjoy meal with her.

"It doesn't matter to me actually. May is more unstable, but at the same time beautiful." She answered me honestly. That meant I should forget about it and ask for June 16th.

"So how about June 16th?" Ana choked on her wine.

"But this year?" She asked when she could normally breathe again.

"Yeah. We could ask Mia to arrange something small for us." we would be grateful for her work as I know she would give her all.

"If the situation is solved, than okay. But do you think it is possible to organise it in such a short notice?" Money talks, besides I didn't expect Ana to have any odd demands that are hard to satisfy.

"If we prepare her specific list of what we both expect then yes."

"Okay. We can discuss it in the evening, but it's only discussion."

"Ana, we're not going to play cat and mouse with her forever. I promise." I look her hand in mine. I would bring her down.

I was alone again. I wrote down a lot of thoughts that were going through my head lately. First, I thought about the wedding, but later on I moved onto my relationship with Anastasia and my past. I couldn't act like nothing ever happened. I had to end it once and for all.

Elena wanted to find someone for me, but her choices of potential subs couldn't be worse. She clearly underestimated them, all of them.

I was tired of giving her another chances. She didn't deserve them. I wanted proof of her abuse on those people. My people would contact them and ask if they want to press charges. I had to wait. I needed to make sure she had nothing on me. I didn't want to make it a public record if that was possible.

I appreciated the fact Ana didn't fight with security. She understood that was important.

"You could ask Mia, to be like you in crisis situations." I joked. Whenever there was a threat, Mia was the hardest one to protect, mostly because of her ignorance.

"I wish I didn't have many crisis situations."

"Yeah, me too."

"Hold on. Just a little while longer." I asked to her ear.

"I'll try." She whispered back and left to the library.  
When I came to check up on her she was sleeping, as always. She looked so peaceful. I she was frowning in her dream. She clearly didn't like her dream, but it wasn't anything extreme, or at least I hoped so. She could always count on me. I knew it was hard.

I got a notification on my phone and it was the final update of my week. I noticed an office meeting that should worry me, but instead of that made me feel happy because Elena was moving forward. I didn't exclude her from contacting me. After what I've learnt from Leila, she managed to set an interview. Nobody knew why our partnership ended and I wasn't going to act like it was something important. Buying or selling a company is nothing special. Her salons have lost the rest of my interest so I let go off them.

I checked the time and it was set as the last meeting on Wednesday. She was going to send to me a distraction, so she could have access to Anastasia. She had no idea. It was exactly what I was waiting for. I had little time to complete all proof. I needed to work harder or else I'd lose and knowing Elena, she's up to no good. I immediately doubled Ana's protection. I wasn't letting her go off my side. She wasn't going to get close to my girl. No way. I instructed Sawyer to take her home straight from work.

* * *

APOV

Christian's been super careful for the past week. He was stricter than usual and I understood his fear. I was sitting in my office nervously.. I was waiting for an potential client to show up for a meeting, but she was late. I sent a message in which she confirmed her arrival. She only asked me to wait fifteen more minutes. I didn't like being late, but on the other hand, no one could predict a car crash downtown. Besides, it wasn't like I could skip it in my current situation. I had to get the job done. It was my last meeting and I could wait a bit, but not for too long. I texted Christian to let him know I needed to stay longer at work. I Finally, when I was picking the phone to call her, my door opened and a tall woman went through it. She closed it and turned to look at me. How could that be…?

"I've really wanted to see you again, Anastasia. Thank you very much for your time." She sat and took out a gun.

* * *

 _Liked it? Let me know if you enjoyed it :) Thanks a lot for having you guys and for reading :)_  
 _Cheers :) ~m_


	14. Chapter 14

Hello, time for another update. It's the first part of it. The next update will be on Sunday. Thanks for giving your time. It was problematic because I wrote it first in a different language and I realised halfway through… Not a cool experience :)

Enjoy the chapter and have a nice day.  
~m

* * *

Chapter 14

CPOV

I was in my office although I cancelled my last meeting. I knew Elena was up to something, but I didn't want to see her. I was nervous and vulnerable. I was worried about Anastasia. I had regular reports of how she was doing and I knew she's had a hard day just like me. It was the middle of the week and I knew I had two more long days to go. I had to talk to Anastasia and make sure we're okay. I took my phone to check if there were any messages.

"I need to stay longer at work, don't wait for me." A.

I looked at the text and and noticed it was sent almost an hour ago. How did I miss that? It was unusual for me. I didn't feel vibrations. I immediately dialled her number but she didn't answer. She was probably at a meeting. I checked if the sound was on.

I was going through the recent files I received. There were notes, photos and I felt appalled when I was looking at that. I managed to learn the identity of some of Elena's victims. It hurt me to see how many others she used. What worried me was the fact that she was currently involved with someone at the age of sixteen. I didn't know how she they got to that, but I was impressed. She had another young toy. I had to make it stop. It started because of me and I'm supposed to end that cycle of abuse. I should've told someone about her. It hurts me so much to see how much influence she had on me. From what I've learnt she's been trying to get it back by matching me with some of my exes. There was no way I would go back to her. I wanted her gone once and for all.

"Sir, we have a problem. I've lost contact with Sawyer. He's not reported back and I can't reach neither him nor Miss Steele." I immediately stood up. "I called to Ms. Steele's office. I asked a bit and apparently she left with Ms. Conely." Fuck. That was bad. She hasn't used that name in what twenty-five years?

"When was it?" I can't believe it came to that.

"Around twenty minutes ago. I don't know where Sawyer is. Ms. Steele's phone is in her office." I went my hand though my hair. I knew something wasn't right.

"How did she get to her?" I didn't have to answer. I made sure he was as close as possible. If it wasn't for Sawyer, their level of security was nearly non-existent.

"Get into their cameras. I need to know what happened exactly." I took my phone and headed down to my car. Taylor knew where we were heading. The ride was short but it felt like forever.

"I really hope she's okay. Where would they go?"

"We'll find her, sir." Taylor reassured me, but part of me didn't believe him.

"We have to. And we have to do it fast." I don't know what she meant by getting rid of her, as Leila put it. She could even kill her.

At the office, no one could really help us. Their receptionist told us that Ana went out with Elena. I asked about Sawyer.

"There was an argument inside. Their conversation was hrayesf, but they left pretty quickly and didn't look like something happened. I haven't seen Mr. Sawyer for an hour or something like that. Normally he's around." Taylor took the key to Ana's office and we went there together.

I immediately noticed Sawyer unconscious on the floor of Ana's office. I came to him and checked his pulse. He was breathing, but I wasn't sure if I could move him. It looked like he's been pushed to the wall. Other than that I didn't see any marks.

"I've called an ambulance. They'll be here shortly. We need to call the police as well. She kidnapped Ms. Steels and we don't know where they are now." I nodded. Sawyer needed medical assistance and I needed to find Ana. The cameras were useless and we didn't get much from it. When I get Ana back there's no way I'm going to let her work in a place like that. I needed all the help I could get. It was high time to face my past.

The days were short and despite it was early hour, there was dark outside. The winter was still here and that made it even harder for us.

I'll get you home, Ana. I won't let that monster hurt you.

* * *

APOV

I didn't know where I was, but I knew with whom I was. Elena. She came to my office and threatened me with a gun. I was paralysed. She seemed like she knew exactly what she was for. I tried to text Christian, but she took my phone from me. Everything was a blur. We left the building together. I tried to run, but she got me. She wasn't alone. It was all planned. I was held down and she knocked me unconscious.

I wasn't sure what this place was. I couldn't see anything and everything around me was awfully quiet. I had gag in my mouth and I couldn't speak. I wasn't able to say a word. I knew though that I wasn't alone. I could feel her eyes on me. I was so scared. I didn't want to show I was conscious, but she knew it anyway, as she took the bag off my head.

"As I said. It's really a pleasure to see you. Especially like this." She said sweetly. I wanted to answer back, but I couldn't. I felt so helpless. I hoped Christian would find me. I hoped Sawyer was okay. I was staring at the floor, because I didn't want to look at her. I was trying not to panic, but her cold and confident attitude made me shiver.

"You have no reason to be afraid, pet. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Except for what you deserve, of course." My body tensed. I knew I wasn't able to release myself. I tried, but it was pointless.

"Anastasia. Don't move, or you'll get hurt." She asked sweetly. My breathing was fast and nervous. I wanted to be out of there. I tried to look around but there was nothing interesting. There were no windows, or anything characteristic. She came to me and I felt how close she was. I wanted to move away from her but I couldn't.

I felt how excited she was. I didn't share the feeling. With every passing second, I felt more and more nervous. She was looking at me carefully like she wanted to examine me.

"I partly understand why he chose you. You fit his type. You're delicate, and pale, and brunette. I think you're really pretty." She whispered to my ear. Her voice was very slow as she was choosing her words carefully.

"But you know well enough that you're nothing, don't you? He would eventually get tired of you and change for someone else, someone more compliant, more dependant. You stood no chance. I offered him to train you a bit and he didn't let me and look where it got us." She laughed and then slapped me. I felt so lost and so humiliated. No one has ever treated me like this. I gasped when she slapped me again. My fists clenched but I couldn't use them. Cold metal was digging into my wrists whenever I tried to move my hands.

"Calm down and be nice. Anastasia, you do know you're getting only what's necessary, right?" The worst at all was that every sound I made was muffled by the gag. I was mad at her. She had no right to touch me, but I had nothing to say about that in my current position. I knew that Christian would never really hurt me. He's always shown to me that he cared somehow and I trusted him.

In this case I knew she wanted revenge. For the first time I looked her straight in the eye and then she spat at me.

"Don't. We're going to have wonderful time together." I could only hope that she'd get bored soon.

* * *

CPOV

Another hour passed and we had no further information about Anastasia or Elena. Sawyer was taken to the hospital. It looks like a serious concussion. I was getting impatient. We were in Escala with the police. I told them everything I knew. I told them about my suspicions and that there's no time to lose.

"We'll go through her house and salons. Are there any other places she would use?" I shook my head. I knew she wouldn't use the club, because there were plenty of other people and even in private rooms there were people making sure everything's okay. I didn't know where Elena liked to spend her time, or where she might take her. I was running out of the ideas.

"Not that I know of. Please, I'm really worried she might hurt her."

"We'll do everything in our power Mr. Grey." The officers left my apartment and I needed to face one more person. I really hoped it would never come to that.

I was alone for a minute or so. It was calm before the storm.

"I thought you were doing everything to keep her safe. How could you let that happen?" I heard furious voice of Alexandra Steele. I was screwed and I knew it was my fault. I was sure Elena wanted to get to me, but she decided to take a direct approach. She knew how to hurt me. I hated that bitch with my core.

I didn't have to look at her to see how worried and angry she was. I've never seen her like this and I've known her for a while now.

"We're looking for her right now. Calm down" Her eyes shot at me and I understood how difficult that was for her.

"She fooled us all. I wouldn't expect she would come to her office just like that." I said as calmly as I could. "She took her and I don't know where she is." She closed her eyes to compose herself.

"She's not at home. I've just been there." She shouldn't go there one her own.

"What were you thinking? What if she saw you? She's sent Ana's CPO to hospital. I don't know if she's going to hurt her as well and you decided to take the risk as well?" I didn't want to make it sound like this, but it made me aware of how great danger Ana was in. Elena was furious. She wanted revenge and she chose it now.

"I need to do something and that was the first thing that came to my mind." She looked around and made sure the only person present was Gail.

"Explain me, Grey. What does she want from Ana?" I really hoped we would never have that conversation especially in those circumstances.

"She wants to hurt me, because Ana is more. In her opinion someone like me should never be with someone like her."

"Like what?"

"Normal. Elena abused me for years and did everything in her power to keep control over me. Getting subs was one of her way of maintaining that and Ana, well… Ana was different to me." I explained briefly.

"That wasn't that hard to notice." She said and hid her face In her hands. I knew she was lost and she didn't know what to do. I wanted to assure her that we would get Ana back, but I didn't know how to be convincing. "When I saw you two together at the photo of Ana's graduation. I was surprised, a bit. Ana told me it was nothing and I believed her. When I saw you two together in my apartment I saw red. I couldn't believe what I saw. The way you were with her. You looked so happy together."

"I'm very happy with her." I have her tissues just in case. "That's why we're going to get her back."

"She wasn't your sub. She would rather kick your add rather than let you hurt her. That's why Elena hates her, because she lost control?" I wanted to nod, but that would be another lie.

"Well, about that Alex… " She closed her eyes and breathed slowly to stay in control. "It doesn't matter now. We need to get her back."

"Stop excusing yourself. It's your fault we're in this mess. I spent past months on pulling proofs against Elena. I let you know about her intentions and that's what I got in return? I risked and you asked me to keep quiet from my sister and now you can't even be honest with me? Fuck you." She wanted to leave, but I stopped her before she could make a move.

"Wait. You're right." I took her hand and I explained her everything about me and Ana and my past. It was odd to observe. I knew she was hurt especially when she learnt the whole truth, but she didn't let it show.

"I shouldn't have lost control like that. When it's all over, we need to come clean with Ana. She deserves to know the truth. But now we have other priorities. How about I see her. " I frowned because I thought it was an insane idea.

"Not an option. We tried tracking her cell, but it was pointless." Alex only shook her head.

"She was using a burner phone to contact me. Leave that to me. She doesn't see me as the enemy." She got to work and contacted Elena.

"Be quiet, no matter what." She ordered me. They were talking for a while and at the same time she was tracking her. Surprisingly she was just outside of city. I checked it on the map and it turned out it was just an ordinary house. We informed everyone about our discovery and we went to the car. 'Hold on, Ana. Just a little while longer.' If she touched her…

"I'm going to Esclava now. Feel free to follow me there." I wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Liked it? Let me know. It was pretty easy, but fun nonetheless.  
See you soon :)


	15. Chapter 15

_Hello, I had fun writing that. I'm glad to post it and have fun._  
 _~m_

* * *

Chapter 15

AlPOV

I was both, afraid and angry. When I found out that she abducted my sister I wanted to throw up. I thought Grey was doing everything to keep her safe. Clearly I was wrong. I was about to meet her at her salon. My call wasn't anything surprising. We've been in touch for a while now. She knew I was on the edge of leaving her behind and that would be slightly problematic. I was worried about Ana. I could only hope she didn't touch her, but if she did…

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Grey asked me when I got up. It didn't matter what I wanted. The only thing I was thinking about was bringing her home, safe and sound.

"I am. Don't even think about trying to stop me. You know where she was. Maybe that place is the key. I really hope Sawyer will be alright." I didn't have time to go home and change.

I knew I was being followed and they were trying to be discreet. Besides, they knew where I was heading. I parked my car at the parking lot. I remembered about my phone. I turned on the recording and GPS. I let Taylor pair up with my phone to give him ears inside.

The lights were on and there were still people inside. I saw the receptionist and she smiled kindly at me.

"I have a meeting with Mrs. Lincoln." She looked at me surprised, or I thought she looked at me. In fact, Elena stood behind me.

"Let's go to my office." She ordered. She looked terrible. I could see she was exhausted and clearly annoyed.

"I'm glad you're here. I was going to contact you tomorrow, but that's even better. I want to set you up with Grey, as I promised." That rang a bell in my head. If she contacted me to tell me that it was safe to be involved with Christian that meant that she must've done something to Anastasia.

"But is it safe? Grey is monogamous and from what I've heard, he's serious about that woman." It sounded odd to distance myself like that from my sister. Ana was going to hate me, but having her back was worth it.

"She's out of the picture. He's going to need someone like you."

"I see, although not entirely why. What did you do?" I asked with a bit of curiosity. At the same time, I didn't want to sound too interested.

"Nothing really. I just convinced her to back down." She smiled and I felt how much she was enjoying this game. She didn't know she was walking on thin ice. We would bring her down for everything she's done.

"That's good to hear." I said calmly.

"You're going to meet him here tomorrow, so be ready." I smiled at her, but it was mostly because the entire conversation was heard by Taylor and the rest.

I left the building and went into my car. I wanted to go out of there, but I knew I needed to give an update to Christian. It's our fault we were in this mess.

I found Grey in his study and he was busy on the phone with someone. I sat down in the chair not really wanting for the invitation. I've never been so worried about anyone, my entire life. Even when my Mom died, I felt different, but that was probably because it was fast and it was done. She wasn't fighting for her life. She died instantly.

"I heard your conversation with that bitch. I don't mean it bad, but that reminded me of the person I knew." He stated gently.

"We all put masks from time to time. What's Elena's status?"

"She's still in her office. The house is under surveillance, but there's no activity as well. That means we're waiting. We can't afford any mistakes." I knew I shouldn't have gone to her house. It was stupid of me.

"We won't." I was going to make sure of that. It was Elena's last mistake. The evidence we collected was still incomplete. Besides, we weren't going to use it without the consent of her victims. Welch was working on it. Even if the evidence isn't enough, she's still going to be incarcerated for kidnapping.

"You remember when I said we have to tell Ana?" He instantly nodded. "I don't understand, why you chose not to tell her in the first place. You could call me, tell me about it and I don't know reach some compromise."

"Do you know when I understood the connection between you two? When once Ana showed me a photo with you. I panicked, because I thought I'd know about instances like this. It was in both of your files, but in case of Ana, I didn't read it thoroughly although Welch asked me to, because there was something very interesting. I was being a jerk."

"That hasn't changed at all." I muttered, but he heard it anyway.

"You're right." He was glancing every minute or so at the monitor, but there was nothing there. Police had nothing, our team wasn't sure of anything and Elena was working just like any day. "It's my fault, not yours, Alex. I let you find out too late. I shouldn't have done it." I was still calm. What's done is done. It didn't matter at that point.

"Yeah. So, you and Ana. Is it serious for you?" I knew it wasn't the best time to ask him about his plans for the future, but I needed us to stop worrying at least for a second.

"Seriously? Yes, it is and I'm not interested in anyone else!" He said loudly, but I didn't even flinch. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"Just stop. I wasn't asking it like that. You're taken. Ana is a great girl." I gave him a smile and went to the kitchen for a coffee. Gail was nervous as well. She got on with Ana pretty well.

"Do you know anything more about her?" Gail asked me with shaken voice.

"I'm sorry. They're still looking for her." She embraced me in a hug and I felt a bit of warmth from her. I knew she cares and it was hard for her as well.

"I'll take one more for Christian." We had to be awake.

"Alex! Alex!" I heard Christian's voice from his office. "She's left the salon. We need to get going, now!" I drank a bit of my coffee and quickly put on my coat.

* * *

APOV

I didn't know how much time passed. It was too quiet. Elena had a great time. I wish I could say the same. Everything hurt. I couldn't move. I couldn't see anything. I didn't want to look at myself.

Elena was busy torturing me for what it felt like hours when everything suddenly stopped. My back hurt as hell. The bites of cane were so hard. I hated it. I was begging her to stop but it never happened. I felt how much she enjoyed what she was doing and how much I hated her. If only I could move I would do something to at least try to stop her. I shouldn't kid myself. I had no chance of leaving this place. Nobody knew where I was. I felt like my world went down. She answered the phone and told me I was lucky.

"I'll be back soon, Anastasia. I'm seeing someone who'd be a good replacement for you. She's so happy to get him back after I don't know, like two years." I heard her laugh and she slapped me hard again.

"What the fuck are you playing at? What do you want?" She pulled me by my hair.

"I want you gone, Anastasia. I want my Christian back. You made him weak and pathetic. And I just don't like you. You don't know your place, but I enjoy training you properly."

"Christian is no longer in your clutches. He saw right through you." I shouldn't have said that. I saw she was about to hit me. I wanted to turn away, but her hand stopped.

"Look, Anastasia. It's so bad that I have an important meeting. Don't try to do anything stupid."

She released my hands and left me alone. I took off the blindfold. I was screwed. I was afraid to look at myself. Every movement hurt and I didn't know how much time we spent together. I was thirsty and exhausted. I was too weak to attack her.

I didn't know how long I've been alone. I wanted to count, but I couldn't remain focus. I wanted to move, but it was causing additional pain. I was a mess. I saw marks on my hands. I knew they were going to look worse in different light. There was no chance to run. The room had no windows and the door was blocked.

When she came back I was more afraid than before. Mostly because I knew what to expect.  
I was waiting for a first blow, but it didn't come. We both heard the noise and we were both surprised. She was holding my neck and I was afraid what she was going to do. If I moved, she could break my neck. I was afraid she was going to kill me. She had a gun.

Elena was clearly afraid of something. There were people running and I understood it was some sort of basement. The door suddenly opened and people came into the room. There were the police and I also noticed Taylor and few other members of Christian's security. Christian was there as well and I saw how his expression changed when he looked at me.

"Mrs. Lincoln you're under arrest for abduction and physical injury of Anastasia Steele. You're also under arrest for possession of child pornography. Leave her alone and put your hands in the air." I saw how Christian was afraid.

"Stay back or I'll kill that bitch." She was pointing at me and I didn't know what to do.

"Let her go, Elena. It's over." I saw Alex in that crowd. She was careful but there was something in her that made me shiver. That wasn't my sister.

"What are you doing here? You were supposed to wait till tomorrow!" I looked at Alex and saw a glimpse of pain in her eyes.

"I'm not going to play by your rules. Leave her alone. It's all been planned. You're not leaving this place as a free person." I saw Elena was losing her ground. It was clear she didn't expect to see Alex here. She's known her. How was that possible?

"And she's not leaving this place alive." I closed my eyes. My heart was beating so fast like it knew it was nearly the end.

"Elena. Stop it. Please, leave Ana alone." It was odd to hear him begging. I've never heard it before like that.

"I wanted what's best for you. I found one of your best subs to get you back. After all these years of helping you, you're repaying me like that?" My eyes shot at Alex and Christian and everything became so clear. How could I be so blind? It was so fucking obvious. There were so many small signals and I didn't match it. Although I was in terrible pain, the betrayal hurt even more. I stopped fighting. There was no point. Everything I believed was a lie.

"I'm sorry, Ana." Alex said and came closer to us. Elena immediately fired a gun and she wasn't the only one in the room. She fired a gun.

At Alex.

Alex fell on the ground.. One moment I was sure I was going to die, the next I was in Christians arms. I didn't want him to hold me, but I couldn't react.

Alex was bleeding, but she was still alive. Elena didn't have that luck. Her body fell on the floor. She had no chance.

I was too shocked to say a word. It was over, of everything I knew. Christian was talking to me, but I didn't hear a word of what he was saying. I wanted to be dead as well.

* * *

 _Okay, that would be it for today._  
 _No, this isn't the end of story._  
 _I had fun writing it, hope you had fun reading it. Let me know if you enjoyed it and see you soon._  
 _~m_


	16. Chapter 16

Hello, have fun with another chapter.

* * *

Chapter 16

CPOV

Ana and Alex were taken to hospital. She was shot in the shoulder. She needed immediate attention. She risked her life to distract Elena from Anastasia. I saw how she made that decision. It felt so bad that it ended that way. It was so close. I couldn't believe that I could almost lose Ana. Yet, I wasn't sure if I hadn't lost her anyway. Fucking Elena. She had to tell her. I was mad, but her words can't be undone. I'll never forget Ana's eyes when the realisation came. I felt ashamed I didn't tell her. Alex was right. I shouldn't have waited for so long.

Ana needed medical assistance as well. Elena wasn't kind to her. I saw numerous marks on her body. She was bruised pretty much everywhere. I saw dark welts and in few places her skin broke. Luckily, I knew it would heal. Elena detested her. It hurt me to see Ana so broken and so devastated. The marks on her body would fade with time, but I wasn't sure if Elena didn't take her away from me for good. I was nervous. Three people were in hospital Ana, Alex, and Sawyer. Fortunately, I was sure Luke would recover. With the girls, it wasn't that clear.

I called Elliot and Mum to join me at the hospital. I didn't want to be alone. I needed my family. I told them what happened. Taylor was there with me, he was talking to the rest of my security. I was thinking about contacting Ray, but I didn't want to do that without Ana's consent. I knew she didn't like to worry him too often.

Finally, I was allowed to go and see Ana. She was taken care of, but she was needed to stay for the night.

"She's in shock and she's exhausted. She needs rest." I was allowed to come only for a few minutes. She was laying on the bed and she seemed like she didn't give a damn about her surroundings. She was totally confused.

"May I stay for a while with you?" She turned to look at me and blinked a few times.

"Sure." I sat next to her and wondered what to say.

"I'm so sorry, Ana." I decided to let it all out. I didn't want to worry her, but I couldn't hide any longer.

"For what exactly?"

"The list is endless. Firstly, for everything you suffered from Elena. I should've been more careful. I should've protected you better. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Alex."

"You couldn't predict that. She fooled us. Is Alex…?" I knew that despite the fact she was angry with us, she was worried about her sister.

"She's still alive. Elena wasn't the best shooter." I hoped she would make it.

"Good to know. Thanks for getting me back. I'm mad at both of you, but still… I'm happy to be alive."

* * *

APOV

I couldn't think, I couldn't sleep. I was still in shock after what happened. I wasn't sure what was real any more. Everything I believed was a lie. She wanted to kill me, just like that. I've always wanted to believe in people, but that turned out to be wrong approach. I should never expect anything good. It was enough to look at Christian to prove me right.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. In the morning, I was informed that Alex was alive. She lost a lot of blood, but she was stable. That was the best possible news.

Christian was there in the morning. I was about to be discharged and I didn't contact anyone.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me when I was ready to leave.

"I don't know. I'd like to check up on Sawyer and Alex." He led me there and I felt sorry for both of them.

"They'll get better. They just need time."

"Yeah, we really need to talk." He knew I was absolutely serious, but he didn't fight me which was odd.

"We will. I promise." Taylor smiled at me, but for the first time I couldn't smile back. I was happy to see him. I really was. There was a moment when I wasn't sure if I would see anyone ever again. Christian held my hand, that was the most I could allow him. It was an odd feeling. I loved him so much, yet at the same time I wanted to have nothing to do with him.

When we were at home I was welcomed by Mrs. Jones. She made me tea, but I went straight to bed.

"Do you want to talk now, or do you need some time alone?" Christian asked while I was heading to 'our' bedroom.

"Let's do it." I was doing a mental list of all the things I was to take with me. I was glad I didn't have too much time to unpack my stuff.

I changed into pyjamas and lay in bed. Christian wasn't coming and I wasn't sure why. What's done is done. He came with a pile of files with him. He put them away and simply came to me.

"Ana, you don't need to put on a mask. I know you're angry." I think I was more devastated than angry. My mind was chaotic. I could barely believe that the things that happened were real.

"I guess I am. Elena is really dead." I said to myself.

"She'll never hurt you again." I nodded. She didn't matter anymore. He took my hand and noticed that there was no ring.

"Does that mean…?" His voice broke. He couldn't say it out loud. I was thinking what I should do. I should leave him and never look back neither at him, nor at Alex. I felt so stupid that I haven't noticed anything. Why the fuck he didn't tell me? At the same time, I knew I had to look at it rationally. I couldn't let my emotions control me. I couldn't leave just like that. I needed to be sure if I that was the only way.

"Elena took it." I explained. "But I'm thinking about moving back with Kate, to be honest." I said it out loud. I didn't have much time to think about our relationship.

"What other secrets do you keep from me?" I started to sob. Christian hugged me and I felt so helpless again.

"Just one more. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Alex. Actually, I found out you two were related when I you wanted me to meet her." What? That was impossible.

"You had a file on me. How could you not notice? You must've known we were related."

"I was too distracted by other things. Taylor told me in the beginning that something was wrong, but I didn't understand at that time. It was actually a surprise for both of us, I'd say." I didn't want to believe that.

"Don't lie to me. Please not now. I'm tired of being lied to."

"I'm not lying, but you're right. We should've told you right away. Alex wanted to, but I told her not to. It was my decision, not hers." It sounded so bad. Alex knew that bitch. She wanted to get him back. How could I forget about that?

"Let's just say that I believe you. Were you ever going to tell me?" I expected him to shake his head. He didn't do that.

"I wanted to do that. I did. I couldn't find right way to do it." He reached for a file. It was my sister's. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I can assure you that she's my past. I never loved her. It was just a contract. I have no feelings for her. I've never had and never will. I love you." I saw he meant it. I knew I needed time to process that.

"You hurt me. I had the right to know. Did you miss her? Was she better than me?" I didn't know what pushed me to ask those questions. She wanted to be back with him.

"You're right. You had the right to know. I fucked up, but please let me explain it. No and no. She was in the past. She was one of those who didn't want more. She left me, not the other way round. It was like two years ago." I was going through the file and saw photo of Alex from two years back. She was really beautiful. I could see why she appealed to him. They were very much alike.

"I believe you, but that doesn't mean you're forgiven." I needed to think it over.

"Don't leave me, Ana. I promise I'll never hurt you again. When you get better, I'll come clean with everything. I don't want to lose you, please." I didn't want to lose him as well. Despite what happened, I still loved him.

"She wanted you back. How can I ignore that?"

"It was part of Elena's plan. Alex only did what I asked her to. She saved your life." What?

"I need to think. Don't mess with my head right now. Could you let me know if there's any update on Alex and Sawyer?" He nodded and let me alone with my thoughts.

I took another look at Alex in those photos. She changed. She wasn't the same person anymore. Someone hurt her, and apparently that wasn't Christian. I hoped she would be fine. I didn't want to lose her.

* * *

Christian and I weren't talking much. I was happy to find out that Alex was getting better. I went to hospital to see her. Christian was by my side.

Alex was awake and she managed a weak smile when she saw me, but it quickly changed into sadness.

"How are you?" I asked quietly. It was odd to see her like this. She was always so strong and had something that made her look tough. The woman I saw now was small and ashamed.

"I'm okay. I was lucky. The artery was damaged, but the doctors did their best. I'm so happy we got you back." She didn't move, but I knew she was glad I came. "Christian, leave us. I need to get a few things straight with my sister." I knew that tone all too well. When we were alone, I wasn't sure what to say or do. We spent a few minutes in silence. I didn't know what to say to her. Nothing seemed right. At first, I was so angry with her, but now? I wasn't sure. I was lost, because I couldn't understand her.

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't although I had plenty of opportunities to do it. I know I hurt your feelings. I'm not going to justify myself. Ana, he loves you. You're his entire world. I know it's hard for you. I'm sorry we didn't protect you from Elena. I've never wanted you to go through something like this." I didn't know how to respond to that. It was hard to hear her apologies.

"I can't change what happened and neither of us can. Let's get one thing straight. It was just contract, between the two of you? Nothing more?"

"Yes. It was over years ago. He wouldn't cheat on you. He didn't cheat on you. You can't punish us for the past. He means nothing to me. I only agreed to go back to the game to ruin her." Christian mentioned she was helpful.

"How? What were you doing?"

"Leila called me the other day. She told me that Elena is up to something, and she said he would probably look for me, when he would understand that I started the journal. She didn't tell him it was me." I gasped at what I heard.

"He doesn't know. I didn't tell him, but he suspects it. Anyway, Lulu told me a bit about you and I couldn't be more proud." I wanted to hug her somehow, but I didn't want to hurt her. I could only place a kiss on her cheek.

"Everything we did was for you. I know I'm the worst sister ever." It was really hard to disagree with that statement. I stood up to leave. She needed rest.

"Don't hate me, please." I turned to look at her. She didn't understand me.

"I'm very angry with you, but I could never hate you. Just give me time. I need to sort it all out." I left her room and started to cry. I couldn't control it. I understood what she meant. Christian was next to me immediately.

"What's the matter?"

"We've talked about everything. It was the closest moment I've shared with her for years." It was weird when it hit me. She was never like this to me. She finally started to open up.

"She wants what's best for you."

"I know, but keeping me in the dark is never a good option. You'll never do that again."

"I won't. I promise."

* * *

 _Let me know if you enjoyed it. For me it was hard, but at the same time I knew that Ana wouldn't act very emotionally. It would hurt as hell, but she wouldn't let it cloud her judgement._

 _Okay. This chapter was hard to write. Ana still doesn't get the severity of what happened. She's pushing it to the back of their mind, but she isn't the person who listens only to emotions. Technically, they didn't cheat on her. This is just an episode from their past, but the truth was, that it hurt._  
 _Cheers M.  
_


	17. Chapter 17

Hello,  
Time for another chapter. Thank your time you spent with the story, for all your thoughts and support. Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 17

APOV

"I hope you don't mind having me around again." I told Kate in the evening. We had pasta and a glass of wine. I knew I shouldn't be drinking, but if was stronger than me. I packed most of my stuff into boxes, but I didn't take them with me. I wasn't sure exactly what was going to happen in the future. I needed a break from all of it. I wanted to get better and to be capable of moving on from what happened. Besides, I had to digest everything I had learnt the other day.

"Not at all. You know you can stay as long as you need." She raised her glass and I followed her.

"I don't want you to push Elliot aside because of me. Look, I see that you're spending less time with him. There's no need to worry about me. I'm fine." I saw Kate looking at me with disapproval.

"You've been through hell. Don't, Ana. We both know that's not true." She was right, I wasn't. However, I wasn't absolutely capable of handling my emotions.

"Okay. Sorry. I know it's hard for you as well." My phone started ringing. I picked it up and noticed it was from Christian. "Hello?"

"Can you talk?" Kate heard it and shrugged. I knew she wanted well for me, but I didn't want to totally cut Christian out of my life.

"Not for long, I'm spending the evening with Kate." I said too quickly. I shouldn't be speaking that fast. He knew what was happening here and I could hear he was displeased. That wasn't his problem.

"I see, just be careful with alcohol, please. I wanted to tell you that both Luke and Alex were released from hospital. Alex probably called you, but I wanted to tell you as well." Alex only sent a text. She wasn't a person who liked to talk on the phone. She was always more direct in writing than in speaking.

"I will. I'm glad to hear the news about Luke. I wish him good recovery. We can talk tomorrow if you don't mind. Bye." I didn't want to wait for his answer. I was glad that Sawyer would be fine. I felt so bad for him. He was doing his best to protect me.

"Pour me some more." Kate didn't like the look on my face but didn't comment on that.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet. I know that I need to think everything over. It might take me a while. Plus, I'll probably go back to Christian. I've been here for two weeks or so. It's too long." I couldn't forget Christian's face when I told him I was leaving, but surprisingly he wasn't trying to stop me. He understood me, or at least he was trying to get into my shoes. I didn't want to think too much about him and Alex. It felt too weird. I could never think of anyone who'd be a good match for her but seeing her with Christian changed my mind. They were absolutely perfect for each other. I wish I had known earlier.

"You know you don't have to leave. I don't want you to push yourself too hard." It was adorable that Kate was looking out for me. At that moment she felt closer to me than my real family.

"I can't hide from my fiancé and my sister forever."

"But both of them respect your personal space." Yeah, that made me wonder. Christian was really letting go. He knew there was no point in fighting.

"They do."

I shouldn't be able to drink too much wine. The hangover wasn't letting go off me for the majority of the day. Kate was more used to drinking than me. I've always been careful, especially since I got involved with Christian. He was always very strict about that. My first plan was to go back to Escala but eventually it took me longer than I assumed.

I was wandering around the city. It was cold outside although it was almost March. So many things happened. I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with with everything that happened. I wanted to believe I was safe, but it was extremely hard. I finally reached Escala. I didn't call Christian. I wasn't sure how long it would take me, so I didn't want to alarm him. For a moment I felt like nobody was watching my every step. That meant more to me that I thought.

Christian was waiting for me in the foyer. I took of my coat and came to him. I didn't want to look him in the eye. He seemed a bit nervous and I couldn't be exactly sure why.

"I was wondering when you'd come. I missed you. Did you come to stay or to say goodbye?" He wrapped me in his arms and I immediately felt safe once more. I was deeply hurt, but I haven't met anyone who could comfort me like Christian.

"Yeah, I missed you too. I don't know. I don't want to leave you." That was true. I felt deceived, yet at the same time I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I couldn't cross him out just like that. The same applied to Alex.

"Really? I'm so glad to hear it." He said with clearly audible relief in his voice. "I'll get you tea to warm you up." He released me and went to the kitchen. I followed him and felt something odd inside. I sat on the chair and I thought for a while about our future. I was trying to figure out if we could actually have a future.

"Want to come back to Earth?" Christian asked me when he placed the tea on the table.

"Yeah. I was thinking about us. I love you, Christian." I drank the tea and left to my most important spot in the entire apartment, the library. It was the place where I felt at ease most. Christian made adjustments when I moved in and I appreciated the effort. He knew how much I loved it. I took a book from the shelf and sat in the armchair. I heard him entering the room and I felt how normal it felt. I was looking at him in the same way, as I was for the past months.

"You look great like this." He came to me, so I sat on his lap and let him touch me. I was still a bit in pain, but I was glad, that I didn't look that bad. He accepted me like this. I felt his pain whenever he was looking at me. He blamed himself. I thought about what Elena told me about him You could never satisfy him. He was bored with you. I'll show you how you can really please someone. When he touched my back, I flinched. I couldn't stop it. It was odd, because, he touched me on a few occasions since they got me back. I didn't get why I reacted like this. You're pathetic, Anastasia. He should get rid of you earlier. I didn't want to hear her voice. Why wasn't she dead? It felt so wrong.

"Christian, let go off me." I asked immediately when he tried to touch me again. I stood up and quickly went to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water. I needed to think clearly. Christian came after me.

"What is it, baby? Are you okay?" I started to cry and that felt so natural. I couldn't stop it. It was so needed. I felt like all the emotions I kept bottled up have finally found their way on the surface.

"Yeah, don't worry about me." He knew that something was wrong but chose not to push.

"Easier said than done. If you need to talk, just tell me." I nodded and went to bed together

* * *

AlPOV

Ana hasn't been talking to me for weeks. I started to lose hope. I promised I would give her time. My shoulder looked better, but I needed to be prepared that it would take a long while before I'll be good. I was glad that nothing else happened. It was the only thing I could do to distract Lincoln from Ana.

I asked Lulu to come to help me from time to time. I didn't want to talk to Christian or to Ana. They had enough of their own problems.

"It looks pretty good." Leila said when she was helping me. She was surprised to see the scars on my back. "What is that? Alex? When did it happen?" I saw genuine concern on her face. It wasn't obvious to be left with a lasting mark. She knew what that meant for me.

"I think that's a story for another time. Thank you for helping me." I needed someone who'd understand me.

"You know that's okay. I'm just worried about you. Why didn't you go to Grey for help? He wouldn't leave you." I laughed bitterly. He didn't leave me. It was the only way I could help him.

"He didn't leave me. We got in touch to solve the Lincoln problem once and for all. I had to do that. Otherwise Ana might have died. She hasn't talked to me ever since."

"What happened exactly? She got Grey's fiancée?" I nodded.

"She kidnapped her and held her hostage. If we had come later, we might have come too late. Ana isn't very well." I felt so bad about the situation.

"It's so odd to see Grey in love, but that's good that you two got her back." I was afraid that we lost her for good.

"I only hope everything will find its way. She's angry at me and Christian for our past."

"Ouch. Well, you and Grey had a good relationship. Anastasia didn't seem the jealous type." Ana and jealousy. Yeah, I'd like to see that.

"Yeah, but she's my sister. Nevermind."

"That explains a lot. The back. Was it Grey?"

"No! He would never do that, but I can tell you I made that man pay. No one should mess with me." She knew enough about me to understand what kind of person I was. I heard a doorbell, but Leila was first to open the door. I didn't expect anyone and seeing Ana was the weirdest view.

"Oh, Anastasia, hello." Ana seemed to be amused at the sight of Leila.

"I was wondering how you were coping, but it doesn't look that bad." I felt vulnerable.

"How are you?" I was genuinely concerned about her wellbeing. She was the only person that mattered for me.

"Getting better every day." I was glad I was dressed and had enough time to think a bit.

"It looks like serious talk. I'll leave you two alone."

* * *

APOV

Visiting Alex was harder than anything that day. Leila left just a minute after I came. She knew not to interrupt us.

"I've been working things out with Christian and I'd like the same with you." It was hard for me to be normal after what happened. The events of that time were going on the surface in random moments. Christian was doing his best to help me.

"You would?" She didn't expect that from me.

"Of course. We can't change it. I'll always love you, idiot."

* * *

Let me know if you enjoyed it and see you soon :)  
~M 


	18. Chapter 18

_Hello,_  
 _It's been a while. A lot of things happened, and I'm glad they did._  
 _Anyway, I'm posting another chapter, so have fun reading it. :)_  
 _Cheers, M_

* * *

Chapter 18

APOV

I was trying to move on. Another month passed and I started to finally feel the beginning of spring. I needed to feel warmth of the sun on my skin. I was fed up with grey and gloomy days. I started to look for another job, because I couldn't stand being there anymore. I needed something else. I needed to work somewhere safe. That was why I began to look for something from AVT. That would mean spending my days locked in the library for the majority of time. Christian would be happy, because I wouldn't put myself in danger. The truth was that I was still figuring out my life and I knew I was going in the right direction. My relationship with Christian changed. He showed me that he cared every day. I wanted to trust him, but I was holding back. I knew he wouldn't hurt me intentionally, but I wasn't ready to be too physical with him. It was odd when I realised that in the past he couldn't bare to be touched in certain areas. Luckily with me, it wasn't that extreme. I was allowing him to hug me. It gave me comfort and security.

"Are you sure you want company tonight?" Christian asked me when I got into a car. I squeezed his hand gently and nodded.

"It will be good for both of us. I haven't seen Grace for too long. I think she needs to see us. I know you're worried about me, but you have no reason to at the moment. It's just your family."

"You're right. She's been worried about you since… " He bit his tongue instantly. I knew what he was about to say.

"I know. I still need time to put it behind me. I don't want to shut out everyone, besides I feel sorry for Grace as well. I feel bad for her cause she blames herself and it's so unfair." I was struggling to control my voice. The situation between Christian and I was getting better.  
We were on the way to Christian's parents. . Grace was also working hard to take things back to normal. I understood how she felt probably better than anyone. She was betrayed by someone she considered nearly a family. It's been over two months since the assault. I considered the Greys my family. I wanted to be part of their family.

"I'm so happy to see you, Dear."

"Thanks, Grace." I've always felt accepted when she was around. I knew she was also worried about my well-being, that was why I wanted to show her that I was slowly getting better.

"Ana, you look good." Mia was absolutely happy to see me. It was odd, but she was like sister to me. Mia was obviously more cheerful and bubbly than Alex, yet I felt an odd connection whenever I was with her. Mia could always cheer me up somehow. She always radiated with optimism and energy.

"Yeah, me too." She didn't hug me, probably because Christian told her to be careful with me. I was more guarded in any social interactions.  
We had a quiet dinner in relaxed atmosphere and I knew that that case was relatively recent to them. Elliot came as usually late and no one seemed to mind. I felt like I recharged my batteries and I was ready for what was about to come.

At one point I stopped paying attention to the conversation at the table. I excused myself and moved to leave the table. He touched my hand to check up on me.

"I'll be right back. I just need a break." I kissed him on the cheek and smiled at the rest of the people. I went to Christians old bedroom to recharge my batteries. I lay down on the bed. My first thought was to go outside, but I didn't have my jacket with me. I only wanted to be alone for a while. It wasn't that I regretted coming to the Greys. I cared about them very much. It was just that it was hard for me to spend time with so many people at once. However, I was aware I had to return to them soon. I knew Mia would be disappointed if I ignored her and I knew I wanted to be involved in family life. Besides, I was actually getting more and more used to being among living people.

Somebody knocked twice and opened the door. I was expecting to see Christian, but I was wrong. Grace seemed to have lost her smile. I knew she was still suffering from what happened.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I immediately sat down and shook my head.

"Ana, I know the last months were hard for you. You have no idea how sorry I feel for you. It's my fault." Grace told in low voice. I could see her chin trembling. I wanted to reassure her somehow that it wasn't her fault.

"Grace, you couldn't know that at the time. Nobody blames you. Both Christian and I love you very much and nothing is going to change that." I took a deep breath and chose to be brave for at least a few short seconds. I embraced her in a hug and stayed that way until she relaxed. I knew she was overwhelmed by the entire situation.

"I love you too. I feel so appalled whenever I think about what she did to you and when I think she's abused my son for years. I probably shouldn't say it, but I'm happy she's dead."

"Yeah, me too. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable Grace, but I can't say I'm fine just yet."

"Nobody expects you to be. I'm proud of you that you're holding up somehow. Whenever you need someone to talk to, you know I'll always listen, right?" I knew she was being sincere. She wanted me to trust her.

"I know. I think we should rejoin others." Grace was like a mother to me. I missed Carla on days like these. I missed having someone so close to me, from my family.

The family moved to the living room and Christian immediately raised his head to take a look at me.

"We're all good." I came to sit next to him on the couch. I allowed him to place his arm around me in a protective way. That was what he was giving me, the protection from danger. I should always trust him to keep my safety as his priority.

* * *

A week later I was packing my very few belongings from work. It was a short trip to end another chapter from my life. Christian supported me through that decision. I looked at the building for the last time and went home. I slowly started to feel in Escala at ease. I felt there protected and cared for. Whenever I was lost about what to do I went to the library. I checked if there were any emails on my laptop. Sadly, no.

"I knew I'd find you here." Christian muttered to me when he came home late at night.

"Yeah, I should be going to bed." He led me out of the library to the bathroom, he undressed me and washed me, later put me to bed. I enjoyed the feeling when he was taking care of me. There were still marks, but I knew they would fade. Christian was very careful whenever he touched me.

"Thank you for not avoiding me anymore." Christian told me while putting me to bed.

"I need you so much, Christian." He sat in front of me and examined me carefully.

"Whenever you're feeling lost, I want you to know that I love you and nothing is going to change that."

* * *

CPOV

I almost managed to return to my usual routine. It was better especially after Ana started communicating with me more directly. I was giving her as much space as she needed although sometimes it was hard. Especially when she wasn't allowing me to touch her. I wasn't sure if we were ever going to move on entirely and forget about the situation. Wrong, I knew it was impossible.

I understood that Ana wanted change. She was looking for a new job. I told her not to worry about money, but at the same time I knew she needed to work. She was set up with two companies and I knew it was something she was mostly focused on. I didn't interfere in any way, I knew she would be mad if I did so. I could only be there for her, nothing less and nothing more.

The damage Elena inflicted was greater than anyone might have thought. I was glad, she was never going to hurt Anastasia. There was no other way. I understood that her going to prison wouldn't be enough for me. She would be free after a few years. I was glad that it was over and that I got Ana back. I thought I'd never see her again. And that was something I wouldn't survive for sure.

I was still in my study and it was late. Ana was probably worried. I opened the door and saw Anastasia behind it. She jumped in surprise.

"Whoa, you ok?"

"I'm good." She caught her breath and looked at me carefully.

"You haven't eaten dinner, so I thought something bad must have come up." I blinked twice at her. A lot of things have been happening lately. Even I couldn't remember about everything.

"It must've slipped my mind, but thank you for checking up on me." I took her hand in mine and I felt nice that she was interested in my routine.

"Mrs. Jones did a great veggie salad, so maybe you should try it?" She asked.

"Have you eaten yet?" She nodded.

"But I can sit with you if you want." At first I wanted to tell her that it is unnecessary, but then I realised that this situation was somewhat interesting. Normally, I was making sure about her.

"Thanks, Ana." We sat at the kitchen and she wasn't saying anything, but there was a small smile while I was eating. It was a welcome change. I couldn't help myself. "What's so funny?"

"Well, it's nice to make sure you eat, not the other way round." She got up and took my plate and put it in a dishwasher. I came to her from behind to hug her, but I stopped because I didn't want to scare her.

"Ana…" I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say. I just couldn't tell her how much I regretted everything that happened.

"Hmm?" She turned around and I could pull her into my arms. It was a welcome change to see her smiling and enjoying herself. I could only hope she would have more moments like this and someday she'll wake up without the nightmare of a certain individual who made our life hell.

* * *

 _Liked it? Have a nice day :)_


	19. Chapter 19

Hello,  
Time to post another chapter, have fun :)

* * *

Chapter 19

APOV

"Mia, would you like to come over for the night tomorrow?" I called Christian's sister in the evening. I was right after the dinner and I was collecting a group to spend a night with. Christian was leaving tomorrow to Singapore and he was going to be there for the entire weekend. I understood he had to go. There was no point for me to join him. There wouldn't be much use of me anyway. We were already laying cosy in bed though Christian was still reading something.

"What's the occasion?"

"I just need girls' company and you have the power to cheer people up." I said kindly. I hoped she would come. I really needed someone who could draw my attention to something relatively irrelevant and who could remind me about appreciating these extraordinary moments of peace.

"I'm totally up for it. I'll make a chocolate cake if you're desperate." I groaned. I shouldn't be eating that. I lost weight over the course of past months but eating junk shouldn't be a way of getting it back.

"I'll be fat, but at the same time it's hard to resist Mia." The phone was on speaker and Christian couldn't stop himself from joining the conversation.

"Don't listen to her and bring some. Just have fun together." He kissed me on the cheek and left the room.

"Is Kate coming?" Mia asked enthusiastically.

"Not this time. She's working on a big story and she's out of the picture till the end of the next week. At least that's what Elliot told me because she didn't answer my calls." I knew that I wanted someone more. I only hoped she would want to come here.

"Right, that explains why he's acting so weird recently. I think he really likes her." Mia admitted. I agreed with her. Kate was so happy with him and she's never been happier. It was funny in a way. Especially that I'd had enough of her random hook-ups. I noticed Christian coming back.

"You're right, Tomorrow's at 8 suits you?" Mia agreed and we ended the call. Christian was looking carefully at me. I knew that he was often looking at me as if I were to explode. I knew I'd be fine eventually and that was sad to admit, but I was aware that I had to deal with it on my own.

"What is it?" I knew he didn't like me to stay too much time alone.

"I'm glad that you called the girls. I'm sure you'll have better evening than I'll do." He threw his pillow at me and I caught it just in time.

"You don't need me there. Besides, it's just a weekend." That's why I'm fine with the fact he's leaving. I needed a distraction and Mia was the best for that. I've learnt to like her in the course of time.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Don't worry about me. I was also thinking about calling Alex, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea." It might be pretty bad of me, but I had a very hard time to talk to her. She didn't push me in any way. I wasn't sure if she even cared. I told her I wanted to have a relationship with her, but I didn't know how. On the one hand, she was my family, on the other hand she was always distancing herself from everyone.

"Okay, but you two haven't talked for a while. I know that I shouldn't be telling this to you, Ana, but believe me when I say you don't want to distance yourself from your family. It might be too late to get them back, when you decide it's the right time." I turned to look at him. I knew he was being honest about it. I knew what that bitch did to him. Still, he was right, he shouldn't be telling this to me.

"Christian, don't start this subject…"

"Why? You're talking to me, but not someone who should be closer to you." I closed my eyes, sighed and thoroughly considered my answer. I didn't want to be too harsh.

"She's never really cared about me. Why would she? She was always better than me in everything. It was always one sided. She needs nobody." It hurt me to say it, yet it felt like the truth and that hurt me the most.

"Ana, I know you're still angry and you have the right to be. I get it, to the point. But you know that you don't really mean it." It was so unnatural for him to defend anyone.

"Stop. I don't want to listen to that."

"Okay, if you say so. Goodnight." He sighed in resignation. He turned off the light and turned on his side. I touched his arm. He didn't move. I knew he was still conscious.

"I hate when you're doing that." I was talking to his back which was odd and irritating. I wanted him to understand me." Christian, it's just harder than I expected, but maybe you're right that I should include her in my life somehow." I got up for a while and left the bedroom. With Mia, I didn't care if I was on loudspeaker or not. It wasn't the same with Alex.  
I dialled her number and she answered after the third signal.

"Ana, is everything alright?" I knew it was late. Maybe I should have waited till the morning.

"I'm good, what about you?" My voice was uncertain of the situation. Part of me wanted to hang up. It was hard to face her again in person.

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you if you have time to come over tomorrow evening. Mia and I are going to drink a bit, eat chocolate cake and just forget about life." There was a moment of awkward silence.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea..." I should expect that from her.

"Okay, it's fine. I get it."

"Ana, if you want me to come than I will, but only if that's what you want." I was afraid of everything nowadays.

"I do. Thanks."

* * *

The girls came and I felt a bit out of my element. I've never learnt anything about partying. I was glad there weren't more people, because I would be absolutely lost on how I should act. It was going to be just a lovely girls evening with no reason to be ashamed of in the morning. Thanks to Mia I could let my guard down at least a bit.  
It was adorable to have someone who was always an optimist. It was useful especially in the moments when one needed somebody to provide some distraction.

Alex seemed to feel a bit awkward and I thought I somewhat understood her. It was the closest thing we've had for months, but I could never be sure what she was thinking about.

"Mia made drinks for all of us. I knew she enjoyed experimenting, besides I wanted learn about her on a regular basis. That's why I felt fine with being an observer. Alex helped me with preparing food. We were going to watch bad films and drink at some embarrassing scenes. Mia said there was no worse film than Cowboys and Aliens. Unfortunately, I had to agree with her. What the hell was that?

"Girls, it's been just half an hour. I've had enough." Mia said after she drank another shot.

"Mia, you chose the film. So, be a brave girl and survive it." Alex joked although I saw she wasn't enjoying it at all. It was so stupid, but not in a stupid, but funny way. It was just painful to watch. For drinking purposes it was fine.

"Why? Ana?" She looked a bit drunk already. I was also a bit tipsy. I was still holding though.

"If you like we could play something." It would be a funny experience. I checked the time and it was just 10 pm, for Mia's standard it was just the beginning of fun. I decided to mess with her a bit more. "But after we finish the film." Al and I high-fived and exchanged relaxed looks. However, I saw she was making sure our condition was under control. It was what I needed for the evening. As an introvert I had enough social interaction for one day.

After having drunk a bit more, we reached the end of that terrible product that somebody called a film.

"I'm proud of you. You made it! Congratulations"

"Never again. Next time somebody else chooses bad film. But I want so bad that it's funny, not so bad that I want to destroy every existing copy of it." I hugged her and assured her.

"Got it." I moved away to look at my sister. "Alex, your choosing the next one." She winked and emptied another glass.

"No problem. Girls, you look really adorable, but now you need water. I'm not going to deal with your hangover in the morning." She informed us.

"Why are you always like this?" She didn't understand me. She was always the voice of reason. She was always thinking ahead. I saw that she was also drinking, although she should be careful.

"Like what?" She said quietly. I noticed a slight change in her voice. She wasn't smiling any more. She was waiting for me to say something.

"You're acting just like Christian at times. You treat me like an idiot, you're pretending to care, and at the same time I have no idea what you really think. You shouldn't have come." I let it out and I regretted that the moment I said it. Alex was simply standing there and listening. Her face didn't show a thing.

"Al…" I should keep my mouth shut. Although it was such a small thing, I was so irritated.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say?" She said calmly. I looked away. I wanted to say something more, but I didn't know what exactly.

"Ok, I get it. You're right." She shook her head and left me and Mia for a second. She returned with a water and left without saying anything.

"What just happened?" Mia felt the tension and she didn't know how to react.

"Just some family mess. Nothing for you to worry about." I didn't want to talk about my them. I didn't want to remember about everything that happened.

"Spill."

"Not today, Mia. I'll talk to her in the morning."

We drank water and had some snacks. I was still in shock after my outburst. It took me over an hour to calm down. Mia returned to being her bubbly self and told me about her past months. I felt a bit odd that I wasn't up to her. We had fun at Grace's recently, but we weren't alone.

"So, when do I get to plan your wedding?" I didn't know how to answer her question. We didn't talk too much about it with Christian.

"When the time comes, I'm sure we'll reach out to you." I knew she would be great because she would really give her best to make that day special for us. Besides, I still had some doubts and I wouldn't set the date without being 100 percent sure it was right decision.

"I'm sure it will be amazing." I heard Alex's voice at the door.

I turned to look at her and I saw she also calmed down. She was smiling at us and I was glad she didn't leave the house. She was used to dealing with her problems alone.  
Maybe that was a problem. When I thought of that, she was always alone.

"We'll see." I shrugged. Alex hugged me, but stayed silent. I knew I crossed the line, but she didn't make any comment about the entire situation.

"It will be great. I can't wait to see it." Mia laughed, but I wasn't really paying attention.

* * *

Thanks for your time, hopefully you enjoyed it

cheers :)  
~m 


	20. Chapter 20

Hello, I'm posting next chapter,  
Enjoy :) m

* * *

Chapter 20

APOV

When Christian returned home I told him about everything that happened during the weekend and I felt bad about it. The plan was to have fun and let go, and I fucked that up. This past week we spent as much time together as we could.

"Mia texted me about wedding preparations, so it wasn't all that bad." We went for a walk to the Botanic Garden because the weather was improving every day. It was lovely to see so much green around me. It was exactly what we needed.

"Yep, she was asking about the date, but I didn't give her any specifics."

"I told you about June 16th. If you like we still have two months and if we don't want anything huge then I know Mia will manage." I stopped and hugged him, but it was because I needed time to think.

"I remember that, and I told you I'd think about it if the bitch was in prison. She's dead, so we can say there is no threat from her." I sighed because I had no idea how to put in words what I wanted to say. I had many doubts about us. I wasn't sure if that was the right time. Maybe, I needed to wait longer. Although I realised, there's no such thing as good or bad moment to get married.

"I need to think about it. Honestly, I'm scared that so many things will go wrong and… " He stopped me talking by a soft slow kiss.

"Relax. I just asked. It's no big deal." I scoffed. "It is a big deal, but you don't have to worry about it. I'll never let you get hurt again. I love you so much." I kissed him back.

"I love you too." We shared a long chilled walk enjoying our company in silence. When we were in the lift on the way home I finally spoke. "I've been thinking. Call Mia and let's do it." I said enthusiastically. I was strong enough come to terms with the fact I really loved Christian. I wasn't going to leave him, so what was the point in prolonging waiting.

"Are you sure?" I nodded. "Say it, Ana."

"I want to marry you." I lean to kiss him and I felt how pleased he was with me.  
At home he immediately called on her phone and invited her to come over.

"She'll be her at 8." We have enough time to shower and change into something more comfortable to wear in the evening. I was getting used to being observed naked again. He was very gentle with me and every time he touched me, I felt how much he loved me. He was aware of every place she used to hurt me and made me feel safe again. He was extremely careful and attentive to my reactions, because he didn't want to hurt me.

"Besides I guess I must congratulate you on finding new job. I'm really proud of you." I giggled and he took care of my hair. I felt so good to be with him. Later he gave me pyjamas and helped me with my hair. I was sleepy a bit, however I had to be conscious for one more hour. I knew I could do that. Christian was excited because I got involved with a translation company. I was going to prepare SDH Subtitles which was fine by me, although difficult because there were many technical aspects I had to be constantly aware of.  
It felt so great to have so much support.

"Thank you, Christian." We went to the main room and Christian got me tea. He took a laptop from his study and put it on the table before us to make notes on what we want and what we need. My head was on his lap and he was gently stroking my hair. I was smiling with pleasure.

"You do know that in my case it won't be much? My only family is my Dad and Alex and I don't have any other friends than the Kavanaghs. My guest list has only 6 people on it, so it won't be a big thing in my case."

"My family is quite big and I want them to celebrate with us, but I don't want to overwhelm you with them. They might be a bit hmm intimidating." I met some of them at the Christmas party and I had only positive memories on the Greys. They were very important for me and I wanted to be part of that family, also to be with those great people.

"I think they love you very much and want you to be happy. That's really amazing and I do want to see it."

"Miss Grey is on the way, Sir." Taylor let us know but we didn't move. I didn't want to break that intimate moment with my fiancé.

"Thank you, Taylor." Mia was her usual bubbly self and her excitement was contagious. I didn't raise my head. I didn't want Christian to get off me.

"Comfortable, huh?" Mia shook my hand and sat next to her brother after treating him with her usual hug. He was adjusting to my touch and I knew his wall was going down. He was doing everything to let me in.

"Ana and I have just been talking on our guests and the list won't be too long. Finding a venue shouldn't be too problematic." He informed his sister. Mia chuckled intrigued.

"But you already have a venue if only Ana agrees." She winked at me and my brain was lucky to connect the dots. "Mum won't have it any other way, man."

"Ana, would you like to get married in my parents' house?" I nodded recalling Christmas. "If the weather is nice we could have it outside. There's enough space for all of us." For the next hour we were talking to Mia about what we want, so she could make arrangements in our behalf. All I wanted was to make it real.

"I look forward to meeting the rest of the family. You've met my sister, soon you'll meet my dad." Mia looked worried.

"Is everything okay between the two of you?" She blurted out.

Christian was instantly alarmed and stopped touching me. I might have generalised too much when I told him about girls' night.

"What do you mean, Mia?" I heard Christian asking her about the situation.

"I don't know exactly, but there's something going on, and she didn't want to tell me."

"Look, my relationship with my sister is very complicated and there's some past mess I haven't processed yet. For the past week she didn't answer any of my calls." The last part was meant more to Christian than to Mia.

"It must be bad if it still affects you so much. I'm sorry."

"Alex is my ex. That's what happened." Christian admitted apologetically.

"Now, I get it. I'm sorry, Ana."

"Do we have everything settled?" It was almost 10 and I wanted to talk to Christian in private.

"Yes, I guess we have." After a few more minutes she left Escala and I was left alone with Christian.

"I was sure Mia knew. What you haven't mentioned is that she's been ignoring you. I'm sorry I talked you into this." I moved closer to him and took his hands.

"It's okay. I didn't expect anything from her. I was pretty mean to her. She could have left without saying goodbye, but later we talked a bit about the situation. I told her so many hurtful words that I'm not surprised she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm sure she'll come to the wedding though." I tried to ease up the tension a bit, but I knew Christian was in his own mind.

"I know you didn't mean it. She knows it too. I'm sure she won't hold it against you. She loves you just as much as I do." If only that was the truth…

* * *

AlPOV

 _"Hey, it's me. I'm calling to apologise for yesterday. Call me back when you have time."_

 _"It's Ana again. Is everything okay? Let me know."_

 _"Look, I know I fucked up. I really need to talk to you."_

I was genuinely surprised to get these messages especially after what Ana said to me after Mia went to bed. I told her I wished her happiness, but Ana's reaction was nothing like I expected, so I left. I was tired of something I considered the past for so long. I didn't know I was making her feel upset and insecure. I never meant that. I always thought the opposite, Ana was the adorable one, the kindest, the sweetest child you can imagine. I wasn't like her. There were many things to talk about, but I was tired of accusations and picking about something that was finished two years ago. I had no control over my past. I could only learn from it and be sure I won't make the same mistake twice.

I decided not to respond. I didn't want to say something I might regret later. I didn't want that for her. I heard my phone buzzing and it was Ana again. I wasn't ready yet. I haven't cried for a while, but the last days I was a mess. I didn't expect to be so upset after what happened between me and Ana.

I went back to cleaning. I decided to reduce the number of objects in my life. I've thrown away, much more than I thought it was possible.

It was liberating to go through old documents and destroy them one by one. I felt as if I was closing another part of my life. Everything was in the right box with the right label on it. I've waited so long to do that.

Somebody knocked and I quickly got up to check who was there. I had a bit of hope it was Ana, but I was wrong. It was Grey which was even more unexpected. He clearly noticed there was something wrong with me.

"Is everything okay, Alex? May I come in?" I let him in and closed the door. I poured him coffee and sat down on the couch.

"Did Ana send you here?"

"Pretty much. She's been worried that you hadn't answered her calls. Are you going somewhere?" I was surprised by that question, but understood his point when I saw the boxes.

"No, it's just spring cleaning. Look, if that's about me and my sister, no offence, but it's OUR business." I said as calmly as I could. Ana and I would survive another crisis, although this one might take us a bit longer to finally finish and move on.

"I know. If it matters, I'm really sorry for how she treated you. I know she didn't mean any of that bulshit, but at the same time I know it doesn't make it right. I actually came to check how you're doing." I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly.

"I'm okay. Is that everything?" He looked at me disapprovingly, but I had no idea what he was talking about. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're not okay, you're tired and your eyes are swollen. What's bothering you?" It was the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life.

"Nothing is wrong, Christian. I'm fine. My shoulder looks fine, It's slowly getting better, everything's great." I wouldn't even cheat myself on this one.

"I feel bad. I haven't talked to you since you were released." He had other things to do. Ana was in more serious condition.

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to talk to me. I'm just having a hard time with everything and I think it's time for you to go. Tell Ana not to worry. She didn't hurt my feelings." I said it although we both knew it was a lie. I was slowly losing control over myself and I didn't want him to see me in this condition. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

* * *

That would be it, thank you for your time and see you soon 


	21. Chapter 21

_Hello everyone,_  
 _Thank you for your time and having fun with this story. I'm posting another chapter, hopefully it will be nice to read._  
 _There was one review where someone apologised for his/her opinion, but gave really good points and I was really happy to read it :) no feelings were hurt._

 _Enjoy the chapter ~m_

* * *

Chapter 21

CPOV

I was observing Ana's work and I felt more at peace with her. I knew she was slowly going back on track after she went back to work and she started to look for professional help. There were still some topics she was avoiding, but overall there was a huge progress. I wish I could help her somehow, but I couldn't find any solution to our situation. I couldn't kill Elena for the second time.

"How long have you been here?" Ana took her headphones off and looked at me tired.

"Just a few minutes. You look lovely." I was rewarded by a brief smile.

"I'll finish this act and I'll call it a night." It would be helpful if she said if she'd just started an act or she was close to an end. Unfortunately, it turned out it was the former.

I played the piano for a while to distract myself a bit and it was effective as always. Ana had her headphones on, so I was sure I wouldn't interrupt her. I felt sorry for Alexandra. I understood that the entire situation was absolutely awful so I kind of understood her resent. I only wanted to make sure she was okay, which was rather obvious that she wasn't feeling well. She literally kicked me out and told me to stay away from her and I was going to respect that. Although it appeared that everything influenced her more that we both expected.

I told Ana about my plan to visit Alex and she reacted with what I considered indifference. She shrugged her shoulders and said 'whatever' which, as Elliot explained to me later, didn't mean that she approved of that. I felt like a total idiot for not noticing that small detail. I assured her there was nothing between Alexandra and I. Ana was the woman that mattered to me. She was my priority. In case of Alex I felt guilty I treated her recently as if she didn't exist.

I got back to the library to see her still typing. She had to go to bed eventually.

"Anastasia…"

"Just one more minute." She kissed me and moved her attention back to the film, but this time I saw she saved the file and turned off her laptop. "Thanks. Just one day more." She closed her eyes. I knew she was tired and needed rest. I knew that she was used to staring at the computer all day, however I told Mrs Jones to keep an eye on her. I had to be sure she wasn't pushing herself too hard and that she had regular breaks. At first she was reluctant to setting herself time frames, but she stopped protesting after a terrible headache she once had because of acting like a brat.

"Christian, don't look at me like that. I had a break." I pulled her hair to the back.

"You know what I mean. Your best four-legged friend needs you." Ana chuckled.

"I hope you mean our bed, because I can't think of anything and anyone else. Unless there's something else I should hear about."

"You're absolutely right."

We spent the entire week separately. Ana's deadline was on Thursday and we were barely seeing each other. I was always checking up how she was managing and Mrs Jones was there while I was away. I was thinking about taking her out of town for a weekend to unwind in nature. I wanted her to leave this house and enjoy our free time, just the two of us. I had to ask her if she wanted it. She was barely aware because she was so tired, but she was still responding to my touch as a spoilt kitten which was adorable.

"Hmm? Don't stop." She said quietly. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were fixed on me for a while, but then she looked down and smiled.

"How about a road trip outside Seattle this weekend?" I knew she enjoyed walks in nature and wanted to benefit from the spring.

"I already have plans for this weekend, Christian. Alex called me the other night and she offered me to go to see Dad. We talked a lot and I guess we need some time for just our two, to talk everything through without any distractions and influences on both parties. I need it." I didn't know Alex returned Ana's calls. I guess she calmed down.

"When were you going to tell me about them?" I said more harshly than I intended, and Ana heard the difference in my voice. She could read my reactions right away

"It's not like I'm going to ask you about permission. I'm only informing you." She claimed and I wasn't sure how to react to that. I knew she didn't need to ask me. I was actually happy that she began to show her attitude again. That was a very good sign. Still, we had to have more open communication.

"I know, Ana. It's great news. So, you two are talking again."

"Not quite. We're trying to although it's really difficult. This time we decided to spend time without any other people watching us. Dad would probably leave us alone in the evening." I went back to stroking her and didn't say anything else.

"Okay, maybe next weekend then." I touched her lips and immediately wanted her. I kissed her and I absolutely enjoyed her response. She was careful not to touch me, but I firmly put her hand on my chest. It wasn't the first time she was touching me like that.

"It's okay. It feels good." I was happy to perceive her touch not in a hurtful way. I enjoyed being with her so close and I needed more of her. I wanted her to feel only pleasure and I was observing her reactions ten times more carefully than ever. I was appreciating every second we had and her trust in me at that point. I knew how much it cost her, but at the same time I knew how much she wanted to let it all go.

"So, what are you going to do this weekend?" Ana asked out of the blue.

"I don't know exactly. Though I'll probably see Elliot if he hasn't got any plans yet. Maybe we'll both have family time." I knew I wasn't going to spend that time alone. I was tired of hiding and having secrets. I also needed to have a life of sorts from time to time.

"That would be great. We need a break from each other from time to time." Ana muttered.

"We don't see each other that often, kitten so I disagree with you." I twisted so that she was under me. It was adorable to look at that small person who was laying there peacefully.

"I guess you're right." She stated lazily. She didn't resist to me. I saw she was relaxed and that despite being tired she was fully enjoying herself.

* * *

APOV

Alex was quiet for the entire road to Dad's house, but I wasn't considering that a bad thing. It wasn't because she was driving, she simply wasn't ready to talk to me. I knew she was controlling herself not to say anything that might upset me, but at the same time we had to finally clear the air. We had dinner with Dad which was just a regular peaceful event, my sister and left the house and profited from the lovely weather.

"I know I should've responded to your messages earlier, but I wasn't exactly sure what I'd say to you." I knew it was hard for her to look at me normally. I didn't understand how it was possible to manage all these difficult emotions. She was so composed and that was somewhat disturbing.

"The last time we saw each other I crossed the line. I shouldn't have shouted at you. You had no control over it. I'm sorry." Alex put her hand on my shoulder and reassured me.

"I know, Ana. I understand how you feel."

"Really? Well, my sister had a relationship with my fiancé and I found out about that not from either of them, but from a psychopath who beat shit out of me." I was surprised that I managed to say it calmly and without raising my voice.

"About that... He would never cheat on you. I wouldn't get involved with him if it wasn't to get you back. And I know what it's like to be violated by a psychopath. It's something I'll never forget." I wasn't sure what she was referring to and I wasn't sure if so could push her. However, I realised it was that vulnerable moment between the two of us that there was no place for shame.

"What happened?"

"My other ex handled poorly rejection and wanted revenge on me. That was another reason I was desperate to find you alive. Anyway, it was super crazy time for me especially as I was pretty busy with everything. I had a different job I was staying late a lot. It wasn't the best time to enter an arrangement. I was involved with someone as a sub, which was totally based on that. Yet, I met a vanilla guy and I wanted to leave that man to get a new friend or maybe something more than just a friend. He was really cute. We were introduced at a Christmas meeting. I was being honest with my Dom about the reasons why I was leaving him. I was always being honest in all my relationships and didn't pursue anything until I was fully available. Anyway, his reaction was nothing like I expected. He…" That was the moment when her voice broke and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know exactly what happened. I didn't expect her to open up in the middle of nowhere. We slowed down and I waited for her to continue, although I knew she was reliving something extremely painfully.

"He was pretty much as nice to me as Elena was for you." She finally said it. "But in my case no one could help me. I couldn't defend myself and he was way stronger than me. It lasted over two days, but finally when he got tired I managed to call for help. I didn't give any emergency contact because I didn't want to alarm anyone. It was my mess to sort out" I looked at her and I saw she was crying although her voice was under control. How could she not tell me about that situation? It turned out I didn't know her at all. There were so many things happening right under my nose. I immediately turned to hug her, but she didn't let me. She just squeezed my hand.

"Where did you meet him?"

"He was one of the club members. Nobody had ever complained about him. Apparently it was one situation. He never gave me any red flag and that was the worst thing. He wasn't my first."

"I'm so sorry." It all made sense now. It explained why she backed down from everyone and became even more close off than ever.

"It's okay now. I made sure he lost everything. That was the first time I felt an odd satisfaction of hurting someone, or maybe that was only justice. I don't know." She managed to smile and I saw her from that different perspective. It was so wrong.

"I'm glad you told me. What happened later?"

"I don't remember much from the first months after, but it was hard to move on. Without the specialist I wouldn't be able to make it. Up until that one, all my arrangements were always satisfying and I was extremely careful, but people can be unpredictable."

"You're right." It was getting cold and we decided to move closer to inhabited area. I've never been able to relate to her as much as I was at that point. We returned home and Dad knew there was something wrong, but I quickly told him that's for another day. I took a quick shower and changed into pyjamas.

I was alone in my room reading a text from Christian about his day with surprisingly his father and not with Elliot.

I heard a knock and Alex came into my room. She sat next to me and I knew she was hesitating about something. Finally, she pulled her t-shirt up and then I noticed it and immediately looked away. Her shoulder was still relatively fresh but that wasn't what made me react this way.

"Al… I… " I was just looking at her back and all of her. That man was worse than Elena.

"That's why I haven't been the best person to stick around to. You're stronger than me, Ana because you're not alone." she pulled it down and turned to face me. I saw her tears and it made me cry too.

"It's okay now. I know you need time to process all of it. I'm glad you wanted to talk to me. It feels great to finally let it all out for the last time." Alex went to bed and I let Christian know that coming home was very painful, but at the same time the best thing I've decided to do.

* * *

 _Liked it? Let me know, have a nice day,_  
 _~m_


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N:Hello, today I'm posting another chapter. It's short and might be a bit off. Let's just say, the characters are a bit disturbing._  
 _Hopefully you'll enjoy it :) and share your opinion._  
 _Cheers ~m_

* * *

Chapter 22

CPOV

Ana was quiet when she returned from her Dad. She mentioned that she had emotional time and I didn't want to push her too hard. It took her days to open up and I knew she needed to process everything. She was seeing a psychiatrist regularly and I was sure it was helpful for her. She needed someone except me and her family to talk to. For the past weeks we've been busy with final preparations for the wedding. I was happy I had so many people who supported me because they cared. Plus, I had a chance to see Mia thrive and seeing my sister act responsibly was amazing. Ana was reading a book on the couch, but she wasn't really paying attention to the text.

"What are you thinking about?" I sat next to her on the couch and hugged her. Ana giggled and lay down and put her head in my lap. There are moments when Ana's habits kick in unconsciously.

"A lot of things. Everything's great, Christian." She looked at me and and moved her head suggesting me to stroke her hair. It was adorable when she was acting like a little kitten. I noticed that the better she felt, the more my instincts to control her were increasing.

"Want to share your thoughts?" I wanted to know what was happening in her head.

"I was thinking about our wedding vows." I looked at the book she was reading.

"I guess you won't find an inspiration in Christie's book." I tickled her and she hit me with the book playfully.

"You don't say…" Ana said while laughing.  
I took the book away from her and put it beyond her reach. She sat down and touched me on the cheek. I liked her touch although there were moments when I didn't think it would ever be possible. Ana kissed me gently and I pressed her to my chest.

"I know you want us to make our own vows. I'd be fine with the traditional vows, but if that's what you want, I'm sure it will be good. Don't worry about it. Just say what you mean, baby." I knew it was important to her and I wanted to reassure her that we'd be fine.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I nodded. "I love you,"

We invited our friends over to socialise and have fun. Mrs Jones prepared a delicious dinner and we could have last bigger social meeting before the reception. A few weeks ago Ana accompanied me to one of the Charity events and she was absolutely stunning. This time it was with just the closest family. We both decided not to have bachelor and bachelorette parties which made Kate and Elliot because they hate losing the opportunities to party. They love it. However, Ana and I decided to have a peaceful meeting of close people just to appreciate everyone we have in our lives. There was no reason to spend the evening separately. Besides, I didn't want to lose Ana off my sight.

It was good that we didn't fight very often. There were obviously some disagreements, but they were manageable. She was calm for the majority of time, and everything was nearly back to our normal. Except for more often discussions about our hopes and fears. Talking about children and future family and generally managing everything as transparently as possible. She was going to be mine permanently and I couldn't wait to that day.

"Do you need any help?" I offered. She looked around the kitchen and said no. I was observing her and I loved seeing her like this. She was so energetic and satisfied that I wanted to smile as well. She had her hair braided and that rang one association. It suit her and it was very comfortable on a daily basis. We haven't been to the playroom for months and I missed taking her there. I knew she loved some of it as much as I did. But it had to be her decision to go back in there when she'd be ready. If that would ever happen… I wouldn't like to frighten her in anyway or trigger painful memories.

"Why are you looking at me like this?" She looked me for a split second and she was focused again on cooking.

"It's just great to see you so cheerful." She smirked and looked me straight in the eye.

"Same to you." I pulled her braid and she instantly leaned to me, so I could caress her lovely skin. However, then the entire group showed up, so I let her go. Ana was grinning at me, and I knew I would have time for her later. First, we ate together and later girls disappeared in the library and Elliot, Kate's brother and I went to the balls room. We didn't plan it like this at first but it turned out good. We were playing pool and talking when suddenly Elliot burst out in laughter. He showed us a text from Kate and I couldn't read more Kavanagh summary.

Girls don't want clubbing. So sad :)

I saw a smiley face and that was adorable. I was aware that Elliot had similar tastes to Kate about having fun, but he could always let go off clubbing when he wanted to spend some time with him. From time to time, as a compromise on my part, I was going with him to pubs, but that was never my way of relaxation.

"I told her it would be this way. Ana hates dancing." It reminded me how funny it was to teach her how to dance at least a waltz. That was absolutely true, she was helpless at it and it was great to practice her trust in me in non sexual way.  
Gradually, she was making progress, but we both knew it wasn't something she was passionate about. That evening was amazing. We could be ourselves and avoid any embarrassing situations.

When Elliot was about to leave he congratulated me for the fifth time today and he expressed his happiness towards Ana. We were both exhausted, but nonetheless satisfied with the outcome of that idea.

We had shower together and I couldn't get enough of her. I washed every inch of her and I enjoyed touching her. She was so small and delicate that it felt so amazing to feel her soft skin. She was begging to be claimed. We needed to feel it again. I missed being in control over her, more that I was willing to admit. It was so hard, but it was worth to restrain myself from being too harsh with her.  
We had sex, relaxed and I felt the entire tension leave me. Anastasia barely knew what was happening. I was holding her tightly. I didn't want her to fall and hurt herself. I dried her and gave her pyjamas. She was used to avoiding the nightdresses whenever possible and it was hard to convince her otherwise. I brushed her hair and dried it. She shouldn't be sleeping with wet hair. I liked doing these little things for her. I felt needed and appreciated. Anastasia was tired, but I knew we had to talk later, but for the time being I was enjoying taking care of my beautiful Ana.

"Thank you for taking care of me." Ana said in relaxed voice. I put her to bed and observed carefully her eyes. She held my and she couldn't stop smiling.

"Always. Think that there's only two weeks left and we'll have more time just for us."

"I can't wait to that." She squeezed my hand to confirm. "Something is wrong with you, Christian." Her expression changed and I knew it was right to talk to Anastasia about difficult topics. There's no such thing as good or bad moment.

"Yeah. I've been thinking almost as much as you recently, about us. For so long I've been worried that I'd lose you eventually. And now when you seem good, I'm totally lost. I just feel so out of my element that I feel guilty." It sounded bad, but at the same time, I preferred to be as honest as possible and not to sugar-coat what was happening in my head.

"I know that the recent months were rough, and that it was very hard for both of us to move on from what happened. It might take a while, but we'll manage. I know it." I stroked her hair gently. My kitten was purring in pleasure.

"I feel so powerless. I missed you so much." I wanted to say a few words too much. I felt like a coward.

"I missed you too, but you know that I'm not going anywhere, right? I love you so much, Christian." I nodded.

"I love you too, Ana."

"Who am I to you?" She whispered. She knew what was eating me inside. She knew me better than anyone else.

"You're my fiancée I'm about to marry." I said honestly. She was my priority. I would never do anything to her without her consent. I have as much control as she is willing to give me. Although I wanted it so badly.

"You're right and that means we can't keep things from each other." She said calmly.

"You're absolutely right, baby."

* * *

 _Liked it? Let me know :)_  
 _See you soon,_  
 _mila_


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Hello everyone!  
I know it's been almost six months. I can say that this time was so crazy that it would take me too long to say exactly how many things changed. I moved to another country, which is why I haven't posted anything despite strong willingness to do so.  
I decided to come back to FF and finish what I started, so I'm happy that I can release this chapter to you guys.  
Enjoy it and let me know 😊  
Cheers  
~Mila

* * *

Chapter 23  
APOV

Kate and I returned from the final fittings. Christian has been acting strange and I wish he would talk to me about it, whatever that was. The entire burden of organization was taken off me. Mia took care of almost everything and Christian planned the honeymoon. I had no idea where he was taking me, but he asked me for my passport. Mia unintentionally let it slip, but not entirely, because I only knew that somewhere in Europe and that I'd love it. I had no reasons not to believe her. We were going to go for a week, and I was already excited. I contacted my clients and sent their orders ahead of time, so that I could have more time for my newlywed husband. That meant that most of this week I was only leaving the library to eat and sleep. However, it hit me that soon I'd be married.

In the evening I sat on his lap in his office and we went through final points of our marriage preparation. He said that he doesn't want a prenup and I appreciated the trust he had in me. We talked about our names after the wedding and then it came to me that I didn't think if I'd take Christian's name or not.

"I think I'm going to stay with my maiden name." I admitted. I said that on the spur of the moment. I didn't bring that up earlier to him and by the look on face I knew he was taken aback.

"Excuse me?" He looked at me and I knew he didn't like the idea. "It's extremely important to me, _Anastasia_." Right, the way he spoke my name was a giveaway that he won't let that go. I kissed him on the neck and put my head on his shoulder to ease the tension, but he wasn't having it.

"I know it is. I didn't really pay much thought to my last name." Christian looked at me with disapproval. I looked away and asked him for a few minutes of silence so I could think of it. It was obvious for me that our children would take the name Grey, but me? I know it was important for him. He didn't even try to hide it.

"Okay." I whispered and kissed him. He looked at me carefully, nodded and let out his breath.

"Why are you so tense?" I checked if I wasn't touching him in a way that was uncomfortable, but he let me touch his chest and back before.

"I'm not. Everything is great, Ana. I'm just tired and want to see you in that dress. I'm sure it's as beautiful as you are. I'm happy we're not throwing anything big. Only our closest families."

"For me, it's only two people of direct family and the Kavanaghs. Dad and Al. A whole crowd." I mocked. I was glad I had at least Kate's family. They were always very supportive of me and I wanted them there. And I knew Mia was grateful for including Ethan.

"These are the most important people for you. It's the quality not quantity that matters."

"I know. I'm just joking. I'm happy to see your grandparents again. Grandpa Teddy is proud of you, baby." I knew that Christian wasn't as close with his family as he wanted. He was trying so hard to accept the fact that his family loves him unconditionally. Everybody was proving that every day without even trying, but the most obvious was Elliot. I had an older sibling. I knew how much it meant. I wish I saw that earlier. Now I looked at Al in a different light. It wasn't by her choice that she kept people as far from her as possible. What happened to her made her bitter. I finally got that.

"I'm sure he is. Even my Dad is." I heard his genuine surprise and warmth. Truth is, every child wants acceptance of their parents, no matter how old one is.

"Of course. It's wonderful you're finally noticing this."

* * *

I sent the last e-mail and I was glad that I pulled it off. I offered to help Mrs. Jones, but she told me there was no need. I looked for Christian and I was surprised not to find him in his study or bedroom. Something was not right. I was sure he was back home, but I couldn't find him. It was a bit chilly in the evening, so I changed into a pair of jeans and a creamy sweater. I got myself a cup of tea and decided to wait for him come back in the great room. I understood he was way busier than me. Especially when I heard that he hasn't been on holidays longer than a weekend, that weren't a business trip for three years. And knowing his tendency to micromanage I could only dream that he would totally relax on holidays.

Another hour passed and I finally heard something that indicated someone's presence, but that wasn't Christian. It was Sawyer. He took time off to recover after what happened with Elena.

"It's great to see you again, Ms. Steele." We shook hands. "Mr. Grey wanted to see me." I frowned.

"I'm glad that you're okay. Unfortunately, I have no idea where Christian is, he should be home any minute." He nodded but then I noticed Christian walking down the stairs.

"Let's talk in my study, Sawyer." He looked at me and shook his head. I shrugged and turned away. I was wondering what Christian was doing upstairs, but I didn't have to think too long. I checked the door to the playroom, but it was obviously locked. I took the second set of keys and opened the room. I was welcomed by the usual smell of citrus and leather polish. At first glance everything seemed the same, but I knew something was off. I just couldn't place it. I wasn't the same person as a few months ago. I remember so many times here and most of them were great. I turned on the light and went to the centre of the room. Since the attack we never talked about that part our lives and it was obvious for both of us why. I remembered how she beat me with a cane. I remembered that I begged her to stop and she didn't listen. She wanted to kill me. All because I wasn't _this._  
I hated what happened back then, nonetheless I knew that it wasn't my fault. I would drill it into my mind until I finally feel it, not only know it consciously. It felt so wrong. I stood in the middle of the room lost in thoughts. So many memories… _What was he even doing here?_

I didn't know what I expected when I entered this room. I was scared, but to my surprise I felt peace. I avoided this room for so long that I pretended that it never existed. At least I was trying to.

I looked on the left and noticed that all the canes were gone. I remembered that I was slowly warming up to them, but now I was sure I wouldn't stand it. They were put in a box on the floor. There were other toys as well and I sat on the bed with crossed legs. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I bowed my head slightly and stayed in that position. I didn't know exactly how much time passed. There was no clock in this room and the temperature was higher than everywhere else. I felt safe here, because I knew that Christian wouldn't hurt me the way she did. He would never do anything without my consent, and he would always respect my wishes. I was safe and that was the only thing that mattered.

"I didn't expect you to come here." Christian said carefully. I opened my eyes and noticed he stood a metre away from me. I looked at him and he sat next to me. He took my hand and looked at me as if there was something wrong with me.

"Neither did I. But I assumed you were here earlier, and I was curious what was it about. I thought you weren't home, but at the time you were here. Why?" I asked calmly. He only pointed at the box on the floor in the corner.

"I was throwing away some stuff and I was trying to figure out what to do with all this." He looked around the room and sighed heavily. "I couldn't bring myself to do anything else, so I just sat there just like you." I didn't understand why were talking so quietly, but I could assume it was because it was our most intimate moment in months. We were both vulnerable and we chose words carefully.

"Any good ideas?" I tried. I didn't know what he wanted to do with it. I didn't know what I wanted to do with it. The place where Elena kept me was nothing like this room. She wanted to hurt me. Christian would never do to me what she did.

"Not really. I took off the canes, because I can't even look at them after I saw you." I saw how hard it was for him to say that. "I was so scared I lost you that day. I thought we'd come too late and that I'll never get you back. It was the worst day of my life." He hugged me and I hid my face in his arms. I didn't want to break, not now.

"You didn't lose me. I'm fine. We made it. I trust you, Christian." My tone was stronger than I thought. I meant what I said. That was the place where I wanted to be. Safe with him and I didn't know what was bothering him so much.

"I failed you. You were right that I shouldn't keep secrets from you. You deserved to know, and I really hope that someday I'll be forgiven." It was hard, but I could finally look at it without being emotional. He had other women before me, and I had other men.

"Stop. We can't change it, so we must accept it. Is this why you're acting strange for the past weeks or is there something else I should know about. Don't tell me it's something concerning the wedding. We both know that would be a lie."

"You're right. I was thinking about what we've been through together and this room specifically. I love you so much." I heard hesitation in his voice, and I didn't like it. Something was wrong. I looked him straight in the eye and I saw that he was fighting with himself if he should tell me what's bothering him, or not. I waited and waited.

"I was thinking if we would ever come back here." I thought I heard these words in my head, but it was Christian who spoke them out loud. I knew what he meant and honestly, I was also thinking about that.

"You miss that, don't you?" I didn't have to wait for his answer. I already knew it.

"I'm not faking it well enough, am I?" I shook my head and suddenly started laughing. It was so fucking obvious that I couldn't believe I missed that 'subtle' signals from him.

"What's so funny now?" Christian asked nervously.

"That I didn't put it together earlier. It is obvious to me now. I don't even remember when we had our last scene. You should've talked to me." I reassured him. He could always come to me and I would at least listen.

"I didn't want to bring it up, because I was frightened that I would hurt you and I can't lose you again." He grabbed my hair and I looked at him with confidence. I kissed him to prove it, but he stopped us before we did anything else.

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere." We cuddled on the bed and I liked that we weren't in our roles right now. It felt better than ever.

* * *

Liked it? Let me know :)  
Have a good week,  
M


	24. Chapter 24

_Hello, time for the final chapter of this story!_

 _Have a good time :)_

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Chapter 24

APOV

Since that day I stopped being scared of coming back to the playroom. I went there in the morning to think and I knew we couldn't just demolish it. It was part of who we were and I wasn't going to deny that. Neither was Christian. I saw that our negotiations now reminded me of our first contract together. This was a different type of contract. I wanted to make it work somehow and to show him that I cared.

I understood that after getting married I would be more prone to be attacked by someone, or that the press can assault me. I accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to go anywhere alone anymore. It was just too dangerous. Sawyer was back with me and he got a partner so that they would change more often. There were many limitations that would occur after I marry Christian. I was ready for this to happen, but I was grateful that I was with someone I trusted.

We negotiated in the great room and maintained light mood. It was almost there. We were very much aware that what we wanted to do was the most important decision of our lives.

"I have something for you, Anastasia." I saw a square jewellery box in Christian's hands and instantly took a step back. I appreciated the gesture, but he didn't have to do that. Elena took the ring away from me, but it didn't matter.

"Oh, thank you so much. What is it?" He was happy that I didn't fight him. He opened the box and I saw a thin simple platinum collar. It looked like a classic stylish necklace, but I knew what it represented. I touched it and thought about wearing it for a second, but at that very moment I took a step back. I loved him, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. I knew that there were people for whom these were more important than wedding rings. I felt it as well. It was stunning, but I felt it's weight.

"I wanted to give it to you for months. It would mean a lot to me if you'd give me that honour." I was speechless for a few seconds. I looked at him briefly and put the box aside, so I could bury myself in his arms.

"Thank you, Christian. I love you so much."

"I can't wait till you finally become mine, Mrs. Grey." He kissed me and we cuddled for a little longer.

"I know. Just a little while longer." I took a sip of tea. Christian sat on the couch and I lay down so he could stroke my hair.

"Oh, Ana. It'll be great. I only wish I could make us forget." I sighed exhausted. He was still torturing himself with the situation with Elena. No matter what I did, he couldn't let that go. I let him talk until he realised that I didn't want to listen to that. He stopped touching me seemed lost in thoughts.

I liked observing him like this. I reached out my hand to his cheek and touched him. I touched his chest and he didn't even flinch. I left my hand on his chest until he put his on top of it.

I sat on his lap and we looked for each other for what it seemed a very long time. Eventually, I finished the tea and I went to bathroom to shower and change for the night. Christian followed me after a moment and showered with me. I was so small in comparison to him. We had a quick round from the back and I wanted more than that, but I was too tired. I noticed a simple blue nightgown on the bed and didn't protest against it. Sometimes, it was easy to let him have his way. I knew how he liked it. I liked it as well. I also noticed the box with a collar near the bed, but didn't comment on it.

"You look lovely." I took the box and lay on the bed. I took it out of the box and examined it carefully. I noticed the words I love you that were engraved inside. Other than that it was plain. I noticed a very discrete lock and a small key.

"I want it as well, Christian." He took it from my hand and opened it. He sat next to me and I nodded in reassurance. When he locked it on my neck I felt like something was finally right. I understood that my fears were blocking me.

"That's my Anastasia." He kissed me obsessively and we both lost it.

* * *

Christian and I have never felt happier. I could finally feel like all the events of the past year were truly in the past. We've come such a long way and I was so grateful that we were here together. I touched the metal on my neck and remembered that night when I finally accepted it.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

I was so nervous that I could barely sleep. We both decided to spend our night before the wedding separately. I went to Christian's parents and he stayed at Escala. I had Mia, Grace and Kate with me, and Christian was with Elliot and Ethan. They would arrive in the afternoon. Same with Katie's parents and my family.

I woke up before my alarm went off. I was so nervous, yet excited. There was so little time. Mia was frantic. She was shouting at everyone that she forgot something and that she won't forgive herself if this day isn't perfect.

I told her that it was the least important thing and she could chill down a bit. We wanted her to celebrate with us, not to make her feel nervous and uncomfortable. We appreciated her efforts and the fact that she took most stress onto herself. She was amazing.

Luckily, I was an easy woman to please. I didn't really care about most of things that women do. Our wedding wasn't for any appearances. It was for our joy. It wasn't extremely fancy. Honestly, I would say it was pretty low-key. There weren't too many flowers, or ornaments.

Mia helped me with my dress and had ordered makeup and a stylist for me. Everything was set. Grace was making sure that Mia didn't lose her shit and didn't stress me out and she was probably second happiest woman here.

I heard it was coming soon when I saw cars coming to the Greys house. It was nearly happening. My dad was there an hour before the ceremony and Alex came with him. She put a dark red pencil dress. She was so beautiful. She came to my room and gaped at me.

"You look amazing, Ana." She took a look at my neck and only nodded in understanding. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss with her, but her face didn't show anything. I learned that she could hide her emotions very well, so I couldn't be sure she was totally okay.

"Thanks. I'm happy you're here with me." She hugged me and left to join the others.

It was time. I wish my mom was there.

Ray walked me down the aisle and I was barely aware of anyone else except for Christian. I felt his eyes on me and I blushed. When he took my hand from Ray's I felt that this was actually happening. It was so surreal. I was somehow standing still on my feet and said the words of our vows. I meant everything I said, but at the same time I felt like an observer.

"I do." People were cheering us, but I didn't pay attention to any of them. The only people present were Christian and I.

"I love you, Mrs. Grey."

"I love you too." I responded. At that moment, I was the happiest woman on the planet and I was sure, I could face anything at that point and nobody would stop me.

THE END

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 _Okay, we're finally here. Another story is done, finally. I was kind of in between if I should add another version of ending I wrote, but chose to post the happy one. The other one wasn't positive at all. Like a thriller with death in the end :)  
_

 _I appreciate the time you spent with this story and your kind words. That was fun, as always._

 _I'll post something soon, so stay tuned :)_

Let me know your opinions about overall of the story in the review section :)

 _Thanks a lot_

 _Mila  
_


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